fresh page

I was just driving to work one day, chilling enjoying the Kuala Lumpur traffic jam.
Thinking about life and my collection of failed relationships.
I realized something.
From my 1st ever boyfriend till you and all the guys that i have dated was actually walking me through a certain phase of my life.

Faiz my first ever serious relationship, he walked me through college.
He was my first love.
My first kiss.
My first time feeling so loved by someone besides my family.
college life was tough, he was there for me all the way.

Jay came 2nd, when i finished college and ended things with Faiz.
transitioning phase of my life from a student to a working adult.
he was with me all the way, I remembered first day of work, he was with me.
until the time when i quit my old job.
Jay really taught me a lot about life.
when i was a scardy cat, getting lost all the time, he taught me the ins and outs of KL.
and also
how to love so selflessly
how to fall head over heels
how to appreciate simple happiness
how to be brave and independent.
He basically transform me from this insecure teenager that knows nothing about the city to who I am now.
I love him. I do and i know he loved me too.
He also taught me how to let go and nothing is forever.

All the other dudes that came and went away.
I know they are just helping me bits by bits to let go.
They walked me through this heartache, makes life a little more interesting.

I don't want to be no sad girl no more.
I know i always say this but, honestly, i owe it to my family the most.
my friends. all my friends around me.
I wish i could write a personal thank you card to each and everyone of you.
I cannot imagine life without you all, entertaining me and supporting all my stupid ideas.
I cannot imagine making up every morning without our annoying whatsapp group chats.
I cannot imagine coming to work without office dramas.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart with my heart and soul.

I am not sure when my "someone forever" will stumble and knock me down, but i am here, ready, and fabulous like a Unicorn.

Dear Jay,
I now understand that you are just someone temporary.
Someone just to bring me through a certain phase of my life.
As much as i want you to be permanent, believe me, I want to, with all my heart and soul i really want us to be permanent.
but God has his own arrangements and plans for us.

and i also understand it is time for you to be in her life, to bring her through this particular phase of her life.

Maybe one day someone forever will come into my life.
maybe one day, as if for now, i really don't hate you as much anymore regardless how you left. I know, you had to go.
and i don't hate which ever whore you are with that much anymore.

No, I don't want you back too.

Please don't come back and haunt me, just stay in your grave.
I have already bury whatever we had.
Not going to visit that part of my memory that much anymore.

Good bye. RIP #jayyoke

someone told me.
hold on to whatever that makes you happy. 

-I am much more happier now-