13 August 2010

it was fun yesterday. with my friends, at the beginning of the day.

when you gave me the morning call that i am always waiting for.

I MISS YOU!

seriously.

am i getting too desperate or something?

am i annoying you?

i mean i can understand you situation now but.

erhh!! what ever.

plus. i really think i am going to lose something important to me.

what's happening???

everything is USED TO BE now.

yeah, you the best. you own everything.

and i am freaking fucked up!

this sucks!

this life sucks!

what if i really stumble trough my diploma and advance diploma?

i will get a job and?

start working?

what the hell??

and what's life all about??

i don't want to end there?!

my mum and dad always say that i can go when i can pay.

when is it??

when i am old and haggard?

when i am fat and old?

when i am a lonely woman with 12 cats??

i though my mum would understand.

life after marriage and having kids.

i am not saying that i am gonna get married now.

NO! BUT THINK OF IT!!!

sometimes i do think that, to play around is better than facing one person.

I AM NOT SAYING THAT I AM PLAYING AROUND.

but.........

i need vacation~!!!

to get out of here!

OUT OF MALAYSIA~

to leave everything behind and start over again.

when i see you, and when we walk side by side. i felt extremely happy.

so happy that i can't control but keep smiling and laughing all the day.

a lousy manager of feeling indeed.

-do you still love me as before?-

Account

why am i hating you so much???

i failed.

one more chance for me to make things right.

i hope i can do it.

but even i pass this doesn't mean that i will pass final. :(

why am i being so negative?

i don't know!!!!!!!

there's a lot on my mind now.

thanks for the prayers..

i really need them~

as if i can take a break.

i really need one!

-feels like crying-

最浪漫的一首歌

很久都没有在我的部落格乱画了。

今天很有空，刚从夜市回来。。真的好饱。

什么是浪漫？

其实我也不是很清楚。

可是我浪漫的定义是和他在一起，不管在哪儿，做什么，听着谁的歌。

能和他在一起就是浪漫，很幸福。

想当年，我对自己说要谈一场轰轰烈烈的恋爱。。现在算是吧。

得到了，感觉很不可思议。。

时间总是往前跑，我不是赛跑健将，很难赶上。。

我在后面追。

考试快到了，他会问我准备好了没。。亲爱的，我可以回答，我很怕，还没准备好，我需要你。

可是，我知道这是懦弱的答案。他不会接受，所以我会很坚强的面对。

赶快考完，马上飞回去见你 :)

总有一种感觉叫我，珍惜现在。。

我会～！

如果我跟他的现在，会变成将来的过去。。

这一定会是一个动人，浪漫的爱情故事。

-心爱的我很想你-

4:34PM

today is a Sunday.

i am not out to the mall or anything.

i am here in a small cosy room with 3 of my friends.

aiming for the best.

doing the best. i think.

to be the best? we really hope so.

I HOPE SO!

i am broke. i have nothing.

no money no knowledge.

am i human??

home.

i want to go home.

to run away?

no, i need vacation.

haven't been on vacation since college.

and just now i was just browsing through my friend's pictures with her guy.

i like it :) they are so loving and natural.

i even browsed through my friend's new born baby picture :)

and then i thought of something.

something that everybody wants.

can we? be together and have a happy family?

can we ? be as natural as them???

why aren't we?

because.

we all knows. no need to explain. it's the same old thing again and again.

how i hate to repeat it.

to have a unforgettable wedding.

to have a happily ever after with you.

i really hope so.

to pass my exams with no re-sit and repeats.

God i really need you with me.

-To fly with colours-

5 Months

Ya udah 5 bulan si~

:)

i can't believe we actually make it this far. 5 moths is long. i think.

despite all the obstacles.

all the i don't know how to describe.

but it's sad that we can't be near though. never ever celebrated together.

why can't we just be close.

for 1 day. 24 hours. 1440minutes. 86400seconds.

why can't we??

my super number 1.

:)

here i am and there you are.

i am here, stressed out with assignments and all.

how i hope that you are beside me. with a cup of hot milo.

and i am the luckiest girl alive :)

however that's not going to happen.

i might as well. dream.

happy to be your girl ;)

-can we ?-

Complication

people say friendship is suppose to be love.

but i don't really see it in real life.

i mean i can't deny that certain things that i see around me is totally the opposite with what i have heard.

i like to day dream.

yes. a day dreamer indeed.

i am not a hypocrite.

once i like something i will, with all my might like it.

when i hate something. i will try to find ways to not hate it but still hate it.

college life isn't complete with good friends and classmates.

they are what makes me want to go to class. despite the lecturers.

but things are not that simple anymore.

complicated.

i am not in the situation either are you.

posting something like that makes us look bad in front of the whole world

because it's facebook.

something between 2 person should be settle within the area.

to read not to read.

to criticise or to praise up to you.

i am solo.

i write, i breath, i eat.

i have the rights.

to object is your business.

words must be chosen carefully, to object the truth.

when white is always pure

and black is always trying to prove that nothing can be darker than it.

and we always know who's the truth.

to pray and to hope. things like this would stop.

friends. i really do mean what i say.

you action is driving me insane.

and yesterday i realised i need you more than i expected.

-stop the guns, stop the shooting. STOP THE WAR.-

July

time sometimes flies

and sometimes creeps itself towards us.

and sorry to say we seldom pay attention to it.

it's July already.

2 more months and i will finish this sem! :)

to go home.

home. why it dosen't sound as exciting as before?

when i am home. and all is in a mess.

without you and with you.

obstacles.

where should we go??

or are we ever gonna meet???

i just can't stop thinking of it.

i miss you i really do.

so badly that words can't even describe.

this thing between us is not just between us anymore.

it affects others too.

there are things that i dare not tell you.

because i want our relationship to be something good and happy and blessed by everyone.

not just you coming like a criminal hiding from police.

what should i say?

finding for conclusion.

-i want our happily ever after too-

Used?

prey or predator.

using or being used.

which are you?

or you are mutual.

win win situation?

i was Ok with that last time.

but this few days kinda felt used. :(

not saying that i am really good in that something. but if you ask sincerely.

i would try my best to help.

but no.

it'd just another.

i exist because you need me.

and after that i am gone again.

it's sad and frustrating.

is your friendship true to me. or am i just another tool?

cruel world, cruel situation.

sitting here. beautiful morning. hate that we can't text!

study CBO.

-Why can't we get free calls for the rest of our life?-

4 Months

hari ini indah seperti baisa. :)

it's already 4 Months

not too long and not too short.

i really enjoy being together with you.

do you know that??

i admit that sometimes you really make me angry.

but that are all small matters.

i know sometimes i make you mad too. sorry :p

future is still so uncertain.

things are changing really fast.

but. i am true to you. and so are you to me.

can i say. let time prove it all??

i hope so.

and i am here again in my little hostel room writing this.

i am waiting for your reply.

but i don't think you are going to reply.

that.. kinda make me.... well. a little mad. :p

call me childish. Yes i am. only to you.

i miss you a lot.

to write a book and a song about us.

that's still long. i guess.

because we still don't know about the ending.

sadly. i am afraid to face it.

are you brave enough?

-Why am i crazy about you?-

what should i do?

what should i write?

i just feel like crying right now.

ass hole! :(

people are telling me not to continue.

but what should i do?

i mean people that are really important to me in my life.

my family and close friends.

and now i really do feel that i am all alone.

it's not because of you.

hmm how do i say this.

Yes it's because of us.

ok.

i am going to put things straight.

sick of myself giving clues that even me myself got confused.

it's about the RELIGION again!

again and again and again!!!!!!!

it's not your fault or my fault anymore.

there are things out there that beyond our control.

the sacrifices.

means that i have to change my religion just to be with you.

there are laws like that here in MALAYSIA.

and i really don't think that it is fair.

this kinda of love is just FORBIDDEN.

can i say i am playing with fire?

and when you asked me. is our ending going to be sad or happy.

it broke my heart.

because i don't know how to answer you.

i am clueless.

booohuuu who cares now. i am going to talk and talk ok!

just to be with the one i love

with a different religion.

i HAVE to leave my family and my own believe and religion.

and how dare they say that they are not pestering people?

how dare they say that???

i know GOD is great and everyone is so eager to worship him

yes this is good~

but why the WAR?

why the FIGHT?

why the KILLING?

corruption is happening everywhere.

we can't see it.

but we MUST see it!

maybe in 10 years time i will feel stupid reading back my blog but.

i seriously feel unfair!

WE RESPECTED YOU ALL. WE WANT PEACE. WE WANT TO LIVE TOGETHER.

yeah so much with the 1MALAYSIA.

SO MUCH WITH ALL THE THINGS YOU SAID THAT HURT US!

YOU HATED US?

WHAT HAVE WE DONE????

i believe that i am not the one facing problems with relationship and religion here.

anyone that is out there. if you ever read my blog please.

VOICE OUT!!!!!

although i know that chances are low. but. i still have faith.

and i will stand on my ground.

so much far my family that i thought that they knew me well.

i am sorry to say that you all are WRONG about me.

with GOD'S WILL i will change a nation!

with GOD with me. i am everything he wants me to be!!!

-it is forbidden-

malam 16June

nothing's special tonight. didn't thought of writing but...

seriously i am not in a good mood.

:(

angry in fact!

rude. uncivalised. and i don't know what more to say.

or maybe i am like that too.

i don't know...

but seriously. quit acting like i don't mind you do stuff that i hate!!!!

cool me down. anyone??

i know. stupid question. no one will even bother to read.

what ever.

i appreciate my work!

FUCK!

FOCUS

UNTUK

CAPAI

KEJAYAAN

reluctant to do any assignment now.

sorry guys. i need inspirations to write.

even for the introduction.

will e-mail it to teacher when it's done. don't worry.

honestly. i am starting to feel the pressure now.

baby. can you just be with me. :(

-STRESSED OUT-

Why bother?

i tried to change the layouts of my blog few days ago.

but obviously it didn't work.

then i tried again. until i finally gave up.

then i thought. why bother?

i am happy with the current state of it.

so it will remain the same...

it's simple and not complicated.

it's my style a little lazy but still progressing.

i just realised that i don't have to be like everyone els.. to make their blog famous.

i write for people that appreciate my work.

not like some people that...

well i better not comment. :)

not to make my blood boil again.

and then it's the same also with things we do.

we need to stand firm on our ground.

not easily be influence by people around us.

Do what's right.

and that's what makes us all unique.

i like him as he is.

despite all the comments that are unnecessary for me to mention to anyone.

when there's no ending in a story does it mean that..

that story shouldn't exist?

this is not some kind of fairy tale. it's real.

people who understands people who don't.

and me myself honestly.. confused.

it's hard to tell.

because no one knows.

i am sick of thinking of the same old problem that isn't a problem at all.

enjoy the world cup~ :) FIFA!!!!

baby. few more days to meet you! can't wait!!!! :D

miss you so much!

-The way we love-

Children

rocker kid

that's Eric

i kinda fell in love with him :)

Yes. all of us have, had been loved and pampered. when we were young.

our parents that love us, our relatives and many more people that care and more than willing to play with us.

I am a very lucky kid. born with a simple but perfect family.

i have wonderful parents and two crazy sisters.

most of all i love them all.

without them i really don't know what's gonna happen to me.

and today. i went to the orphanage in Cheras. Sun Beam Orphanage.

the kids there were really playful!!

and seriously adorable.

am it makes me wonder.

Why?

WHY OH WHY? they are there?

where are their parents?

i don't know their story because i was afraid to ask.

seems to be sensitive though. i don't know.. just..

afraid.

all i can do is keep praying and hope that the LORD will be in them and look over them :)

i am waiting for other people to upload the picturesss so that i can share with you all.

it's sad. and happy at the same time. i had a really nice but tiring day.

thanks to Jia Wen my senior who brought me there.

hope to go to such places some other times. :)

and people.

taking care of kids is really a THOUGH job! omg!!!

*FAINT*

and then i made up my mind.

i am only going to have 2 kids. a boy and a girl.

that's all. no more! hahahaha :)

i came back to hostel around 5 i think. then slept till almost 8.

hey! told ya! exhausted.

well. hope to get the pictures soon :)

-I need you too-