Angry blogger

I am Frustrated. :(

can you all please tell me. Honestly am i a loser? am i like a sanitary pad where you wear, dirty it and throw it away?

I am not suppose to be sad.

but i am.

i have to keep my cool.

clock is ticking and i didn't start a thing yet. not a single chapter.

am i prepared to fail again this time?

He is always there for me.

by my side.

unfortunately.

Who's here to help me with my financial problem?

I used to admire and LOVE my college.

but now. i realised. ALL OF THEM!! are a bunch of blood suckers!

it's the same.

What ever. I guess it's time to pick it all up and start studying.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION BITCH i ain't doing it for you~

i have better things to do.

You are irresponsible and not discipline at ALL!!

i thank God and seriously GLAD that we stopped there.

I can't imagine how it would be if we continued.

Your looks are lies that man love to fall for.

you heart is made of dirt. You are dirty, and evil.

You are a friend of Lucifer.

I don't like you!

Go far away from me!

-I might get in trouble posting this. but who the hell cares-

Go, Genting

as if i am as lucky as Lim Goh Tong.

i would have millions of ringgit in my bank account.

but i am not.

not bathing for one whole day is disgusting! I always thought that i am a dirty person.

even a dirty person like me can't stand it.

sorry guys, even me myself don't understand why am i being so timid.

hope that i didn't spoil anything.

although our budget is limited. i know one day money wont be a problem to us.

it may be difficult now, but in the future things would eventually change.

after an hour long of cold refreshing shower more inspirations came :)

heaven earth and hell.

i don't know where i belong.

i know you want us to be together in heaven.

but dear, i not that i don't understand.

i know. and i understand.

but it's difficult. really difficult.

You are a really good guy.

sometimes i do think that i don't deserve a guy like you.

my RABBIT PIG :)

If they can see what i see in you. I think they would fall in love with you too.

:)

but no. you are mine!

love the way you shake your body baby! LOL!!!

-Hungry, tired, but full of love-

Singapore

My first time in Singapore.

How was it?

well Singapore is a fine country.

;) if you know what i mean.

if you don't get the joke it's fine.. :P

but. i really have to say, I really love it there. :)

despite the heat and the forever changing weather

with all the drama i caused at Universal studio

i still love it.

And guess what. it's also my first time oversea.

20 years and this is your first time?

like Waoo. i know right.

i want to travel too. but it's not possible to happen in the near future.

I enjoyed the food. the architecture. and almost everything there.

I just LOVE the architecture.

they seem to be so free. to just create and draft their own buildings with different personality.

unlike my own country.

NOTHING to be proud of.

the speech that stupid woman gave and the stupid comments and cartons that Malaysians responded to the Tsunami at Japan.

I was so frustrated and pissed off!

i was like WHAT THE FUCK are they thinking.

they are not sensitive at all!

FUCKING shallow i would say.

Imagine Japan is Malaysia

and Malaysia is Japan. what if the Japaneses did that to the Malaysians.

well they would probably say" Burn their churches down! Protest! Boycott!"

STUPID BRAINLESS IDIOTS!

ouh. God.

i failed again.

and not ready to stand.

pull me.

give me the strength to fight again.

-no more quarrels it's enough.

i missed you more each day.-

Hidup

I am tired.

i just want to quit.

does it make me a quitter?

i don't want to do that any more.

Please.

i know it's a lot better than chemo but i don't think i can.

i am a coward. a coward that's afraid to fail again.

maybe running away from reality will do.

i am weak.

i know it's time to grow up.

he said"stand up again and fight"

i don't have the spirit anymore.

can you please be here with me? :(

he said"You can do it, i believe in you"

but, i don't even believe in myself anymore.

Who am i?

time is short.

how am i going to prepare in such short period?

Yeah.

我其实根本没有很努力。。

你说得对。。

在我体内的千年懒虫，很难消除啊。。

我该怎么办？

我真的。。很想放弃。。

就算你说我逃避现实

你根本就不会明白。。

-I am warned out-

Eternal flame

I never thought that this.

And this can last this long.

I never thought that I would jump and drown.

I was a swimmer.

I was.

Before I met you, everything was not as coulorful.

What happened?

Have you cast a spell on me?

Or this is all just a dream.

Can I do it?

I don’t think I can anymore.

I am giving up. Take me away; I just want to break free.

Please say:” come, take my hand, and we would run. Just the both of us. To a place, just the both of us and no one else.”

I missed you.

I really do. The feeling so strong, it’s impossible to stop it even for a second.

What have you done to me?

Despite all,

I like it. J

When the spring comes with the rainbow high up the sky.

I know. The rain is gone. And the day will come. No matter how long.

The tears we shed. Are they worth it? I asked myself. Part of me says. Yes.

Wait just wait.

it's not that i am lazy to update my blog. it's the problem with the internet connection.

i can't even write peacefully.

-I enjoyed it too-

14 February 2011

What's so special about to day??!!

pfffttt!!

It's VALENTINES DAY silly! :)

so.. what's so special about it?

-silence-

i don't know.

i mean. i never really celebrate valentines.

no gifts. no chocolate. no roses. no bears.

nothing.

honestly. i don't see the importance of celebrating the day. but.

a girl sure wants to be treated nice with gifts and all.

but, since then. she don't think she can see herself celebrating valentines in the future.

sounds sad??

maybe yes, maybe no.

WHATEVER!

today. is the last day here. in Kuala Terengganu.

i skipped 2 lectures today. LOL

going to back to college tomorrow, starting my new semester.

I hope it will be a great sem!

i can't wait to back actually. :)

i want to break free!

staying at home. I've had enough.

no more.

then my frequency of writing and facebooking will drop.

due to the shit reception of broadband signal at the hostel area.

or maybe miracle happens!! :D

New Semester.

New energy

New enthusiasm!

it's going to be a good day today.

i don't want to think other than that though.

-Your name is the name forever on my lips-

A date with spring

i prefer nothing than something more but will hurt me in the end.

i prefer friends that really know me well inside out than a bunch of friends that only know how i look.

if physical is really that important for my future.

i really would do my best to improve it.

it's only for me. and no one else.

fingers dancing on the keyboard.

i love the sound old type writes more.

i love it when four of us hangout and talk about anything everything and nothing but rubbish.

and sometimes we do pour out a lot to each other.

the days spent together. the way you all accept me as i am.

all of these means a lot to me.

but, maybe the hurt is too deep.

sometimes. i really don't know what to think or what to trust.

it's my own doings that cause this.

what should i do.

the gap and distance is too far.

it had been lapse by time.

only songs that can remind me of the vivid memories.

after my primary.

i tried so hard just to erase everything.

to avoid everyone.

to be invisible to them.

don't you know, it hurts more than anything just to see people we used to be "close" with

ignore you. as if they never meet you before.

the millions of questions that pops up in my mind in the flash second.

i really don't know where to get the answer.

some times i don't get it when.

others criticizes questions that people ask and solutions that people seek.

i wonder why are they hurting others just to boost their self esteem.

why people ignore others after they have the other half.

The world is contaminated. doomed. crooked. crowded. dammed. polluted. hopeless. helpless.

bits and bits of good in the world is gone day by day.

aren't you aware of that?

why aren't you sad?

why isn't anyone doing anything to stop this?

if by writing. i can stop everything. i would write.

but i guess.

my writing is nothing but crap.

people just don't know me.

i am no super woman or wonder girl.

i ain't super model or pretty face.

i am just me.

i guess that's all for tonight.

read it or leave it. it's up to you.

Thanks :)

I love you.

i want to love you till the end

but dear,

you don't get it neither do they.

the difference between us.

are unchangeable.

they are trying so hard to tear us apart.

and we will eventually give in.

my mum would say this is rubbish and not mature.

maybe she's right.

what are we fighting for?

forever and always.

i know you want to. :)

you are a good guy.

yes you are.

and i am a lucky girl.

no. i am to selfish to let you go just yet.

not now.

-if it can be changed, it will say i do. there will always be a but-

Chinese New Year 2011

Since small i loved Chinese New Year

my parents would bring me to Yong Peng. (my mum's hometown)

and there i will meet everyone! :)

my cousins, and my relatives. Most important, my grandmother.

though i am not really close with the adults but i really enjoy playing, running around whole day!

with the kids.

as i grow older. there's less running and more heart to heart.

i love talking to them.

listening to their complaints, their encounter with weird teachers at school and many more.

I felt free. just to stand in the middle of the road.

to look at the palm trees. and to feel the wind.

despite the flies.

i love everything there.

The FOOD especially!

i eat and eat as much as i could! seriously!

i don't get that at home everyday.

and the best part is eating together.

we are a BIG family. and whenever we go out visiting or even eating out.

it feel as if people are afraid of us. we out numbered everyone. ;)

i love it.

i appreciate the days i spent there, although sometimes the kids really makes me want to RIP their heads off. but i still enjoy it. :)

the best part of Chinese New Year is not getting red packets.

for me, it's the time we spent with our families. to bond with each other.

for some of us that only meet each other once a year.

it's an opportunity that kills to get.

i slept soundly each night.

no more nightmares no more weird dreams.

i slept early each night and woke up early to see food on the table. ready to be eaten. :)

i spent my every second talking and laughing.

I love FIRECRACKERS! i love the sound of it. when every house in that area are celebrating.

i love the laughter of kids.

i love the greeting and wishing when red packets are distribute.

i love it when we would line up. from the youngest to the eldest and i would always be at the back. :)

I will really miss them.

my babies :)

i remembered my grandmother telling me.

we are the closest relative. we are a family, she told me to take some time off to visit her.

my dad, he's the only child in his family so. i don't have anyone in Kuala Terengganu. really.

all i have is them.

well, guess what. all i did was smile and nod my head.

i wish i could do more than that.

there are tons of pictures taken.

i will definitely upload them as soon as my sisters finish editing them.

glad that you came.

thanks :)

glad that you said that.

thanks again :)

besides them, you are all i have.

:)

-Happy Chinese New Year-

30 January 2011

:)

The town is paint yellow.

i have so many things to say.

but i can't keep posting wallposts on facebook.

looks weird.

so i might as well say it here.

OUT LOUD!

i think i am sick.

not literally sick but...

no body would understand.

even me myself don't understand the way i behave.

early in the morning

the noise and all.

PLEASE give me a break!~

Enough already!

don't spoil the day!

it's just a picture of people's religion or celebration.

you don't need to pass it around like...

i don't want to say that word.

and what about you?what about you pasting everything all around the country!

with the amplifier on so loud

all around this!

should people delete it.

should people burn it down like you did to others?

like you asked your followers?

i just find it hilarious!

don't try to tell me about the war!

it's been hundreds of years.

what are you fighting for??!!!

the stupid piece if land?!

or the same Him?!

Just to be clear we did not make a sound when you announced to be Superior.

for more than 50 years we kept quiet.

and what we get?

No! what our younger generations get?!

it's a shame.

sometimes i wonder.

when you say freedom of speech do you mean by killing someone when they know the truth and is about to tell the public about it?

Do you want our country to lead or to be lead by others?

Do you want our younger generations to fight among each other and have no more peace.

Do you want our country to drown and never be brought back to surface again due to burdens, corruptions and many others necessaries bull shit to pull it down?

Didn't you notice that?

I love my country! and i am proud to say i am from where i am. MALAYSIA.

but please.

don't make us hate you.

don't make us feel disgusted when you say the word ONE.

please.

Stop it all.

i know it's complicated.

but everything starts by somebody leading. someone that dares to take the step and change.

great leaders.

Where are you.

i know you are here.. somewhere.

Please come out and guide your nations. away from darkness.

Let us see LIGHT.

**all of the above are just my own point of view of the situation that people around me face.

i am not responsible and no charges should be taken against me.

-The moment of truth is near-

Let go

I changed my blog's URL.

guess it's time to let go.

well, makes no difference though.

change it or not my readers are still the same.

:)

i even change the layouts. looks better now

glad to have changed it :)

hope you all like it.

to who ever out there..

reading my blog :)

thanks.

really appreciate it!

worried.

but i know he can take care of himself. :)

-You too :)-

Bonding

Damn that was long time ago :)

Yesterday i found out a few pictures of me and my friends during National Service.

I had fun uploading them. :)

and the best part is tagging them!

i can't believe most of us still stay in touch.

but some.. is no where to be found.

I've been searching for him for a long time.

but i just can't find him yet.

I don't know when. but i hope one day he would find me.

my number 1 supporter? i guess. LOL

and sad thing is i can't find Bravo's flag.

i thought i took a picture of it.

well, let the by gone be by gone.

we were far from each other.

we cried we laugh.

we are still far from each other.

when?

when can we be together on the 23rd?

it's more than i miss you.

it's not just that.

i desperately want us to meet.

without all the drama.

when?

-just about to give up-

people don't understand

it's not that i am mad that they are on the same line.

i just felt really stupid.

since they did this to me.

yeah, so much for friends.

it's not like i don't have my own OK!

i am NOT desperate.

and for your info.

go see a dentist

for God's sake!

PLEASE.

am i a circus clown to you?

"i can't wait for you to come home"

DAMN i just can't wait.

I am so excited!

:)

you think that i will go put up a freaking fight with you?

Jesus! it's obvious that you don't know me.

well, it make sense though

we are not that close after all.

you are always in your own world. :)

and i am glad that you are.

fling it all away!

i am going to enjoy my holiday despite yellow is not in town.. YET..

-please stop-

Early

i woke up

and my eyes just wont shut anymore.

i don't want to know why.

today is the 2nd day i am home :)

when i stepped out from the plane.

i can feel sea breeze just gushing through me.

feels so good.

i wanted to shout I AM BACK!

it's nice to be home.

but. without yellow in town.

it isn't complete.

so, here i am.

sitting in a dark empty room.

desperate for people to read my blog as usual.

living my life like a fat bitch.

being laugh and laugh over again

and have no idea about it.

yeah. who cares man!

i am just being me.

thanks for showing the difference though.

i think it was you who left that fucking comment in one of my post.

to hurt me?

i wasn't even close to that.

i was just annoyed to be honest.

this is to show that your self esteem is actually lower than mine.

:)

you don't need to feel better by telling me off like that.

i felt sad for you.

seriously~

i am a fool. a serious joke.

life's just nothing but a serious joke to me.

glad that i am alive.

i missed you.

-please be back soon-