3 Days 2 Nights in Shangrila

I have no idea that Shangrila is that beautiful.

No. actually beautiful is not the word.

there's no words to describe it.

3 days and 2 nights

is not enough.

3 days 2 nights

and i am the one who is standing there waving good bye.

what if.

i stayed?

what if...........

Christmas 2010

the best ever.

I am a sinner.

Please wash away all my sins.

back from Shangrila.

time to face the real world.

Study. and 3.0 wait for me!

3 Days 2 Nights

is the best that I've had. since long time ago.

it's a dream, that all dreamers wont want to be awake.

believe me because i was dizzy when i woke up.

-It's not as simple as a dream-

Infinity

Have you ever talk about the future with the person that you never thought that you will lose in the future?

sometimes. Things are really different, i can still remember the first time i saw him.

it's a kind of feeling that say " HE IS THE ONE" it's like a little voice in your head.

i believe i am not the only one who experience this.

but, as we grow. as we get to know each other more, like each other

and then eventually fall in love.

and that's when things starting to get complicated.

everything seems to change.

and you will start to wonder.

am i making a mistake since the beginning?

it hurts more when remembering conversations about both of you.

talking about the unknown future.

at last, both of you will just end up, quarreling, hating each other

and eventually ending everything.

and one day, maybe 40 years later, on a warm Sunday afternoon,

sitting beside the window drinking tea.

maybe looking at your grandchildren.

maybe. and just maybe. those flash images of both of you will appear.

back then, things are so simple.

when I LOVE YOU is enough to make my day.

when i can smile when his name pops up on my phone.

when this world seems to be such a wonderful place.

no, i mean, this world is still really beautiful and all.

but, it's different when you start seeing things moving in slow motions.

the voices of people seems to chimes. people around you are always with smiling faces

and everything is so... Bright. YELLOW ( for me)

even things that you used to hate isn't that bad anymore.

even the air smells sweet and nice. :)

and please don't tell me that what i wrote above is nonsense.

i dare you swear that you never encounter this before.

i dare you!

You can just ignore it, if you hate my writing so much.

i mean. i wont kill myself because no body's reading my blog.

just like i say. i write what i want.

why life have to be so hard.

why can't it be easier?

i see people around me.

going around. enjoying their life.

I want to travel too.

as if i can. just leave everything and walk!

but, it's not fair.

so, i might as well continue my same old life.

with the same old routine.

sad, that girl still doesn't understand that people are asking her to STOP typing idiot.

glad that i am in MC D now.

MC D's still the BEST!

-I don't have the power to control-

Is this real?

can you feel my heart beat?

it's not really racing. but. with unusual beat.

obviously faster than usual.

Yes. I promise, but.

there's always a but.

BUT! I don't even know what's the but for?

shitting?

You really make my day :)

Thanks.

and i can tell you. it's not that shallow anymore.

this you can trust me.

really. for everything.

maybe you just needed someone to be with you.

especially when you are new.

and i believe it will eventually pass.

But again.

please don't be that soon.

I can't let go just yet.

you know what.

I am glad you said that.

I don't want to be behind you.

Let us walk side by side :)

I miss my home.

it's December already.

time really do flies.

Next year. Will be a wonderful year.

I hope.

for both of us and everything.

-Call me when you are bored-

A breach of trust

I know i am not a law student or anything but.

this girl sure know a little something about law! ;)

a lot, happened this few days.

seriously.

you don't wanna know what it's like.

i did that to him. and i am sorry for what I've done.

sorry! :(

and i was. wrong.

what got into me?

to the extend that....

speechless.

am i taking him for granted?

i guess i took everyone nice to me for granted :(

my mum do say that. sometimes.

I love Jay Chou but i guess i have to sacrifice for the best.

and i want to be the best!

listening to his songs since i was. really young and getting his albums was the best of it not until i got scolded by my dad.

it's not a waste of money dad! :)

i think :P

my life time collection, but it's half way.

i don't mind. really.

well, i am hoping to see the rainbow after all the rain and storm.

please.

i don't wanna die in my dreams.

-i need to see your smile not only for today but forever-

9 Months

9 Months already?
and a little late.
there's really alot to tell.
where to start or not to start at all.

but it really don't mean anything without you with me.

I am blinded.
or did i cover my eyes with my own hands.

i don't know.
which is black and which is white.

i am color blind.
show me and lead me.

you and me?
or there's no more you.

clap if you are glad.
look at me.
can't you see which finger am i showing you?
there take it!


-i don't know what i want.-

Lagenda Budak Setan

this is really a good book! by Ahadiat Akashah. A Malaysian writer.

i got this from the book

it's just beautiful.

I never try to impress the queen with my writing

or making the birds sing

or the phones ring

i never want to make you cry

or die

or sigh

I just want to write because i HAVE to write

i just want to write about things i knew RIGHT

so sorry if the writing is about heart

or blood

or tart

because i'm going to write about what i'm going to write

whether the writing is about ride

or guide

or kite

and i never give a DAMN whether

you like it

or HATE it

or yell about it

because i write for what i have to write

and of course i'm going to write

a special book for you to read

not to greet

or spit

just read

and read

till the last deed

reading this while listening to the songs that we used to sing together.

wondering about the tragic love story of Kasyah and Ayu.

it gave me a stronger will to write.

and to write till the end.

to write till my fingers are all crooked.

to write till the last piece of paper.

and to write about anything and everything.

who cares if you want to criticise or curse.

it really doesn't matter anymore.

i don't care what will happen next.

maybe i am too engrossed.

or maybe i am just emotional.

but what happens next.

will eventually happen.

there's nothing to worry about.

i really do miss the time when we were younger.

when running seems so fun.

-the clock continues to tick-

Different

I guess i got hit on the head twice.

I write what i want. To express what ever i like.

those comments from other low life anti social losers are just some pain in the eye.

i won't do anything to change though.

Freedom of speech. Do you have any idea what it means?

So what if I criticise people?

it's up to me.

and did I ever mention any names?

NO ASS HOLE!

There was never a contract between us. so there's no offer or acceptance.

Don't you dare judge me!

Even if i am desperate enough to go FUCK myself. It's none of your business either?

SHIT FACE!

true friends and true comments.

i accept.

Yeah. people like me should go die and never ever exist i guess.

i know the difference.

You don't need to remind me.

Seriously. even there are obvious differences.

What should i do?

Say something SMART ASS!

people just love to make other people's life difficult.

come on!

CHALLENGE ME!

or should i say PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN FUCKING SIZE!

this is all BULL SHIT!

it feels so good to curse.

yet. it don't mean anything.

i am just reflecting my own low mentality.

to give or to take it's not up to you.

just go FLY KITE!

-I seriously need more Jesus in me-

朋友

今天很開心 :)

回來家裡已經有兩天了。。

說好要讀書的。。但卻。。沒做到。

回家哪能專心啊。。:P

今天為何那麼開心呢？

因為吃得好飽哦！！！

天啊！回家真的沒有挨餓的一天 :)

剛剛和兩個老朋友出去吃火鍋還有喝一級棒的西米露！！

偷偷告訴你們。。其實。。我家裡今天也有弄火鍋哦。。但吃得。。不是很開心。。

我真不明白，為什麼一家人就不能開開心心的坐在一起吃頓飯呢?

拜託。。你女兒一個月回來就那幾天。。

算了。。習慣就好。。

還是老朋友最好。。:)

謝謝你們。。我真的很珍惜我們之間的友情。。

一起走過的歲月 :)

剛才，吃著美食，聽著好歌。。和最好的朋友。。人間享受呀！！ :)

我們要一起跑向未來。。一起加油！ :)

give me the logic

Hello.

i know it's weird for me to write my blog 2 days in a row but.

there's something in my chest that i really need to let it go!

OH MY GOD! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THERE ARE SUCH PEOPLE ALIVE

yaya i know i am still living in a box.. but. it's kinda hard for me to accept it..

it's not against the law to be XL or XXL.

i know it's easy for you. skinny BITCH!

some of us are born like this. you think we chose to be like this?

THINK AGAIN SMART ASS!

yeah you! smart ass! since you are so freaking smart!

ouh and i take it back the post i posted on facebook sometime ago. "i wanna be a skinny bitch so freaking bad"

i take it all back!

i am so grateful that God gave me extra!

luck to have all the fats hanging around me!

i am extremely huggable!

proud to say that He accepted me for who i am! YEAH!

and my family and true friends love me for who i am too!

bad news for you, my MAN here loves me even i put on another 1000 pound or so!

so back off!!!

at least i am happy with my life.

and when i stare in the mirror i see the real me!

not just some plastic acting nice in front of others.

people that truly know me, they know that i never FAKE.

take it and accept it!

-why am i doubting myself?-

8 Months

8 Months already?

and i am writing this for the 8th time?

the night is cold.

it is because of the distance.

despite the rain.

can we be together on the next 23rd?

are we still together?

i am starting to feel attached to you.

it's not good. isn't it?

sometimes. i really wonder why do we play with fire although we know that we might get hurt in the end.

things are smooth and sometimes rough.

but it's the kind of feeling that i get makes me want to go on.

:)

my super number 1.

-Missyoutoo-

20102010

today's not special thought despite the date.

it's been long since i last update my blog.

i don't have anything to write anymore.

someone took my inspirations away. :(

fights

quarrels

we been it through.

but, it was never nice.

i think my hostel toilet need some renovation and maintainence.

people now a days don't know manners.

how can they shit out of the toilet bowl?

isn't that insane?

however. i just hope that it will be gone soon!

as it was there since this afternoon!

darling. i miss you dearly!

everything about you~

how can i prove to the world that fat is not a sin?

how can people accept me?

how why who?

it's difficult and they don't understand.

they never will.

am i going to tell people the way i love you is through my phone?

other people. i don't care. i should and i will remain silent.

block it all.

-inspirations come back to me-

Flying back or flying to?

Tomorrow.

is

near. as the clock behind me keeps ticking.

and the clock on the desktop.

i am excited to go back and at the same time, reluctant.

wish that i could spend more time with my friends.

i seriously do feel that i am left out.

i missed all the good stuff.

and that's my fault.

i chose to be like this. i guess.

there's good and bad. :)

didn't thought that i would regret my decision.

but. it's a little different now.

i guess he can't replace them.

BUT

i still love spending time with him.

and with consequences.

what am i?

a risk taker?

or am i young and brave?

Nope. i am just playing with fires. that's what my dad would say.

Things at college is getting tougher each step.

i just pray that i passed all my exams for last semester.

and hopefully. I can manage through the 5th semester.

I NEED PRAYERS PEOPLE.

I WANT TO BE NEAR TO THE LORD AGAIN.

but, something is always trying to pull me away from him.

each time i made up my mind.

distractions!

I JUST HOPE THAT YOU ALL ACCIDENTALLY READ THIS AND REMEMBER MY NAME IN YOUR PRAYERS.

-Speech from a sinner-

7 Months

This is the 7th time i am writing this.

but.

it's not as good as before.

i mean.

we were so near yet so far.

it's always the same.

it's special and at the same time it's not.

this is the 1st time that i am near to him.

but. unfortunately.

disaster always struck at the stupidest time of all!

my mum said i always blame others but myself.

and now i don't blame anyone.

seriously,

i wish i could shout.

LOUD!!!

i was like. crying and all today.

it SUCKS~!

i hate it!

i wonder. when can we celebrate our 23rd together.

WHAT I MEAN IS LITERALLY MEETING EACH OTHER FACE TO FACE!

not through web cams! SHIT! sounds like we are damn far!

i mean we are like 10-15km away i guess.

ouh well, maybe.

yeah ,maybe.

anyways. i am much better now. :)

-TODAY SUCKS!-

Lunch

Today.

I had the best lunch in so many years.

i never thought that will actually happen.

although it's simple. but with you. it's the best :)

i am a big eater. but it's weird that i was really full.

and i can't stop laughing.

you said. you like to see the way i eat.

it's funny.

i am like that because, it's the way you always treat me.

you always make me feels like the luckiest girl alive.

Lies. no!

i am not that good in lying.

i hate to lie.

i am sorry.

confused. indeed i am.

what should i do?

can God give me answer?

i seriously love what you done for me.

to You and to you.

to YOU ALL.

it's not that i don't love you all. but, i love you too.

what it means by being happy one second and sad the minute when people finds out?

i am really grateful mum. really.

i love you. and please believe me.

i don't mean to lie.

you are the best mum. i don't want to risk losing you.

but please. just give us time.

what should i do to get you to trust me?

everything seems impossible.

how can i love another and not hurting another?

my priorities. i am clear of it.

and i am not messing with my studies.

i try hard.

just to make you all proud.

but. as always, i am the black sheep of the family.

-Help me. Anyone-

cry on

Yeah.

Cry on that's what you told me.

but, you don't understand what am i crying for.

i mean. the situation that we are in now.

how can you take it so easily?

am i too naive? or your are not as serious as you think you are.

come on~

every one's saying that i am childish.

i don't even know how to think now.

For "undying love"??

i don't know who i am and what i am.

am i childish?

am i not thinking clearly..

-reformat my mind if you can-

今天

今天我又有话要说了。。

今天一早就接到你的来电。。

心情好得不得了。 :)

昨晚，是奇迹吗？

我很却定不是梦，他，找到我了，他。。

听到他的声音，却认不出。。是因为太久了，所以遗忘吗？

我真的很意外。

可是，另一个他却。。。。

别人谈恋爱，

我也谈恋爱。。

但，为什么我却谈得。。

死去活来。。煎熬。。

是我招惹来的麻烦吗？

其实，好马不吃回头草，这句话。。很难做到。。

可能是我自己的问题。。

我。。放不下。

家人的反对，我亲爱的爹娘呀，我真的不知道该怎么告诉您们，

我有多么的爱您们，娘，如果，我不说出口，您会知道吗？

我所想的，您能看透。

您爱我。。我能感受。

改邪归正。。我会很努力。

我真的很想。。。让您们以我为荣。。

毕竟我是长女，对不起。。

一直以来让您们失望。。

我和他。。

一切的一切。。

船到桥头自然直。。

请给我们时间。。

我知道您觉得我所写的都是废话。。

但娘，这些是我的心声。。

您不想听吗？

女儿不孝。

对不起。。

您会原谅我吗？

爹，我希望您听到我的所作所为，您还会容纳我。。

过了今天，我能确定，你是个好人。 :)

很高兴能有你在我身边，陪着我。。

可惜，你永远也改不了什么。。

你没有错。

错的是我们爱上彼此，

错的是，我们有很大的差距。。

我没勇气告诉你。。

当我看到你，对我抱着天大的期望时，我没办法。。

我也很想的，但。。

无能为力。

需要的付出和牺牲太多。。

我，办不到。。

我们的未来。。。。

-弟子规-

There's no happy ending after all

My life. is all about you. after i met you.

i can't think of a day that i don't think about you.

we meet almost once a month.

i seriously miss you.

but. why. why is it so much drama at home??

why on earth that they treat us like that?

why can't i put our picture as my profile picture?

why can't we go public?

it's not fair!!

so not fair!

just because he is a Malay??

i know people are talking about racist and all

but hey! if he's a racist he wont want me.

there are good and bad people out there.

and all of them are bad.

i mean for God's sake.

i am you Sister!

I know you fucking hate me.

well fuck off!

i will be gone.

and you BE DEAD!

people may say that i am stupid and childish to write this.

to be angry because of a guy.

but before you say so. THINK!

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN I DO THAT ABOUT THE ONE YOU REALLY CARE FOR?

don't fucking act like a saint cuz you ain't!

it's not going to last long.

i can feel it. it's near.

-It's all your fault-

Ticket to happiness

My ticket to happiness. starts from 1.05pm 6 September 2010 sharp. :)

i was sitting in the bus. thinking. is it going to happen.

betting with fate?

or is fate with me?

he came.

he came with his "horse"

and swipes me up the feet.

we rode happily back home. :)

stop by MC D to check on my 2 sisters.

they were doing great!

good job guys!

yesterday night was nice :)

until the evil queen came out.

everything was smooth.

when can we meet again?

every time is so near yet.... so far.

you are getting skinnier! :(

reminds me of my diet plan.

or do i have one? LOL!

-Your scars and your smell-

3191

another year. celebrating my birthday without my family.

but. enjoying the love from my friends :)

turning 20 soon. real soon!

excited? maybe.

hope to lose some weight! :D

and going to fight with Financial Accounting 2pm sharp.

and here i am still blogging.

Ouh my dear blogspot. i can't live without you!

well, that's all i guess.

Can't wait to go back!

-I WANT TO HUG YOU-

Half A YEAR?

I seriously can't believe we came this far. :)

i am glad that i know you.

Lucky to have you.

every month comes with a miracle.

a "i can't believe"

time passes really fast.

but somehow. it seems so slow during this exam week and all.

seriously can't wait to go back home. :)

I MISS YOU!

how i wish that you were here.

hate that we can't talk long on the phone.

CURSES!

p/s i know it's a little late to update my blog but.

-the most important is 23 :)

and forever and always?-

下雨

今天特别多感触，突然间很想用华语涂鸦。。

现在。。下着雨，听着外面的雨水声，真的有一点点的怀念

我也不知道我在怀念什么，就是。。。很难解释的感觉，寂寞吗？

我已习惯了。

音乐是我的忠实同伴，没有它我会很不知所错。

写部落格是什么一会事？我很难回答。

我所写的。。。并不代表什么。。那只是一瞬间。。。

本来因该乖乖的读书，但我。。。。。

有时灵感来得快，去的更快。

下雨天，网络收讯简直差到极点。。

没心情了。

亲爱的，我在等着你。。

-真的很难明白-

13 August 2010

it was fun yesterday. with my friends, at the beginning of the day.

when you gave me the morning call that i am always waiting for.

I MISS YOU!

seriously.

am i getting too desperate or something?

am i annoying you?

i mean i can understand you situation now but.

erhh!! what ever.

plus. i really think i am going to lose something important to me.

what's happening???

everything is USED TO BE now.

yeah, you the best. you own everything.

and i am freaking fucked up!

this sucks!

this life sucks!

what if i really stumble trough my diploma and advance diploma?

i will get a job and?

start working?

what the hell??

and what's life all about??

i don't want to end there?!

my mum and dad always say that i can go when i can pay.

when is it??

when i am old and haggard?

when i am fat and old?

when i am a lonely woman with 12 cats??

i though my mum would understand.

life after marriage and having kids.

i am not saying that i am gonna get married now.

NO! BUT THINK OF IT!!!

sometimes i do think that, to play around is better than facing one person.

I AM NOT SAYING THAT I AM PLAYING AROUND.

but.........

i need vacation~!!!

to get out of here!

OUT OF MALAYSIA~

to leave everything behind and start over again.

when i see you, and when we walk side by side. i felt extremely happy.

so happy that i can't control but keep smiling and laughing all the day.

a lousy manager of feeling indeed.

-do you still love me as before?-

Account

why am i hating you so much???

i failed.

one more chance for me to make things right.

i hope i can do it.

but even i pass this doesn't mean that i will pass final. :(

why am i being so negative?

i don't know!!!!!!!

there's a lot on my mind now.

thanks for the prayers..

i really need them~

as if i can take a break.

i really need one!

-feels like crying-

最浪漫的一首歌

很久都没有在我的部落格乱画了。

今天很有空，刚从夜市回来。。真的好饱。

什么是浪漫？

其实我也不是很清楚。

可是我浪漫的定义是和他在一起，不管在哪儿，做什么，听着谁的歌。

能和他在一起就是浪漫，很幸福。

想当年，我对自己说要谈一场轰轰烈烈的恋爱。。现在算是吧。

得到了，感觉很不可思议。。

时间总是往前跑，我不是赛跑健将，很难赶上。。

我在后面追。

考试快到了，他会问我准备好了没。。亲爱的，我可以回答，我很怕，还没准备好，我需要你。

可是，我知道这是懦弱的答案。他不会接受，所以我会很坚强的面对。

赶快考完，马上飞回去见你 :)

总有一种感觉叫我，珍惜现在。。

我会～！

如果我跟他的现在，会变成将来的过去。。

这一定会是一个动人，浪漫的爱情故事。

-心爱的我很想你-

4:34PM

today is a Sunday.

i am not out to the mall or anything.

i am here in a small cosy room with 3 of my friends.

aiming for the best.

doing the best. i think.

to be the best? we really hope so.

I HOPE SO!

i am broke. i have nothing.

no money no knowledge.

am i human??

home.

i want to go home.

to run away?

no, i need vacation.

haven't been on vacation since college.

and just now i was just browsing through my friend's pictures with her guy.

i like it :) they are so loving and natural.

i even browsed through my friend's new born baby picture :)

and then i thought of something.

something that everybody wants.

can we? be together and have a happy family?

can we ? be as natural as them???

why aren't we?

because.

we all knows. no need to explain. it's the same old thing again and again.

how i hate to repeat it.

to have a unforgettable wedding.

to have a happily ever after with you.

i really hope so.

to pass my exams with no re-sit and repeats.

God i really need you with me.

-To fly with colours-

5 Months

Ya udah 5 bulan si~

:)

i can't believe we actually make it this far. 5 moths is long. i think.

despite all the obstacles.

all the i don't know how to describe.

but it's sad that we can't be near though. never ever celebrated together.

why can't we just be close.

for 1 day. 24 hours. 1440minutes. 86400seconds.

why can't we??

my super number 1.

:)

here i am and there you are.

i am here, stressed out with assignments and all.

how i hope that you are beside me. with a cup of hot milo.

and i am the luckiest girl alive :)

however that's not going to happen.

i might as well. dream.

happy to be your girl ;)

-can we ?-

Complication

people say friendship is suppose to be love.

but i don't really see it in real life.

i mean i can't deny that certain things that i see around me is totally the opposite with what i have heard.

i like to day dream.

yes. a day dreamer indeed.

i am not a hypocrite.

once i like something i will, with all my might like it.

when i hate something. i will try to find ways to not hate it but still hate it.

college life isn't complete with good friends and classmates.

they are what makes me want to go to class. despite the lecturers.

but things are not that simple anymore.

complicated.

i am not in the situation either are you.

posting something like that makes us look bad in front of the whole world

because it's facebook.

something between 2 person should be settle within the area.

to read not to read.

to criticise or to praise up to you.

i am solo.

i write, i breath, i eat.

i have the rights.

to object is your business.

words must be chosen carefully, to object the truth.

when white is always pure

and black is always trying to prove that nothing can be darker than it.

and we always know who's the truth.

to pray and to hope. things like this would stop.

friends. i really do mean what i say.

you action is driving me insane.

and yesterday i realised i need you more than i expected.

-stop the guns, stop the shooting. STOP THE WAR.-

July

time sometimes flies

and sometimes creeps itself towards us.

and sorry to say we seldom pay attention to it.

it's July already.

2 more months and i will finish this sem! :)

to go home.

home. why it dosen't sound as exciting as before?

when i am home. and all is in a mess.

without you and with you.

obstacles.

where should we go??

or are we ever gonna meet???

i just can't stop thinking of it.

i miss you i really do.

so badly that words can't even describe.

this thing between us is not just between us anymore.

it affects others too.

there are things that i dare not tell you.

because i want our relationship to be something good and happy and blessed by everyone.

not just you coming like a criminal hiding from police.

what should i say?

finding for conclusion.

-i want our happily ever after too-

Used?

prey or predator.

using or being used.

which are you?

or you are mutual.

win win situation?

i was Ok with that last time.

but this few days kinda felt used. :(

not saying that i am really good in that something. but if you ask sincerely.

i would try my best to help.

but no.

it'd just another.

i exist because you need me.

and after that i am gone again.

it's sad and frustrating.

is your friendship true to me. or am i just another tool?

cruel world, cruel situation.

sitting here. beautiful morning. hate that we can't text!

study CBO.

-Why can't we get free calls for the rest of our life?-