Things you don't know

Things you don't know.
Despite everything that you know made you leave me.
There are tons of things that you don't know and will never know.
I doubt that you will even care anymore.

Things that you know
- leaving me makes you happy
- leaving me is letting a burden go
- leaving me is the best for you and only you.
- leaving me because you are tired and you never really love me
- leaving me because you gave up
- your ego is more important



Things that you don't know
- Me trying not to give up on life.
telling everyone and myself I am so much better
hoping that it helps
and today, yes today i realised i was never really getting better.
i was avoiding.
avoid feeling anything
avoid crying and being sad.
- i am lost, so lost that i don't know what to do, what i want with my life
- i feel so empty inside. and lonely
- i fake laugh a lot. because faking happiness is the only thing i can do now.
- i missed you a lot too.
- i think about us a lot, things that you said things that we did together
- every corner reminds me of you. of us and how we used to be.
- i lost hope in relationship and doubt that true love exist.
- i ate a lot, i drink, i started smoking a lot, i party just because it makes me forget about this pain
just for a few hours.
- i am trying so hard to be positive everyday just to feel better, just to survive through the day
- i thought i can be happy without you, i am really not sure now.
can i?
- pictures of other couple annoys the shit out of me.
- i am jealous, yes i am, i am jealous of my past.
- you, changed me fucked me up, fucked up my life.
- I still love you very much, and for a split second i wish you come back.
i really do.
- i wish you were dead, will it make me feel better?
- i wish i cheated of did bad things to you so i feel better that you left.
- i wish i was a controlling bitch and fuck up your life before you left, that would make me feel better.
- i doubt that there's anyone that will love me like you did.

So many things that you don't know.
What have you done?
Why did you do this to me?
What am i doing with my life.

How many prayers and wishes to make this pain go away?
How long will it take, for me to really live again?
It has been a while now since you left since we last met each other when is this going to end?
I don't think i can take it any longer.
I hate it when people say cliche things like
"you will feel better again, or you will find someone new that will appreciate and love you"
FUCK THAT.
seriously FUCK THAT
i know i wont.
i know it. i have used up all my luck.
it will never be the same again.

I know people that are reading this might think that i am stupid to waste
my time writing about an ass hole that will never read my blog or even care about me anymore but
bitches, this is my real emotions.
This is how i feel right now this very moment.

Judge as much as you want. I don't really give a fuck about my life, do you think i give about how you think of me?


- fuck off-