I wish you hell

Tonight is one of those nights again where memories become my worst fear.
I am tired, I just want to sleep but images of you haunts me.
Honestly even your sister's instagram scares me.

I have been talking to a few friends about break up and relationships problem.
You know what, at the end of the day,
I realised that you, Jay, is a heartless bastard.
Just like your father.
You said you never want to be like him.
but boy, the way i see it, you are so much like him.

Yes you are.
Blocking me out from your life.
It is better that you die.
It is better that you were never alive
running away from problems and giving lame excuses.

Blocking me out from your life.
As though as i meant nothing.
Why say "I love you" when you planned to do this to me?

Was it because you did not have faith that made you so heartless?

You think you are some kind of hot shit?
Blocking me out like a dickless looser.
I wish you die a horrible death.
I wish you the worst thing that i could ever wish for my worst enemy.

Breakups are sad, what is even sadder here is,
Jay, blocked me out from everything of his life
he thinks he is so great and powerful and always right
he thinks that he will never regret what he did.
he did not even block out his other exes but he blocked me.
like i am a piece of shit.
I felt so insulted the fact that i gave my heart and soul.
the fact that we talked about getting married
and this is what i get when you dumped me.
I wish i did horrible things to you when you were with me.
I wish i cheated with your best friend.
I wish i betrayed you.
I wish i can crush your heart and stomp on it like it is nothing.

Go to hell Jay.
seriously, deep in my heart I wish you die a horrible death.
i wish you can feel how i am feeling now and a billion times worse.

You all think that breakups are so sad or you can't be with the guy you love or you have been friend zoned.
Bitches, chill nothing is worst than being blocked out of everything as though as he never loved me, never knew me.
after all he did for me, after he said "I love you" he left me.
like a used condom.
As least for other people, the person is still there, they still exist, you can still see them occasionally.
not for me, it is as though he vanished.
That's why it is better for me to think that he is dead.
He die without a funeral.
Or the Jay i knew, the Jay that used to loved me, died.
That guy, that i loved so much, he had compassion, and so much love to give,
i think that guy is dead.

I wish which ever girl you are with now gives you hell and all kinds of sex disease.
I wish the girl that you are in love with now crush your heart a million times worse than you crushed mine,
I wish the girl fucked your best friend in front of you.

If I could cast a spell on you, I wish there's a spell stronger, more horrible than abracadabra.
I wish i have the chance to visit you on your death bed and the last thing you will hear from me is
"padan muka, pergi mampus"

Fuck off please. just fuck off from my head.
if there's a God. Please erase him from my memories.
maybe i was just a tool for him to get temporary happiness.

I think Jay is exactly like this girl that i know.
I can't imagine she can't be alone and love herself. She need to have someone with her sebab nak happy.
she told me "tak boleh kawin sebab dia pengkit, tapi nak happy kn." so she had to be with someone after her fiance break up with her.
yeah that is the type of mentality they are having. same upbringing i guess.
i cant believe i loved you.
Luckily we did not get married or anything.
If not i will be fucked by your fucked up world.

what a waste of time.

i was a used toilet paper to him.
maybe you will never mention me to your new girl friend.
yes because i was nothing to you.

-Tolong meninggal-