Someone once told me that if I fall in love with the heart instead of the look, it is either, i have to die loving that person or grow out of it.
This is a story about me falling for my best friend.
I don't know when, but fate is a funny thing in this story.
The fact that I have no clue how we knew each other or even have each other's contact is mind blowing.
I remember the 1st time hanging out with you, I have no idea that we have never met in person.
I have always thought that I knew you.
Maybe you were always there you know, like the familiar name that pops up on my social media.
So, we started hanging out and you introduced me to the boys.
I love hanging out with you and my boys.
Every weekend spent with you guys are special made me feel so refreshed.
the beginning of our friendship was having conversations about relationships and feelings. we talked a lot.
I love listening to your stories and you sharing your little secrets.
You know me as who I really am beneath all the tattoos and piercings. I mean you should know, after all the late night conversations.
Among all the boys I feel the closest to you but never crossed my mind as someone that I would actually fall for.
This funny feeling just gradually creep up on me, and one day I realised, it was too late to push stop.
I remembered there was once, hanging out at my place and it was the 3 of us, Din fell asleep, it was late and the quiet night was only filled with his snore. It was only you and I, talking till dawn. I think I fell asleep holding your hands. Despite how uncomfortable my couch was I slept peacefully with no nightmares.
Oh and dancing to our song. little special moments like that makes me fall even more. It was so obvious, you knew.
Then it sort of turn into some stupid flirting game between us, I was so confused by the things you said and did.
It was way out of the friendship zone.
I was so confused, afraid, it was basically driving me mad.
You were an ass hole giving me mix signals and refuse to talk about it.
maybe you enjoyed playing games. I can never really know what is underneath that professor head of yours.
You are effortlessly cool and sometimes charming in your own way, and I really like that.
I never see you as a loser, you are a little nerdy but cool at the same time.
and finally the time came, we had a very long talk about us.
turns out, it was just me.
all you wanted was to be my friend.
but you were still an ass hole to play games.
I guess i was hurt because I felt unwanted and i thought you were different.
you were my best person to call whenever all the other boys out there crush my heart, used me.
after all my heart break and drama, I'd always go back to you.
One of the biggest reason i fell for you was because, you make me want to be a better version of me.
You are calm and I am impulsive.
You are caring, and really a sweet person.
You seems always interested in my stories.
like you genuinely care for me.
also our inside jokes and being sneaky behind our friends.
or maybe you are the brother that i never had.
I am glad that we talked it out last night. I feel even closer to you since there's no stupid misunderstanding between us anymore.
does not make sense to give up on our friendship just because of what happened.
but, i dont think i can ever fall in love again though.
it sort of make me lose faith in a way. maybe this is temporary. i dont know.
I wish I can be your best friend during your wedding, I still sort of cannot picture seeing you getting married to another girl. I can't promise that wont crush my heart I guess I just need to put on a brave face and be happy.
Isn't that what friends are for?
I know it is still far away, but it is bound to happen.
At the end of the day, don't we all just want to feel loved and belonged?
and that is the story of me, falling in love with another person after Jay. it was still a fail isn't it?
I am not special, cool or pretty enough to be loved i guess.
I am not good enough.
-I am not at all trying to make you fall in love with me or anything-
