What?!

what!!!!!!

damn i am not in a good mood.

just this few days.

feeling really down.

and sad.

what about you?

are you feeling the same?

because i can tell it from your sms.

i don't know am i too sensitive

or crazy or obsessed.

or what.

i don't even know what i want now.

sometimes. i really do want to just close my eyes and hope that i can be beside you.

but. it's different in reality.

when you say. you love me.

do you really mean it?

or say it because you are also used to it?

how long are we gonna be like this?!

i hate this!

why can't everything be like it used to be.

when i wake up because of you sms.

and to hear your voice first thing in the morning.

when i trusted you.

when can i find the trust back?

i wan't to.

but. i don't feel. secure enough.

it takes time. doesn't it?

damn! i am really emo~

be here with me. please?

i beg you to think clearly. in what ever you are doing.

hey! i care about you! a lot! ok!

but. you seemed. i don't know.

what ever. believe it or not.

up to you!

i am sick, thirsty, and tired.

what a day~

-Emo-

Petang 29 May

Petang ni hujan.

Hujan lebat.

buat apa hari ni?

bangun pukul 10 nak dekat pukul 11.

cari hp tersayag.

macam biasa :)

mana member pergi?

entah la. ada aktiviti masing-masing. ada yang balik kampung.

nak balik jugak. :(

however. here i am. with thunder storm. listening to the songs that we used to listen together.

i wonder. do you really like them?

today.

it should be there.

but why isn't it there???

i am sick of clicking on the same old page

checking and checking.

till i get.. seriously nothing.

i really want to help.

i just don't understand. why isn't it there.

i am sorry.

kinda mad too.

all i want is to see you get what you want.

all i want is to be there, feeling proud and happy for you.

all i want is to be with you. :)

you can always tell me that you love me, if you really mean it.

because. i believe you.

i will just pray and pray for you.

the song i sang. during that night. that 400 people.

i was looking at you. did you notice?

although many may not remember. but i sang with all my heart.

despite the face that my voice is not that nice.

hmm sudah pukul 5.33pm.

apa nak buat?

baca novel. :)

-Be Positive-

3 Months

I know is a little late. but 23/5/2010.

honestly i really can't believe that it's actually 3Months and more for now. hehe

why didn't i update the blog on that day.

hmmm

i don't know. was too busy or excited i guess.

do you know how much i wish. that we can last really long. :)

but. there are things that we can't control baby.

well, i hope that you are happy. ALWAYS. i mean it.

and no matter what remember. i will always be there for you :)

ingat tu!! super number 1! hehe

and! jangan fikir banyak sangat. it's going to be OK!

doa je la! :)

-Ada orang koya Avarta-

The Promise.

Apa itu Promise?

Promise itu Janji. Ye kot.

hari ini hari selasa.

kelas lewat.

tengok movie the note book kat laptop. Best :)

terharu giler.

nangis seorang-seorang dalam bilik.

nasib baik roommate tak ada. hehe

cerita itu pasal pasangan bahagia.

biasa laa.. that movie is based on the novel written by Nicholas Sparks.

nak tahu detail pergi beli, pinjam, curi, rompak buku tu.. and then baca.

tapi pasangsan tu tak bahagia mana pun.

Noah and Elli

Elli tu anak orang kaya. Noah pulak budak miskin.

tapi. nak buat macam mana kan. 2 orang tu jatuh cinta.

Elli asal bandar. dia singgah kejap saja kat kampung Noah.

konon-konon Summer holiday.

akhirnya. parents Elli tahu laa pasal hubungan mesra anak kesayangan mereka dengan budak miskin tu.

rasa-rasa semua orang sudah boleh teka kan apa yang berlaku.

Elli terpaksa laa balik ke bandar.

Noah pulak stay kat kampung.

setaip hari... Noah tulis surat kat Elli.

tapi Mak Elli tu jahat. dia nyusuk semua surat-surat Noah.

365 pucuk surat! banyak tu.

Lepas tujuh tahun. macam-macam telah berlaku.

Elli... kenal orang baru. dah tunang dah.

Noah. sayang lagi kat Elli. sebelum Elli balik ke bandar dia pernah Janji. kata dia akan beli rumah usang kat kampung dia tu. Lepas tu nak buat renovation.

Noah pegang lagi janji tu. mesti laa. dia berjaya bina semula rumah itu. Cantik :)

Keluar surat kabar pulak tu.

Si Elli. terbaca pasal Noah dengan rumah tu.

Dia drive macam pemandu F1. nak pergi cari Noah.

AKKKHIIRRRR nya. lepas macam-macam dugaan.

Noah dan Elli. Live happily ever after.

TAPI!

tak happy mana pun.

Elli dapat penyakit Alzheimer...

memang dia tak ingat pasal dulu-dulu.

Noah pun tulis laa kisah dia dengan Elli tu dalam sebuah NOTE BOOK.

tiap-tiap hari. dia baca kat Elli.

kadang-kadang Elli ingat.

Kadang-kadang tak.

Kesian.

LAST but not least.

2 orang tu mati pegang tangan.

:)

ermh3 yang aku cerita ni memang tak detail mana.

tapi memang terharu sangat.

aku pulak fikir pasal.... banyak la fikir.

kalau forever and always itu betul. is it a promise we can keep baby??

hmmm

lagu Kimia asik ulang je.

Tak bosan pun :)

miss you so much!

-Ready to Class-

Me.

sometimes.

i really don't know what you are thinking.

sometimes i do feel like opening up your brain!

your heart just to see... what are you thinking.

am i crazy? or it's the distance that cause this thought?

i know it's not healthy. but. i can't control them.

they are like...

ants. crawling all around. kill them for me. will you?

I need you.

what are you thinking.

sometimes i thought i know you.

but, sometimes it just seems like. i don't know anything about you.

this stranger.

is it me? or it's something els?

-Know-

He was there.

here i am. i my room. alone. where's my roommate i wonder. LOL

facing my laptop as usual with his sms and some of his stuff around me :)

damn! i will really miss him like crazy and all~

just hope that i wont be like a zombie or something.

HE ACTUALLY WENT TO THE AIRPORT!!!!

and i thought he wouldn't.

and my phone was off. already checked in.

i was sitting there wondering. and feeling really sad.

But he was there!! SO NEAR!

we can't even meet for the last time.

he stood there. 8.20am 17/5/2010.

and goodbye.

when the plane took off.

i didn't know about that until i reach KL.

that fateful phone call.

broke my heart.

HE WAS THERE.

i am stupid. :(

he's the best!!

that's why he's my SUPER NUMBER 1.

:)

well, gonna start my 4th sem. although the timetable sucks. but. what ever.

PRAY THAT I WILL PASS ALL MY EXAMS!!!

result's coming out few more days i think.

not sure.

but please.

let me pass ALL of them! :)

-When you look me in the eyes-

She's Gone.

have you ever lose a person. So important to you.

the person that, you love more than anything els in the world???

i lost my grandmother. long-long time ago, when i was 7.

that was very sad.

But. have you ever lost someone important to you.

Someone you want to spend the rest of the life with.

Just gone.

No. i am too afraid to lose them.

but a very close friend of mine.

He lost his girlfriend.

she suffered from brain cancer.

the worst thing is..

he didn't even get the chance to take care of her

and he didn't even know about it until that day.

The day that he shed tears for her.

That fateful phone call.

My friend here. He really is a brave person!

i adore him!

he's so brave that he swore that from that day onward.

he will never shed a drop of tear again for her.

and from there. he live his life as usual.

but!

there are things that we don't know.

To her. He says:

the times where he would try to send her IM messages.

times where he would try imagine talking with her on his phone.

times where he search and search for an address to send letters to her.

times where he want to tell her tons and tons of things but can't.

and many more times that he wishes to see her again.

He's so brave! he hide it all from us.

and that makes me feel useless.

I cried. really. in front of them.

complaining about me and him.

he, as usual gave me advice.

and then i realized. i am such an ass to cry in front of him!

i am way more lucky then him.

I should face it. i wanna be as brave as him!

i wish i could.

my super number 1.

I love you. i really do.

sometimes when you look deep into my eyes.

i feel like crying.

because how much i wish to be with you forever is never gonna happen.

scarifies that we have to make. it's too much.

in this country. it's forever in never gonna happen without any BIG sacrifices.

I miss you.

but i have to go back. soon.

i don't know is thing gonna change.

but all i know now is. you are almost everything to me.

i hope you understand. because you are going to read this one day.

and when you are reading this, we probably are far away from each other.

i will always remember you.

this is not a promise but a fact.

-To be Brave-

when no one's at home

I am home alone. Again.

mamcam biasa la, adik-adik sibuk tusyen. mak ayah pulak ada program masing-masing.

tinggal aku je kat rumah.

Moyang pun ada aktiviti dia. TIDO la apa lagi kan. orang tua.

rindu kat si dia je la kerja aku.

sejak-sejak balik Terengganu ni asik rindu je kat MY SUPER NUMBER 1. :)

biar laa dah jumper pun.

Macam tak puas jer. :P

aku risau giler. macam mana laaa lepas balik kolej nanti.

dah dekat-dekat pun rindu dah. nanti balik kolej lagi laa.

nanti betul aku jadi ZOMBI!

hahahaha

hmm kan best kalu rumah si dia tu dekat dengan rumah aku.

aku kesian jugak kat dia. susuah-susuah nak mari rumah aku dah la panas.

PANAS SANGAT-SANGAT!!

si dia pulak naik moto. jauh pulak tu.

paham-paham je laa jalan tu bukan selamat. Risau sangat kalau ada paper jadi kat dia.

huhu

tapi nak buat macam mana. bukan aku tahu rumah dia kat mana.

kalau tahu pun, bukan aku boleh pergi.

hahahahaha

aku rasa aku macam menyusahkan dia je.

:( mari rumah aku...

bukan best pun. hadap laptop jugak. kadang-kadang cakap dengan moyang aku.

takut dia bosan :(

ishhh

AM i a good girlfriend.

WHAT HAPPEN TO ME!!!

:(

kesimpulannya, aku bosan. blog ni pun bosan. post ni lagi la bosan.

Bosan sebab dia tak ada.

bosan sebab aku rindu bangat sama dia.

entah la. cepat-cepat lah sembuh. I NEED YOU!

our love is the perfect crime??

-RUANG RINDU-

is this the last?

today, it's just like any other ordinary day. But with you here, makes it special :)

but why, why do i have this feeling that this is the last time we will ever meet?

i really do miss you.

Don't feel like going back to where i should go.

I miss you.

Don't you know that?

Can you hear me???

If there's nothing, no boundaries between us. I would say yes to everything.

But baby, there's too many. More than i can even imagine.

i am sad.

yes.

Please don't go.

or am i the one who should stay?

-I MISS YOU SO-

How's love suppose to be?

I Love You.

people love saying it.

it's a good word. i mean i love saying it too. but how many of us actually mean it?

Being with you. I don't feel alone and empty anymore :)

the hollow feeling that haunt me is long gone.

i wont feel empty like those quiet nights.

Those time where breathing is like nothing. there's no air. just hollow and cold.

I am really happy and grateful to actually know you. :)

i wonder, what do you feel about me?

i mean, like being with me and something like that. I know you like me :P

before and after, i don't wanna think about it.

I love being with you, the way we laugh, the way we think, the way you look deep into my eyes.

your smell :)

The way you love me? maybe.

And How's LOVE suppose to be??

i guess there's no boundaries and rules in love.

for me it's a really powerful feeling.

once hurt, the heart will never be complete even it's healed.

Again. i really fell hard for you.

these day i really have nothing much to write about.

I want inspirations. it's not like before anymore. when i can just blab anything out.

today is another BORING day.

You are like sick again. is it because of me?? :(

well, yesterday was FUN! :) baby lets do it again!

The whole playlist this time!!

:D

am i the 1st?

i don't know. but honesty i wish i were.

because you are.

With you it's the best :)

miss you though.

and you owe me COCONUT JELLY!

-Tomorrow-

Sick

when he says that he's sick.

i kinda feel. worried. but why??

i began to feel afraid of the distance.

seems like he's far away from me.

i miss him! very much and the worst thing is.

i can't do anything but WAIT!

hate that!

what am i waiting for? i don't know. seriously.

like an dumb ass. :(

when he's moody.

i feel the same too.

i guess.. but i wonder why.

i don't feel like going out with friends.

i just feel like staying at home.

just waiting for him.

despite he can't sms me because.. you know why. insufficient credit. :(

I just wish that MAXIS can give us free calls or anything.

damn!

What am i thinking???

where's the old ONG YII YOKE!!!

i kinda miss her. that girl, full of life and only think about being free.

not to lock herself up.

Baby! please get well soon!!

and remember my Coconut Jelly :)

I miss you!

-You make me Crazier-

His heart

Today's a BORING day! :(

i think you can guess why..

LOL.

yeah it's because of him again.

it's always like that since.. i don't know.. since, i came back here.

since he's always here with me.

Maybe i got used to it. hmmm..

should i??

But yesterday was fun :)

and you know i m just shy.

it's not that i reject you.

I love it when you do that.

if what you did means how much you like me.

then do it everyday~! hahaha

OMG sounds like a horny girl...

it's my 1st time you know.

i am not used to that.

Not at all.

you seems... i don't know, can i say experienced?

hahahaha something like that.

:)

*BLUSH*

then again a day is like a year.

I REALLY HOPE that you would come tomorrow.

Baby, don't think too much

you will get it this time!

I am sure.

i will pray for you always :)

just think positive Ok?

-HOPE TOO SEE YOU TOMORROW-

I was wrong

Baby. I am sorry :(

it's all my fault!

i shouldn't. really.

and then i realized. both of us is good enough~ :)

i hurts really. i don't wanna lose you. i think i really have fallen for you.

So don't you dare leave me Mr.Shahrul Faiz!

there are still many to think about.

there are things that we are not ready to face.

too many obstacles to over come.

2 days for me is like.

You know me. it's like 2 years not seeing you. :(

I kinda hate waiting. sorry. i know. sorry.

But! when you are by my side. we might as well put on a SMILE and you will hold my hand.

We will go on!

i hope so.

-Again, It's All My Fault-