Who's gonna stay?

people come and people go is part of our live.
meeting new people and old friends leaving.

I never thought that Sheffield and the people at church would make me so comfortable.
I felt belong there. 
Loved.
Yesterday was farewell for all of us summer semester students.
I was actually sad and for the first time in many months actually feel for other people.
I was a selfish bitch for a very long time. 
It must be God's plan for me to go there, to know him more.

I was so touched yesterday by some of the testimonials they shared i swear, my eyes were blurry and my head started to pound, too many emotions, I felt exhausted.

Everyone's leaving who's gonna stay? 
what are we leaving behind?
It never did struck me until yesterday that i will never, never, maybe in a very long time meet those people again.
It did felt like home, like they will always be there. 

Went to London last week.
was there for 4 days.
How can i ever explain the first time when I was right in front of London Eye.
I merely gaps. 
Laughing hysterically. 
yall know i'm a crazy bitch.

London bridge, Big Ben, Tower of London, St. Paul cathedral, Buckingham palace, British museum.
places only exist in television, in movies, books and postcards and posters. 
I never thought i would step near enough to touch them.
traveling by tubes, getting an oyster card, going underground.

pictures of the trip will be up on my facebook soon. 

I love London, big city, busy people, cars and lorries buses, cabs and bicycles everywhere. 
and when it rains, that misty morning, vividly looking at Big Ben at Trafalgar square.
those little moments that make me feel alive again, that my life isn't so bad to complain about, just a split second to get things out of my mind. 
to get far away from you haunting me. 
sadly when the clock strike 3.
I knew, nothing can be forever. 
few weeks ago I was thrilled when you said you'll wait.
You got me excited about going back, and nothing here matters.
But, how did you change so fast?


I didn't even notice things were wrong. or were they wrong from the very beginning? 
why is it the last isn't always the last?
how can you be so cruel?
what horrible thing happen to you that makes you, you?

can i not leave this place? 
-how does it feel not seeing you forever?-

Sun is dead

Dear music. 
You told me you liked me, but why did you go away? 
never imagined the ending would be like this.

Your name and music will forever be buried deep down in my heart.
You hit me like a Tsunami, one gigantic wave, dragged everything away, gone.
You hit me with numerous after waves, created more damage, as if the first damage wasn't enough
Your words hit me, but i feel physical pain. my heart acually hurts. 

What's done is done
What's yours will never be mine.
Recovery? 
The damage will never be forgotten. 

You sucked the soul out of their eyes
It's my fault to fall into your lies
when you say you never asked for it to happen
you should have known.

Their lifeless eyes tell stories
images of you haunts me.
I once thought my happiness matters to you.
guess, I was too naive.

My friends accused me of losing my mind.
I told them "I am living life, I feel alive."
it's me and my blind optimism to blame. You said. 
We should have know. You fucked me up.
deep down. 
This is all fucked up
It's me and my decision making skills.

You and your complicated life.
Things that you said still lingers in my head no matter how much i try to force them away.
I'll just stay here bleed and say, we are better off this way. 

I feel too much for you and dived too deep. staring at my phone. i know that you won't call anymore. that's cool, cuz now i see and i will be the best of me. 
I never thought that I can be this cool.
one day, it's all i need to get over it. 
one day. 

-this blog is for the broken hearts-
 -the sun is dead-

Old Trafford

This was one of my old drafts when i was in UK last year. 

I wonder why didn't i published it. Weird. 

Hello :)

I visited the Manchester United Stadium today.

Honestly I am not a football freak but the stadium was indeed magnificent.

Imagine the numbers of people during game time.

thousands and thousands of football fanatics cheering  

I am fortunate enough to cheer next week, immerse in the atmosphere.

The glory of the stadium itself is enough to have goosebumps.

Smell of the grass is so fresh on the perfectly cut field.

sitting in one of the seats, imagine David Beckham running.

Or Wayne Rooney trying to score a goal.

yeah that's about it, the players I actually know. LOL

walking around the stadium was tired enough, with my period and stuff.

Then we went to Manchester town.

I can only describe everything with a "Sigh" there.

Yeah. a sigh.

On the way home. I was thinking of you, again and again. 

Obviously your song was playing in my mp3.

This is your game, i wonder why am i so cool about letting you control the game?

What is this?

I miss your old whatsapp status. When you wrote my name.

Oh wonderful times. 

Erh I should've jot down words that came into my mind in the bus! 

damn!