Disaster Day 20. War has ended.

Day 20

Went busking with you yesterday.

All those memories.about us.
It was fun at first.
but
you put up that wall all the time.

It really hurt me.
a lot.
how can you be cruel and feel nothing when we go to our favorite place together?
how can you do this to me?

I love you so much. so much.

Sometimes  i feel, it's time to let go.
If you feel nothing towards me but friends, and there will never be a chance of us getting back.
please let me go and stop giving me hope.

I really need you.
all you gave was, nothing.

I don't understand what is it to be afraid.
I promise you I would change.
I really promise you.

I just need you to give me a chance. Why is it so difficult.
If you feel that this 6 months is nothing and you feel that our love is so weak that one small thing like that can destroy it. then, just let me go.


Day 20. The war has ended. No use fighting for what's not worth it.
No use fighting for you anymore
No use fighting for people that will never appreciate me.

You will always have a special place in my heart 杰。
I love you. I still do.

Disaster Day 19

Day 19

you said 12 more days and it's a month since we broke up.
can it not be?
:'(

It all feels the same doing the same thing we used to do.
For me at least.
But you. You put that wall up all the time.

Yesterday was more than intense.
Don't you feel it too?

I wonder what are you waiting for.
Who are you waiting for.
What am I to you?

I will never believe you if you say you feel nothing but just friends.
:'(


I miss you. 杰

Disaster Day 18

Day 18

I just want you to know that no matter what other people think about you
say about you, judge you.
I don't care. I know the real you.
The one deep down in there.
I don't care what mean things they say.
I don't care.
all the shit things that people say about us about you, I'll just pretend that they are barking.

I believe in you. You are not what they think.
You are so nice and smart.
Kind and funny.
Sharp and talented.
no body can love like you.
That are the things I see in you.


I just want you to know that even every single person in this world don't trust you,
please know that I am here.
I will always be on your side. no matter what.

People call me stupid call me dumb. I don't care.
I just hope you see me the way I see you
and love me back like you used to.

:(
not, just as friends.
I want to be your friend, your partner, your shoulder to cry on, your cuddle puff, your life.
I want to be yours and you mine.

You don't need to be afraid. Let me protect you now. I will protect you.
I am not them. They are bitches that broke your heart, I will never ever let them touch you not now not ever.
I won't do any thing that will break your heart anymore. I swear.
You can trust me. You know that.
So give me your hands. Let me hold on to them, lets start again, moving forward, this time, together forever.

Come back to me.

I love you. Always.

Disaster Day 17

Day 17

Went karaok with friends yesterday.

It was fun.
but. nothing is fun without you.

I miss our karaok sessions
and i would be your number 1 fan.

I miss you singing and looking me in the eyes.

I have not much to say.
just hope that someday you would come back to me.

you said you miss me yesterday.  I wonder is it true?


:(

it kills me.
You don't know I am blaming myself everyday.
Every single fucking day. All I'm thinking is all my fault all my fault I am going crazy!

Every fucking seconds for what had happened 17 days ago.
How long do you wanna see me suffer.?

Please. Come back to me

I love you 杰

Disaster Day 16

Day 16

I'm such a trouble to everyone.
I hope that I can get my car soon.

Like real soon.

Yesterday was as calm.
We did text.
You were all funny and cute

I really wonder why are you waking up late this whole week?
Why are you so tired?
What did you do after our phone conversation?
I just block out any negative thoughts of you.

I block it all out. I want to trust you. I don't understand why.

I am really getting use to giving you space. Wishing that you would miss me more.
Sadly you only miss me a little. :(

I miss you.
I hate to say this but I need you back.

Come back to me soon :')

I love you 杰

You are all of them combined. 

Disaster Day 15

Day 15

Same old unproductive day yesterday.
It really suck shit not having a car.
people despises you.
All those trouble just because of me.

I hate myself.
I hate the car stealing low life fucking shit face son of a bitch.
Can he die? Please die a horrible death. Please die a horrible death and no one is there to claim the body.

You were so mean to say it's a lesson for me.
Well you are not 100% wrong. :(
You stupid wall is still up.
:(

It was raining like hell yesterday after work.
Had to wait for cab under the rain.
I was about to go home, but then, i changed my mind.why not?
I went to you.

It's our little tradition that I would always go to you whenever it rains.
and we would sit in my car, waiting for the rain to stop.
and we would listen to music, play games.
raining hugs and kisses are the best. I miss them. I really miss them.

You were happy. I think. You smiled. :)

Yesterday was dull as usual.
I feel color fading from my life.
I miss our crazy adventures.
I miss our little missions to find for food or shops or just somewhere new.
I need you back, partner.

I need you. Please come back to me soon.

I miss you 杰

Disaster Day 14

Day 14

2 weeks since you left me.
Felt like it has been months or even years. painstaking days :(

Yesterday was as dull as before.
took full public transport to work.
am I pampering myself too much?
got used to having a car. taking public transport seems like a pain.

I was weird you asked me why did i start jogging.
I thought you wanted me to have my own life?

besides, running makes me think more, i can see things clearer.

Had long phone calls with you yesterday.
planning for our next road trip.
This is fun.
until you mentioned him.

Why do you need to mention him and spoil everything?
Why?
Yes, it's my choice to go meet him that night.
There's no explanation for what I've done, i just needed someone to comfort me and he seem like the right person that time.

and yes it's your choice to chose her first before me, 
and it's your choice too to hurt me before. 
It's also your choice to let her into your life. 
It's your choice to make her fall in love with you. 
It's your choice to "help" her with her shit that has nothing to do with you.
It's your choice to push me away and pull her in. It's your choice. 

Yes, I met him but i did not push you away, i did not chose him. 
Yes I met him but all i can think about was you, you. 

Where were you when i was crying and trying to pull you back to me?
Where were you when i was crying and shivering inside out?
Where were you when i needed you the most?
Where were you when i needed hugs?
Where were you when my car went missing and i needed you with me?

Where were you when i want to get back?
Where were not there when i need you.

There's no reason for me to go back to him.
You know how much i love you.
You know how much i want you back.
You know nothing happen between me and him.
You know I can get back to him by just one phone call, but i am not going to do it because i know you are the one for me.
You know. I can, but I won't ever see him again.


you wanted me to trust you. so where is your trust to me? 
do not put me in the same place as your exes. i am nothing like them. they are nothing like me.
they will never, can never love you as much as me. 

I need my partner back. I really do.
where are you?
come back to me soon.

I love you 杰