Who is Madeleine?

I shouldn't be doing this at work. but fuck it, inspirations only come once.

Who is Madeleine?
People at work know me as Madeleine.
my instagram is registered as @madeleineismad 
so who is this Madeleine?
Here goes,

There was once a fat confused girl finished her studies for good.
and come the time where she had to get a job for herself. 
so her aunt called and offered her a job as her Personal Assistant. 
as confused she was, she blindly accepted the offer without thinking of the outcome.
When reality hits, she had to act and dress like a grown up. 
No more side shaves
No more piercing at the lips
Life used to be simple and then, she had to change her name, because the name she had wasn't presentable enough. She never knew that using the fancy names can change people's perception on her. 
so she prayed and she prayed. 
The wicked witch granted her wishes, she gave her a mask. The Madeleine mask.
She had to put on that mask every single morning no matter how sick she is of wearing it.
and as days went by, she found herself more and more confused. 
This Madeleine mask is making her do stuff, bad stuff. 
Things that is so horrible that she had to hide in her car and cry.

This Madeleine mask is deceiving, The innocent look of the mask,  master of twisting stories, of plotting, and getting herself out of trouble. 
Madeleine has no soul. She is just a mask. 
People don't know that, people was so impressed by this Madeleine person they don't care who she really is beneath that mask.
The confused girl gets better at wearing the Madeleine mask, she, herself is afraid that one day she might really be Madeleine. 
Or is Madeleine is this hidden side of her that she never knew. 

confused girl has no idea who she is. what she wants and what is she doing with her life.
Where is that girl that wants to travel the world with her camera and guitar?
long gone the dreams. long gone the adventures. 

What is life when everyone is trying to be special but they are actually, eventually, walking towards the same destination, ends up all the same, at the same place?
There's not really "a special one", it's you. that person deep down in you that makes you. You. only you know what's going on in that heart and head of yours. 
only you know what's the best for you.
only you can decide to put on the mask or giving up your soul to be what you "should be"


I am not just trying to please others by being what they expect me to be. 
So i write. she writes. 

so,
Her only escape is music.
music calms her down.
music pulls her back to grown
music makes her feel her soul again
music makes her feel like life wearing the Madeleine mask is temporary.

she can be herself when she is with music.
she can dance and shout 
she can curse and use foul languages
she can laugh and jump
she can breath. 

-the confused girl just want a fruitful life, she was born a dreamer.- 

2015

6 more minutes to 2 January 2015. I am alone in my room. I figure why not write. and so i did. 

Gosh. Time really does travel in the speed of light.

2014 was indeed a wonderful, magical, amazing, crazy year.
It was so incredible. 

Highlights from 2014.
Met him, 
I shaved half of my head.
Went UK and came back from the trip of my life.
Got my Hons Degree
he came into my life officially
Got a job in the big city
relationship dramas
lost and found my car
more relationship dramas
got a new car
moved house

He was telling me that we have been together for only a year but it felt like a long time, which is true.
It felt like we have know each other for our entire life. It's so strange and explainable. 

Last night was nice.
really nice, being with him is all about appreciating little minor things in life.
I the simplicity when we are together. 
and yes I got my New Year's kiss.
come to think of it we celebrated new year together 2 years in a row. 


In 2014 I do not have any resolution. HUGE mistake. 
Huge mistake to stay in my comfort zone.
not to make the same mistake again, I have clear goals for my 2015. 

2015 is going to be a better year.
a year full of changes
full of challenges
overcoming fears
gaining confident
defeating the monster in you
and a year to do better
a second chance for everyone to do right.
and a year of prosperity and good luck. 


I will cherish this year and try my very hard to achieve my goals.
Not that i am doing new year's crap talk,
I honestly want to complete my goals.

Kinda awkward to share my goals on my blog.
But you will see throughout the year i will reveal bits and pieces of them.

I can't believe that i am 24. 
this is madness.
24!
I was like 18 when i started this blog.
damn. 
I ain't gonna complain and whine like a bitch anymore this year about my life, hopefully.

This will be, maybe the year that i leap into another stage of my life, again, hopefully.
I just got to work fucking hard and hustle and bustle till i reach my goals.

Thank you all for reading my posts all these years. reading my crappy posts about my slightly fucked up life. 
THANK YOU. 
really really mean a lot to me.
Till then, Have a blessed 2015.

-monster under construction- 
-glad that one of your goals is to love me more-