This is a weekend blog

What to write on a weekend blog?

and here i go after a month of not updating anything.

Can i just be naked all day and lie on my bed.

Listening to sexy songs all day long.

eating cachos 

eating nachos

eating all day long.

The fountain of inspirations and words for blog had dried up

no matter how much i tried to squeeze.

nothing.

not a drop of idea.

maybe i am living a life that is so empty that i have absolutely nothing at all to write about.

or am i living in a life that is so fully with schedules and routine that every day is just the same to me.

or life itself is nothing when i had to cut my hair and change my name. 

It's time for an adventure.

It was already a year after UK.

I need a life. 

What is life when you spend most of your time stuck in the jam.

working. doing paper works

eating lunch

stuck in the jam again

cursing yourself for stupid decisions

going to the gym to sweat the fuck out just to be accepted.

going home thinking what to have for dinner.

sleep. sleep is the only escape. 

i hate getting nightmares that i cant explain.

I hate getting nightmares that are just memories of the past.

I hate getting the feeling again of the night you pushed me away.

well, damn, it a weekend blog.

feel like taking a shit.

It isn't fair to compare someone's life to someone else's life. 

I am grateful for what i have. just complaining about the life i am having

and how i wish i could just run.

and escape.

 

-hold my hands, lets go for an adventure baby-

31.08.2014

With every death comes with a new born.
Every end of a life comes with a new life.

31 August is significant to me in so many ways.
It's my birthday
It's the day my great grandmother passed away
It's Malaysia's national day.

Everyone say that I am lucky and "special" to be born on that day.
fact is, i never felt special. it's not like i have extra pair of hands or anything
It's just like any other birthdays.

My birthday this year was fun. way fun.
I am tired of huge parties, crowds, alcohol and loud music.
I appreciate spending with my family the one i love.
Went Seremban on my birthday, and i got the best gift i could ever ask for, a small little birthday card made by my cute little cousins.
The last time i received an actual birthday card was years ago.
and they draw, colored it with cute stickers. what more can i ask for?

The best part was all of them sang birthday songs. oh the voice of little children singing is like angles from heaven.

I was in UK last year when she passed. I was in UK last year when i celebrated my 22nd birthday.
time flies.
I really don't know what to feel.
I am confused, and mad and sad and happy. emotions, overwhelmed.

I miss her. i definitely do.
I hate that she did not say good bye.
and why must it be on my birthday?
This is a curse, a day that i would never ever forget.

Being 23 means I am one year older.
Not much changes tho.
I am the same old yoke, except more responsibilities.


So, the day went by, like any other day, like any other day would past.
the day still went by despite it's Malaysia's National day.
despite it's my birthday.
therefore. I conclude there's nothing special about being born on this day.
therefore, birthday means celebrating with love ones, not get drunk and crazy
therefore, i miss you more, and more each day.

I remembered celebrating your birthday.
I remembered that smile of yours.
I remembered every single fucking thing.
I hope you do too.

-i still love you like I did last year today-  
-Happy Birthday Yoke-