I have made changes to my life.
baby steps.
I got a new job. :)
I quit my old one. and surprisingly I feel, relieved.
Like tons of weight lifted off my slouching shoulder.
The best thing is i can finally use my real name. like the name i love to be called. or should i say the name my parents gave me.
using a corporate name makes my real name seems so unworthy. Like I shouldn't be proud of my own name.
I love what my trainer said "Be proud of your name. There is nothing wrong with your name"
almost made me cry. It is as though she answered my questions all these while. What is so wrong with my name?
My name means me. As a person. My identity.
without it i felt like part of me have been taken away. Using a different name is just hard.
putting on a mask every single day is hard. I honestly don't know how some people can do it for the rest of their life, not me.
I felt sick of myself. internal conflicts.
The dark age has passed.
Welcome to the new age.
I can finally be a part of something huge.
So many natural disasters and conflicts happening around the world.
I really think that perspective is very important.
How you look at life.
I mean natural disaster you can't control it. But how you react to it despite loosing everything tells people who you are as a person.
Being self centered do no help.
nothing good will come if someone is so self centered and too bold to even open up their minds for different ideas, innovations, culture, life.
For them is just because they are the majority so they have all the rights to do everything and anything just because they are the majority.
My trainer told me, we can really see a person's real self during difficult times. the way you handle things really show your true character.
Obviously, some of us in this big old world are just stupid and forever living in a cocoon.
so they can be the biggest hypocrite.
What the fuck do you mean by" oh no, I wont even lay a finger on my girl friend because i respect her, but with you because you are open minded so I can put my hands all over you, tell you how i wanna put my body against yours. Just because you are wearing short pants."
I feel sad for the mother or mothers, father or fathers. You have not done your job in teaching your son to respect women.
This is not respect. This is foolish.
Oh how i wish i have kept the conversations. It would be so much fun. :)
busting hypocrite.
I don't think I am living in my own dream world. I honestly do not think so. If i were to live in my own dream world. I wouldn't have cared about so many other things that matters.
Sometimes what it takes is just to look at the bigger picture rather than getting influenced by social medias, stupid annoying fucking forwarded messages that makes you freak out.
so here i end my endless ranting. I am not an expert on life, but what i can tell you is the way i look at life itself.
-monster under construction-
