It felt right.

The time when everything just falls into place. 
When you know, you are on path. 

that does not happen to me often. 
I am always out of place. always awkward and sweaty.
but with you, nothing seems to matter anymore. 

Fate. Our paths tangled. You hurting me driving me away.
Me stop fighting for what i wanted most, and yet. two diverged road combined.
and there we met again.  

I packed and did not unpack for a long time. What was i waiting for? was it another trip? was it someone coming, pull me out from reality?

Things weren't that simple after all. 
Waiting wasn't the solution anymore. I had to. I had to move. 

I reached Malaysia. It felt right. 
When the cabin door opened i knew. My old friend, the sea breeze is always there to welcome me.
each stroke on my face, whispers "welcome home Yoke." 

Home. 4 letters, such simple word, yet meant so much to me. 
Staying home was the best. I was well taken care of. What I did for the few weeks at home was waking up, working out, tiny bit of house work, meeting friends, watching food network controlling my lust for food. Which did not work out well. 

One day. one phone call. one simple suggestion. just one. and i am off again
Away from home. 
I got a job. A job that I never asked for, never dream of, never imagine doing. and here comes my most dreadful enemy - reality. 
It was awful, horrible, agonizing for the first 10 painstaking days. 
no words to describe how i felt. 
I had to. I had to look for my miracle grass. 
Yes. Miracle grass.
Miracle grass that fuck me up. 
broke me down. 

Changed my name and cut my hair. never thought that I did this just to fit it. Just to satisfy reality. 
Reality is like this dark tunnel. Just hold your breath and make a wish. 

We officially broke off. This is it. This is the end. 
No more making up and breaking up. 
I've had enough of the fucking routine that i had to go through with him.
Just stop.
 Let her go - passenger was the best song for him. He just wouldn't listen. 

And there you came. once again in my life. You annoying ass hole. 
annoying ass hole that i couldn't let go.
annoying ass hole that i want so badly to be with me when i feel like shit.

I would stand at my balcony, waiting for you and your black horse. 
that smile that you gave me each time you see me. 
That genuine smile is all i asked from him. The one that let me go. 
The one that i once thought I love. 

You don't need to fight nor compare, your smile is enough to make my heart stop. 
that smile that makes me call you summer. 
We kissed. and that feeling was. Right. 
being with you is like I've never been in love before.
You are so tall that i had to tip toe kiss you.

So basically, i did not upload any pictures from my Europe trip. 
friends that turned against each other. Was it me? or was it the fact that I am just like this. 
typical Yoke. Yes. typical, cutting off any old classmates. I do not have any explanation for doing what i do. but i just do. 

I drive now. Yes. I drive now, that's a good start. :)
something for me to keep holding on. 
Having a job is like eating up my dreams and childhood pieces by pieces. 
I just hate being an adult, having responsibilities and shit. 

so. good bye days. just 3 little birds on my wrist to remind me of  freedom. 

talking to you for hours felt right.
so are you the right one?
All it takes is three simple words to explain a complicated relationship. I love you. I am still waiting for my i love you. Love. 
-i just want to lalala with you- 

Time to pack

it's a raining September morning. I should be doing and rushing for my Risk management assignment which is killing me from the inside out.
But you guys know me.
I'm terrified. but what's the point?
living but not feeling?

Me rain and my blog.
I couldn't help myself.
August was shitty in it's own way.

My great grandma passed away on my birthday.
:(

Yeah. she was 88 years old.
It was so sudden.
and I couldn't get over the fact that she's gone.
She have been with us since forever.
It's not that i'm very close with her.
But she sure loved me.
I always knew that i was the special one for her.
somehow i'm glad she passed away.
She doesn't need to suffer anymore.
88 long years. the damage that the world had done to her is enough.
all her suffering ends when she exhale her last breath.
I couldn't attend her funeral. Dad says it's fine.
Her passing away brought relieved to my parents especially.
I'm done crying and asking "why on my birthday?"
It's time to move on.

I learnt that
not to let any opportunity slip from my hand anymore.
I should be more friendly to people. there's no need to put on a facade.
I should not care too much about people that don't deserve it. Caring is suffering, suffering ends up crying like a bitch.

it's raining heavier.
i'm getting heavier.
Your name does rimes with mine, but because of that you chose to let me go. i guess you're not worth it.

I'm leaving Sheffield less than a week time.
Can I not?

Congratulations to my friends :)
I long to have relationship like both of you. May God bless you and little baby Hannah.
So happy for both of you.
All the sacrifices and heart breaks and tears are all worth it.

I guess i'm better off with him.
I deserve someone that don't care for what's my outer shell.
for that someone I once loved.
nothing's more important than acceptance.
You are better off doing what you always do.

Time to pack
Time to pack up my luggage
Time to pack up my emotions
Time to pack

You say that you are over me,
my heart-
it skips,
it sinks.

I see you now with someone new,
I stare,
I stare,
I blink.

Someday I'll be over you,
I know,
I know -
I think.

-Langleav-


-Thank you for loving me and accepting my flaws and loving them as much as my smile. -
-I'm learning to love you and accepting your flaws like you did mine- 

Who's gonna stay?

people come and people go is part of our live.
meeting new people and old friends leaving.

I never thought that Sheffield and the people at church would make me so comfortable.
I felt belong there. 
Loved.
Yesterday was farewell for all of us summer semester students.
I was actually sad and for the first time in many months actually feel for other people.
I was a selfish bitch for a very long time. 
It must be God's plan for me to go there, to know him more.

I was so touched yesterday by some of the testimonials they shared i swear, my eyes were blurry and my head started to pound, too many emotions, I felt exhausted.

Everyone's leaving who's gonna stay? 
what are we leaving behind?
It never did struck me until yesterday that i will never, never, maybe in a very long time meet those people again.
It did felt like home, like they will always be there. 

Went to London last week.
was there for 4 days.
How can i ever explain the first time when I was right in front of London Eye.
I merely gaps. 
Laughing hysterically. 
yall know i'm a crazy bitch.

London bridge, Big Ben, Tower of London, St. Paul cathedral, Buckingham palace, British museum.
places only exist in television, in movies, books and postcards and posters. 
I never thought i would step near enough to touch them.
traveling by tubes, getting an oyster card, going underground.

pictures of the trip will be up on my facebook soon. 

I love London, big city, busy people, cars and lorries buses, cabs and bicycles everywhere. 
and when it rains, that misty morning, vividly looking at Big Ben at Trafalgar square.
those little moments that make me feel alive again, that my life isn't so bad to complain about, just a split second to get things out of my mind. 
to get far away from you haunting me. 
sadly when the clock strike 3.
I knew, nothing can be forever. 
few weeks ago I was thrilled when you said you'll wait.
You got me excited about going back, and nothing here matters.
But, how did you change so fast?


I didn't even notice things were wrong. or were they wrong from the very beginning? 
why is it the last isn't always the last?
how can you be so cruel?
what horrible thing happen to you that makes you, you?

can i not leave this place? 
-how does it feel not seeing you forever?-

Sun is dead

Dear music. 
You told me you liked me, but why did you go away? 
never imagined the ending would be like this.

Your name and music will forever be buried deep down in my heart.
You hit me like a Tsunami, one gigantic wave, dragged everything away, gone.
You hit me with numerous after waves, created more damage, as if the first damage wasn't enough
Your words hit me, but i feel physical pain. my heart acually hurts. 

What's done is done
What's yours will never be mine.
Recovery? 
The damage will never be forgotten. 

You sucked the soul out of their eyes
It's my fault to fall into your lies
when you say you never asked for it to happen
you should have known.

Their lifeless eyes tell stories
images of you haunts me.
I once thought my happiness matters to you.
guess, I was too naive.

My friends accused me of losing my mind.
I told them "I am living life, I feel alive."
it's me and my blind optimism to blame. You said. 
We should have know. You fucked me up.
deep down. 
This is all fucked up
It's me and my decision making skills.

You and your complicated life.
Things that you said still lingers in my head no matter how much i try to force them away.
I'll just stay here bleed and say, we are better off this way. 

I feel too much for you and dived too deep. staring at my phone. i know that you won't call anymore. that's cool, cuz now i see and i will be the best of me. 
I never thought that I can be this cool.
one day, it's all i need to get over it. 
one day. 

-this blog is for the broken hearts-
 -the sun is dead-

Old Trafford

This was one of my old drafts when i was in UK last year. 

I wonder why didn't i published it. Weird. 

Hello :)

I visited the Manchester United Stadium today.

Honestly I am not a football freak but the stadium was indeed magnificent.

Imagine the numbers of people during game time.

thousands and thousands of football fanatics cheering  

I am fortunate enough to cheer next week, immerse in the atmosphere.

The glory of the stadium itself is enough to have goosebumps.

Smell of the grass is so fresh on the perfectly cut field.

sitting in one of the seats, imagine David Beckham running.

Or Wayne Rooney trying to score a goal.

yeah that's about it, the players I actually know. LOL

walking around the stadium was tired enough, with my period and stuff.

Then we went to Manchester town.

I can only describe everything with a "Sigh" there.

Yeah. a sigh.

On the way home. I was thinking of you, again and again. 

Obviously your song was playing in my mp3.

This is your game, i wonder why am i so cool about letting you control the game?

What is this?

I miss your old whatsapp status. When you wrote my name.

Oh wonderful times. 

Erh I should've jot down words that came into my mind in the bus! 

damn!

 

Happy songs

Sun set in Norfolk park. Photo by: yiiyoke 

I am sad already, the thought of leaving Sheffield. 

just the thought itself is too agonizing.

but I am starting to miss, miss lots of stuff in Malaysia. 

I miss you the most.

I miss the food

I miss the ocean :(

this is so stupid and fucked up, sun burn in UK? 

why UK? what's wrong? I never apply any sun screen in Malaysia am i'm not doing any different in UK

How did I get so tanned!

Summer! 

Damn! Lynn said I look like some Hawaiian girl. That's a good thing. I guess. 

I am having too much fun here, 6 more weeks to get my degree and good bye study life. 

Was gossiping about diploma shit last night!

Gosh I never knew i miss them so much.

All the crazy things we did. what the fuck! where did my courage went?

I used to be bold and brave.

not now not anymore.

When did I get so terrified of the dark?

when did I care so much?

 Looking at my face I realised, I am really getting old. :( bitched be like "22 ain't old"

shut up. my skin complexion and all, facial needed! 

Spending and walking around seeing new things, huge mansion pretty gardens.

taking pictures perfecting my skills

living life and learning, growing

life lessons, socialising, putting on masks

constant improvement.

eating gaining more weight, i hope you still love me :'( 

I am fucking fat, strangely happier. paradox of life. 

Me time

I love my once a week me time with music. It's like therapy. 
Thank you :) 

this song is so....

For some reason I am staring to love being alone.
Like. I just love walking alone, shopping alone, sitting alone in my room after each meal.

I guess being alone makes me think more. Pictures became clearer. 
Watching people became my favorite thing to do today besides staring at my phone.

I had a extremely hectic, exhausting week this week. sleeping at 6am (this is what you did to me, you music!)
waking up early just to go hiking (peak district pictures will be up on my facebook soon), shopping and stuff. Have to wake up tomorrow for class.
God i need my sleep!

Only music can help me with my Achluophobia, it means afraid of darkness. 
I am a fucking pussy! :( yes i know. 

Went to Bicester village today. Damn! I realised branded high end fashion is so not me!
1. I can't afford shit
2. I don't think that i can pull any of those bags, cloths off
3. I just don't like them, there's no zing.

But I bought a few stuff for my parents and sister. Pampered much.
LOL
sometimes people are just too weird.
I can't understand what's fucking wrong.
Prada, Gucci, AX, Ralph Lauren. 

Shopping alone today was fun! I mean it. :)
I guess I'm just not that type of girl that worship high end fashion.
I just love wearing my cotton on, forever 21 shits. 

I can't imagine myself wearing formal wear everyday to work!
Please i really hate being neat and I love my casual jeans and old t-shirts with flip-flops! holding my old camera walking around taking pictures. 
How can i dress like an adult when i can't even fall in love with any of the outfit that i saw today.
Excluding Alexander McQueen which is horribly expansive!

-damn. life. How am i going to survive?-

Whitby

Hello :)
I am pretty free tonight from doing nothing so i might as well update my blog.

I went to Whitby last Saturday.
and it was great. 
I mean it was more than just great. It was a whole new experience. 

I couldn't believe myself.
Seriously? Whitby?! 

It's a small town near the sea. 
Nothing. Nothing like Kuala Terengganu.
The landscape itself is so magnificent.

I have always dream to go to places like Whitby where everyone is so nice and friendly.
I love love love that people end their sentence with "Love"

"can i help you with that love?"
"morning, Love"
Gosh! why can't Malaysian talk like that?!

I used to think that Cameron Higland is pretty with tea plantation and stuff but Whitby, girl, you took my breath away, and my heart too. 
ate fish and chips TWICE! fat mother fuckers.

Had the best time of my life just taking pictures. Tons and tons of pictures. 
capturing every moment. Everything is so worthwhile. 

Ancient castles, churches, boats, seagull, dogs, people, food, ice cream
the sun the wind ocean waves.

rocks cliffs. I am glad that I went there.
The story Dracula was from there.
Writers inspired to write just by laying down on the green green grass.
smell of the earth.
strong winds and sunny days.


visiting places opens up a lot. This world is too huge for me to just bundle up in my blanket and sob.
I'll walk and see places to feel better next time. :) 

I don't give a shit bitch.
I am just allergic to you! 
Damn! fleas! go away!


-I must go back to Whitby again- 
 

Sheffield

Well hello there :)
Good news! I guess i survived 14 hours of tormenting flight. 
14 hours from Malaysia to UK is not fun at all!
but i guess i'm good. i survived.

Packed tons of stuff. 
I don't think I'll make any tutorials on packing your stuff
but, just listen to your heart, follow your guts and of course do some research.
think logically and practically with a sound, sober mind.
and you are good to go.
that's what i did at least. 

As usual. I am more than happy to go far away
I did not cry or feel sad to see my family leave.
I was relieved! LOL 
It took me one week to mentally accept that i made it to Sheffield Hallam University
After all these years.
I finally made it! 

HEY PEOPLE OUT THERE!
You have been reading my depressing blog for years can you believe it?
Do you feel happy for me? 
DO YOU? 

nice place here Sheffield. I'm here for a week and i think i need some weed to calm my nerves. 
I get panic attacks in my room when ever i'm alone. I don't show it, obviously. you wont catch me crying over some shits or screaming like a crazy fuck on the streets.
this is fucking silly, i actually can't off the lights when i'm sleeping.
Yeap i'm afraid of the dark. and this is getting serious.
Paranoid about every fucking thing.

Here I am, in my room. Lonely as ever
LOL!
nah it' not that i don't have friends.
I'm just searching for more.

I don't know what, but it's like a black hole in my heart 
no matter how much love, joy, emotions felt, i just want more. 
This black hole is slowly sucking the soul out of me.

Sheffield is cold. it's cold when the wind blows as if you can feel it in your bones.
it's colder when i can't hold anyone's hand. 
holding hands and cuddling makes it all better. 
there's a cute little fat cat here. i guess i'll just cuddle him then :)

so much that i want to share. 
i just don't know how.
these emotions wanting to explode from my chest!
can i just scream out loud?!

Away from Malaysia, and the excruciating heat makes me think better. Yeah.
Makes me think a lot.
about what i want in life.
silly little crushes, stupid boys.
pretty things.
guitar drums and music.
classic rock, romantic and fun.
kittens and puppies.
side shave short hair bold.

I'm sorry to leave you behind love.
sorry that you cried and i didn't
I'm sorry for so many things
I can't undo the fact that i'm hurting you everyday
wasting your time, waiting for my text.

I was too excited to get away from everything.
yes. This is my ticket to freedom.

I love you, yes I do.
You are my best friend. and i do not want to lose you.
but.
there's always a but.   
sigh. 
music guitars songs and reality.

music is always fun and happy and makes me smile, same goes to guitar and songs,
but they are always so unpredictable and mysterious. makes your heart race, adrenaline pumping blood flowing.  

on the other hand. reality. is always reality. always so transparent. Transparent and secure. 

which one should i pick? 

Good Bye Malaysia

Hello.
This may be the most historical day of my life.
All these years of waiting and talking about it.
and finally. 

Today.
Yes today.
:)

I'll be leaving this shitty country for, a while.
Just a short while.
enough to create memories :)

years of talking about going to Sheffield Hallam University and here i am today. In my sister's room writing this blog. My last blog from Malaysia. 
I made my parents proud. 
REAL PROUD.

They were telling neighbors, friends, relative and people about me.
My mum even organised a farewell party for me. LOL
it was real grand. 
private room just for the closest family members. I felt like a princess.
They toasted for me. It was my night. :)
For years, i've yearned to be the centre of attraction. and there i was. Eating. 

It' sad leaving what i know behind. but i can't sacrifice what i don't know for what i know. 
It's time. time for me to see the world. 
:)

-Good bye- 

Define simple happiness

This is us :) 

Hey. It's me. 
I'm still alive fortunately. 

it has been a month or so since my last post
:(
I was busy, lazy, being fat.
got a job at a local Japanese restaurant, realised that I can multitask and work well with people. 
My first ever job.
cleaning, washing, wiping, sweeping, mopping, serving rich ass brats.
I love working there. My boss is great, he treats us with respect, love to joke. 
He's like a big brother to me nothing stereotype about him.
the way he acts, talks, makes decision.
I've been working for about a month now.
meet new friends, experience stuff and gain weight.

I also met a cute boy there.
He's my partner.
The great thing about us is we have this weird, instant, connection.
as though as he knows me. he knows when to back me up.

the funny thing is we got to know each other for less then a week or so and we are already working really well together.
He's a sweet guy.
:) yes i like him. not like, like falling in love like.
i just like him. 

people come and people go. 

Kuala Terengganu is a small town, and since it's the only place selling Japanese food so working there is like meeting the whole town. 
especially old primary school mates.
I really wonder what would they think of me. not that i care, just curious. 
are they like "OMG. what is she doing here?" "college dropout?" "still fat" "no future?" 
I was kinda sad cuz... none. none of them said Hi to me. not even a friendly smile. 
Welcome to reality, I told myself. 

But who gives a fuck.

em. a small part of me does.
seeing some of them married, having kids.
they seem happy.
i'm glad to see them happy. the contradiction between me and them.
I am still fat. 22 and still studying, lifeless, controlled by parents, can't drive, still me.
People changed,
 i  feel like i am still standing there. Not moving at all. 
Still wearing my t-shirt from 10 years ago.
Still struggling to lose weight, still have low self esteem.
still not wearing any makeup.
Gosh.

My friend posted pictures and her and her baby boy on wechat.
He's so so so adorable. looks so much like her.
She was my best friend during primary school. 
and now she's happily married.   :) 

you see. I am not desperate to be fucked or get married or want a boy friend or anything.
My dad, he doesn't understand. i want simple happiness. I want to be with the person i love and live a happy life. 
Unfortunately for them. I am always desperate. Desperate cuz my friends have family and kids and are happy.
He is a undeniably smart man. sad to say he's too proud to listen to his own daughter. 

couple weeks more i'll be leaving this corrupted cursed land.
to a kingdom where everyone is united. (LOL) cheesy fuck!
i knew. i wont wanna come back here. 

MyHe knows everything, unfortunately not everything is the same. 
not every situation is the same.

what is sacrifice if you want people that you sacrifice for to give back?

-I want nothing more but simple happiness. 
where can i find them?
not here.-

Goodbye City

It's raining again, this may be the last time that i'm writing from Kuala Lumpur in a long time. 
In this rented house.

Memories.
packed my stuff.
You can't imagine the amount of things you accumulate throughout the years. 
almost uncountable.

So I guess this is Good  Bye. 
4 years of college life. :)
4 years of wasted time
4 years of life
4 years of struggling, sufferings and fighting. 
4 years of learning. 

It's funny i can't really feel sad. 
or happy. 
I definitely feel relieved.  

Though, I will miss my friends. My dear dear friends. 
I've never imagine we would separate. 
My friends, they are part of my life.
a huge part of the tremendous 4 years of far away from home. 

The beers we drank 
the song we sang
the tears we cried
the streets we walked
the talked we talked.

ends.

I mean we will still see each other again, but it certainly will be a lot different. 
Sad to say, i've never done anything meaningful, wonderful, adventurous, mind blowing.
My college life is not as colorful that i've imagined years back.

It's not that simple. There's a thing call reality. 
and man, he is cruel. and there's another thing called laziness and Yoke. 
so, yeah. 

I was once naive and stupid. 
Yet. I'm still a dreamer. 

"I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed." - Fantine 

760 days of us

His first time at Ben's, pavlova birthday cake 

It's raining again. 
It was raining when he arrived. it's raining when he was gone. 

yesterday was the best 23rd that we have ever had. 
bought cool Everlast kicks for his 22nd birthday.
Had a fantastic Arabian night
enjoyed our first earth hour at KLCC. 
when the lights goes off. 
we kissed. 
he cured my cracked lips. 

i love making him birthday cards. It's like a thing i'll do every year. 


I finished my last semester in Tar college. 
Damn, i can't believe i am actually going to UK.
i mean 4 years of painstaking journey
pufff gone. 
4 more days i will be getting my offer letter to Sheffield Hallam University. 
It this crazy or what?!
I guess i will miss most of my friends.
college life sucks, however, there's still some fun bit. 
silly things that we did, cheated during quizzes, helping each other, gossiping, having lunch together everyday,  the favorite Asian entertainment - KARAOK  
talked about guys, watched porn together, get drunk. 
deep down, i kinda wish he were in every part of it.
  
we talked about our future, what will it be like after UK. 
we will never be bored with each other, i love being with him even when we have nothing to talk about.
we just love having each other around. 

Is he the one? I don't know. 
can he not be the one that got away.
Imagine life without him. 
I am so used to his body temperature, his breath, the way we joke.

Assignments, eat, drink, joke, play, watch movies, smoke, eat, eat, eat, gossip, eat
is all I did for this semester. 
Nothing much to update.
Get excited, be ready for my vlogs and posts from UK :)


i love old old songs.
their lyrics and melody are so different, there's nothing like that not in the world today.
what would be our song?



-love, infinity- 

三年了

三年了。
我们的爱经过种种的考验。
但很幸福 :)

我们一直很努力的经营这段感情
谢谢你一直都陪伴我。你拥有我，我拥有你
你的出现也许是我上辈子修来的福吧。

谢谢你偶尔的小惊喜
谢谢你忍受我的坏脾气
谢谢你原谅我
谢谢你了解我
谢谢你的付出
谢谢你 :)

我承认有时候我很任性，也很喜欢转牛角尖，说话很不客气，总是让你担心让你烦。
对不起
对不起，让你掉泪了。

終点在哪里我不知道，感情路一直都是那么坎坷，但无论如何我们会很坚强的走下去对吗？

好想你哦 :(

-我们都哭了-

greetings from the ocean

Hello :)
Ladies and gentlemen.

Happy Chinese New Year. 
It took me way too long to complete this post. 
I wasn't sure what to write. 

but today, i promise myself i would write.
There are all kinds of milestones in life,  
the kind you expect to live through and there's the kind you would never dream that you would lived through again.

I had an AMAZING head start for this year. i am positive that this year will be spectacular. 
I went back to Yong Peng, Johor (my mum's home town) to celebrate the new year like we always did. This particular trip was a lot different, brings back lots and lots of memories to the time when Chinese New Year was all about controlling my pirate mouth LOL. 

Everyone is all grown up. I couldn't believe that my dear little cousins are actually dating and having crushes. 
It has always been a tradition when all the cousins would gather and sit in a circle, i am always their leader (the oldest of course) there were times when i told them ghost stories, chat a bout boys and girls and just have fun. the little ones would always do silly stuff and make us laugh our asses out. 

but this time, we talked about our passed new years, the things that we did together, the conversations were different, but ghost stories are not excluded. :) 

The trip back to Kuala Terengganu this time was the last time i spend my semester break with my family, soon i will be finishing my studies. Gosh, time do flies. Remember the first time i step into my first lecture the way i cried just because i missed my family. The blog post that i wrote 2, 3 years back. I survived. 
I was taught not to give up. and so i did continue my battle. 
My dad and i did have some intense conversations but i loved it when he tell stories about his childhood, he's not the kind of dad that would share things with us, but at least he did that day. :) i am glad that he did. 

I gained like a gazillion pound due to excessive eating :-S GUILTY! 
it's time to shed those weight, i've promised and failed a million times.
i don't wanna be a failure, i better achieve my goals this time, i mean damn it Yoke! come on! :(

the food the people music and things that happened around me makes my holiday great. 
I wouldn't call it the best holiday but i did enjoy it, meeting new friends, cleaning my house, feeling the ocean wind everyday, exercising with my dad, fighting my sister, playing with spiky spending time with my bffs, eating and enjoying home cooked food, baking and cooking.... 
and missing you. 

being with you is so much fun, i can be myself, we would sacrifice for each other, yes, we fight but we would  hug each other passionately after every stupid argument.
 time spins whenever we are together, no matter how long we spend time together it is always not enough. 

I am not smart but what are you going to call this if the love we have is not true? 
i do not need everyone to agree with us, i just want to be with him.

oh i don't expect smooth sailing life, but as long as we have each other....


-Sorry love, sorry- 

Red, Yellow, blue, and black

Red is my color for passion. The burning desire for something. 

My desire my passion for him, for photography for everything. 

My my world would be so yellow when I'm happy. When the sun rises and the bird chirps. and you know it. You know it for sure today's gonna be a good good day. 

Blue when ever i'm near the ocean. I love the place where i was born, so peaceful so quiet so beautiful. the ocean breeze the salty sensation on your skin. 

Black. When my world starts to crumble. when I fall to deep deep depression. When i cry everything thinking how can i fix us? fix myself? how to get out of this shit hole. 

2012 was a great year. 2013 is going to be better. I know it. I met SAM BUNKFACE like WHAT THE FUCK! and actually found his guitar pick that he threw :) 

Let us just forget everything bad that happened in 2012 and embrace 2013. 

And yes i do have my new years resolutions. :) 

Sorry for not writing. I was lazy and busy. Studying for my finals. Damn. Time sure is human's worst enemy. 

Oh how he runs. in a blink i finished my Advance diploma final exam. 5 more months to step on Sheffield's soil. I pray oh i pray to the Lord God Almighty that all of us get through this. 

We went karaoke after fucking Risk Management paper. In a thousand years i never thought that we would be that happy together. Sorry for not liking you guys from the beginning. That full 4 hours was the best i had in my advance diploma years. Glad that we did this together. 

who cares if i lost my voice after that. who cares? 

bought my new year's shirt. I am actually going back tonight :) 

kinda happy and worried :-S LOL

Yes it's time for my vacations mentally. 

and yeah i really can't write when it's not raining 

-Happy New Year. I love you- 

Thank you for reading all these years.