Who's gonna stay?

people come and people go is part of our live.
meeting new people and old friends leaving.

I never thought that Sheffield and the people at church would make me so comfortable.
I felt belong there. 
Loved.
Yesterday was farewell for all of us summer semester students.
I was actually sad and for the first time in many months actually feel for other people.
I was a selfish bitch for a very long time. 
It must be God's plan for me to go there, to know him more.

I was so touched yesterday by some of the testimonials they shared i swear, my eyes were blurry and my head started to pound, too many emotions, I felt exhausted.

Everyone's leaving who's gonna stay? 
what are we leaving behind?
It never did struck me until yesterday that i will never, never, maybe in a very long time meet those people again.
It did felt like home, like they will always be there. 

Went to London last week.
was there for 4 days.
How can i ever explain the first time when I was right in front of London Eye.
I merely gaps. 
Laughing hysterically. 
yall know i'm a crazy bitch.

London bridge, Big Ben, Tower of London, St. Paul cathedral, Buckingham palace, British museum.
places only exist in television, in movies, books and postcards and posters. 
I never thought i would step near enough to touch them.
traveling by tubes, getting an oyster card, going underground.

pictures of the trip will be up on my facebook soon. 

I love London, big city, busy people, cars and lorries buses, cabs and bicycles everywhere. 
and when it rains, that misty morning, vividly looking at Big Ben at Trafalgar square.
those little moments that make me feel alive again, that my life isn't so bad to complain about, just a split second to get things out of my mind. 
to get far away from you haunting me. 
sadly when the clock strike 3.
I knew, nothing can be forever. 
few weeks ago I was thrilled when you said you'll wait.
You got me excited about going back, and nothing here matters.
But, how did you change so fast?


I didn't even notice things were wrong. or were they wrong from the very beginning? 
why is it the last isn't always the last?
how can you be so cruel?
what horrible thing happen to you that makes you, you?

can i not leave this place? 
-how does it feel not seeing you forever?-