Flying back or flying to?

Tomorrow.

is

near. as the clock behind me keeps ticking.

and the clock on the desktop.

i am excited to go back and at the same time, reluctant.

wish that i could spend more time with my friends.

i seriously do feel that i am left out.

i missed all the good stuff.

and that's my fault.

i chose to be like this. i guess.

there's good and bad. :)

didn't thought that i would regret my decision.

but. it's a little different now.

i guess he can't replace them.

BUT

i still love spending time with him.

and with consequences.

what am i?

a risk taker?

or am i young and brave?

Nope. i am just playing with fires. that's what my dad would say.

Things at college is getting tougher each step.

i just pray that i passed all my exams for last semester.

and hopefully. I can manage through the 5th semester.

I NEED PRAYERS PEOPLE.

I WANT TO BE NEAR TO THE LORD AGAIN.

but, something is always trying to pull me away from him.

each time i made up my mind.

distractions!

I JUST HOPE THAT YOU ALL ACCIDENTALLY READ THIS AND REMEMBER MY NAME IN YOUR PRAYERS.

-Speech from a sinner-

7 Months

This is the 7th time i am writing this.

but.

it's not as good as before.

i mean.

we were so near yet so far.

it's always the same.

it's special and at the same time it's not.

this is the 1st time that i am near to him.

but. unfortunately.

disaster always struck at the stupidest time of all!

my mum said i always blame others but myself.

and now i don't blame anyone.

seriously,

i wish i could shout.

LOUD!!!

i was like. crying and all today.

it SUCKS~!

i hate it!

i wonder. when can we celebrate our 23rd together.

WHAT I MEAN IS LITERALLY MEETING EACH OTHER FACE TO FACE!

not through web cams! SHIT! sounds like we are damn far!

i mean we are like 10-15km away i guess.

ouh well, maybe.

yeah ,maybe.

anyways. i am much better now. :)

-TODAY SUCKS!-

Lunch

Today.

I had the best lunch in so many years.

i never thought that will actually happen.

although it's simple. but with you. it's the best :)

i am a big eater. but it's weird that i was really full.

and i can't stop laughing.

you said. you like to see the way i eat.

it's funny.

i am like that because, it's the way you always treat me.

you always make me feels like the luckiest girl alive.

Lies. no!

i am not that good in lying.

i hate to lie.

i am sorry.

confused. indeed i am.

what should i do?

can God give me answer?

i seriously love what you done for me.

to You and to you.

to YOU ALL.

it's not that i don't love you all. but, i love you too.

what it means by being happy one second and sad the minute when people finds out?

i am really grateful mum. really.

i love you. and please believe me.

i don't mean to lie.

you are the best mum. i don't want to risk losing you.

but please. just give us time.

what should i do to get you to trust me?

everything seems impossible.

how can i love another and not hurting another?

my priorities. i am clear of it.

and i am not messing with my studies.

i try hard.

just to make you all proud.

but. as always, i am the black sheep of the family.

-Help me. Anyone-

cry on

Yeah.

Cry on that's what you told me.

but, you don't understand what am i crying for.

i mean. the situation that we are in now.

how can you take it so easily?

am i too naive? or your are not as serious as you think you are.

come on~

every one's saying that i am childish.

i don't even know how to think now.

For "undying love"??

i don't know who i am and what i am.

am i childish?

am i not thinking clearly..

-reformat my mind if you can-

今天

今天我又有话要说了。。

今天一早就接到你的来电。。

心情好得不得了。 :)

昨晚，是奇迹吗？

我很却定不是梦，他，找到我了，他。。

听到他的声音，却认不出。。是因为太久了，所以遗忘吗？

我真的很意外。

可是，另一个他却。。。。

别人谈恋爱，

我也谈恋爱。。

但，为什么我却谈得。。

死去活来。。煎熬。。

是我招惹来的麻烦吗？

其实，好马不吃回头草，这句话。。很难做到。。

可能是我自己的问题。。

我。。放不下。

家人的反对，我亲爱的爹娘呀，我真的不知道该怎么告诉您们，

我有多么的爱您们，娘，如果，我不说出口，您会知道吗？

我所想的，您能看透。

您爱我。。我能感受。

改邪归正。。我会很努力。

我真的很想。。。让您们以我为荣。。

毕竟我是长女，对不起。。

一直以来让您们失望。。

我和他。。

一切的一切。。

船到桥头自然直。。

请给我们时间。。

我知道您觉得我所写的都是废话。。

但娘，这些是我的心声。。

您不想听吗？

女儿不孝。

对不起。。

您会原谅我吗？

爹，我希望您听到我的所作所为，您还会容纳我。。

过了今天，我能确定，你是个好人。 :)

很高兴能有你在我身边，陪着我。。

可惜，你永远也改不了什么。。

你没有错。

错的是我们爱上彼此，

错的是，我们有很大的差距。。

我没勇气告诉你。。

当我看到你，对我抱着天大的期望时，我没办法。。

我也很想的，但。。

无能为力。

需要的付出和牺牲太多。。

我，办不到。。

我们的未来。。。。

-弟子规-

There's no happy ending after all

My life. is all about you. after i met you.

i can't think of a day that i don't think about you.

we meet almost once a month.

i seriously miss you.

but. why. why is it so much drama at home??

why on earth that they treat us like that?

why can't i put our picture as my profile picture?

why can't we go public?

it's not fair!!

so not fair!

just because he is a Malay??

i know people are talking about racist and all

but hey! if he's a racist he wont want me.

there are good and bad people out there.

and all of them are bad.

i mean for God's sake.

i am you Sister!

I know you fucking hate me.

well fuck off!

i will be gone.

and you BE DEAD!

people may say that i am stupid and childish to write this.

to be angry because of a guy.

but before you say so. THINK!

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN I DO THAT ABOUT THE ONE YOU REALLY CARE FOR?

don't fucking act like a saint cuz you ain't!

it's not going to last long.

i can feel it. it's near.

-It's all your fault-

Ticket to happiness

My ticket to happiness. starts from 1.05pm 6 September 2010 sharp. :)

i was sitting in the bus. thinking. is it going to happen.

betting with fate?

or is fate with me?

he came.

he came with his "horse"

and swipes me up the feet.

we rode happily back home. :)

stop by MC D to check on my 2 sisters.

they were doing great!

good job guys!

yesterday night was nice :)

until the evil queen came out.

everything was smooth.

when can we meet again?

every time is so near yet.... so far.

you are getting skinnier! :(

reminds me of my diet plan.

or do i have one? LOL!

-Your scars and your smell-

3191

another year. celebrating my birthday without my family.

but. enjoying the love from my friends :)

turning 20 soon. real soon!

excited? maybe.

hope to lose some weight! :D

and going to fight with Financial Accounting 2pm sharp.

and here i am still blogging.

Ouh my dear blogspot. i can't live without you!

well, that's all i guess.

Can't wait to go back!

-I WANT TO HUG YOU-