Hello :)
I am pretty free tonight from doing nothing so i might as well update my blog.
I went to Whitby last Saturday.
and it was great.
I mean it was more than just great. It was a whole new experience.
I couldn't believe myself.
Seriously? Whitby?!
It's a small town near the sea.
Nothing. Nothing like Kuala Terengganu.
The landscape itself is so magnificent.
I have always dream to go to places like Whitby where everyone is so nice and friendly.
I love love love that people end their sentence with "Love"
"can i help you with that love?"
"morning, Love"
Gosh! why can't Malaysian talk like that?!
I used to think that Cameron Higland is pretty with tea plantation and stuff but Whitby, girl, you took my breath away, and my heart too.
ate fish and chips TWICE! fat mother fuckers.
Had the best time of my life just taking pictures. Tons and tons of pictures.
capturing every moment. Everything is so worthwhile.
Ancient castles, churches, boats, seagull, dogs, people, food, ice cream
the sun the wind ocean waves.
rocks cliffs. I am glad that I went there.
The story Dracula was from there.
Writers inspired to write just by laying down on the green green grass.
smell of the earth.
strong winds and sunny days.
visiting places opens up a lot. This world is too huge for me to just bundle up in my blanket and sob.
I'll walk and see places to feel better next time. :)
I don't give a shit bitch.
I am just allergic to you!
Damn! fleas! go away!
-I must go back to Whitby again-
Well hello there :)
Good news! I guess i survived 14 hours of tormenting flight.
14 hours from Malaysia to UK is not fun at all!
but i guess i'm good. i survived.
Packed tons of stuff.
I don't think I'll make any tutorials on packing your stuff
but, just listen to your heart, follow your guts and of course do some research.
think logically and practically with a sound, sober mind.
and you are good to go.
that's what i did at least.
As usual. I am more than happy to go far away
I did not cry or feel sad to see my family leave.
I was relieved! LOL
It took me one week to mentally accept that i made it to Sheffield Hallam University
After all these years.
I finally made it!
HEY PEOPLE OUT THERE!
You have been reading my depressing blog for years can you believe it?
Do you feel happy for me?
DO YOU?
nice place here Sheffield. I'm here for a week and i think i need some weed to calm my nerves.
I get panic attacks in my room when ever i'm alone. I don't show it, obviously. you wont catch me crying over some shits or screaming like a crazy fuck on the streets.
this is fucking silly, i actually can't off the lights when i'm sleeping.
Yeap i'm afraid of the dark. and this is getting serious.
Paranoid about every fucking thing.
Here I am, in my room. Lonely as ever
LOL!
nah it' not that i don't have friends.
I'm just searching for more.
I don't know what, but it's like a black hole in my heart
no matter how much love, joy, emotions felt, i just want more.
This black hole is slowly sucking the soul out of me.
Sheffield is cold. it's cold when the wind blows as if you can feel it in your bones.
it's colder when i can't hold anyone's hand.
holding hands and cuddling makes it all better.
there's a cute little fat cat here. i guess i'll just cuddle him then :)
so much that i want to share.
i just don't know how.
these emotions wanting to explode from my chest!
can i just scream out loud?!
Away from Malaysia, and the excruciating heat makes me think better. Yeah.
Makes me think a lot.
about what i want in life.
silly little crushes, stupid boys.
pretty things.
guitar drums and music.
classic rock, romantic and fun.
kittens and puppies.
side shave short hair bold.
I'm sorry to leave you behind love.
sorry that you cried and i didn't
I'm sorry for so many things
I can't undo the fact that i'm hurting you everyday
wasting your time, waiting for my text.
I was too excited to get away from everything.
yes. This is my ticket to freedom.
I love you, yes I do.
You are my best friend. and i do not want to lose you.
but.
there's always a but.
sigh.
music guitars songs and reality.
music is always fun and happy and makes me smile, same goes to guitar and songs,
but they are always so unpredictable and mysterious. makes your heart race, adrenaline pumping blood flowing.
on the other hand. reality. is always reality. always so transparent. Transparent and secure.
which one should i pick?
Hello.
This may be the most historical day of my life.
All these years of waiting and talking about it.
and finally.
Today.
Yes today.
:)
I'll be leaving this shitty country for, a while.
Just a short while.
enough to create memories :)
years of talking about going to Sheffield Hallam University and here i am today. In my sister's room writing this blog. My last blog from Malaysia.
I made my parents proud.
REAL PROUD.
They were telling neighbors, friends, relative and people about me.
My mum even organised a farewell party for me. LOL
it was real grand.
private room just for the closest family members. I felt like a princess.
They toasted for me. It was my night. :)
For years, i've yearned to be the centre of attraction. and there i was. Eating.
It' sad leaving what i know behind. but i can't sacrifice what i don't know for what i know.
It's time. time for me to see the world.
:)
-Good bye-
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