Advance Diploma

this little girl is really talented. Check her out :) 

This is the first very step for me to complete my dream.
My UK dream. :)


I passed all my papers!
thank GOD Almighty!
the best grades throughout my diploma year. LOL


I can't believe it myself either.
and this made me SCREAM at the top of my lung this morning.
I will not grumble anymore after this as promised :)


I will work my ass up! 
UK wait for me.


i felt relived. as if the clouds are all gone and the sun shines so brightly.
as if i can do anything in the world. 
I felt confident again. 
well, the cancer cell is now officially cut off.
and you all know this thing about cancer, it might come again.
Therefore, i will try my best not to get infected again. Focus on my studies and quit being a quitter. 
Quit grumbling and blaming everyone.


I made my parents proud :)
for the first time i felt their happiness.
My sisters too are amazed by this miraculous out come. 
he said"my girl." and he felt proud saying that. 


It all paid off. 
nights and nights without sleeping
and all the excess weight i put on. 
well, i am gonna take care of the weight problem SOON. i think.


Oh, another good news for you guys.
I finally MOVED OUT from that stupid ass hostel! 
I am a free bird! 
everything seems fine. so far so good.
I LOVE my new apartment.
it's spacious and comfortable.
Although it's like a hunted house before my friends and i cleaned it up but, 3 days of intensive cleaning this is is finally fit for us to call HOME.


the swimming pool is just at the back of my huge balcony. isn't it fantastic? 
and the Gym too. time to shed this excess weight of mine SOON. LOL


I thank GOD for all this.
All the credits goes to THE Creator.
because he listens to prayers.
I've been praying real hard.
and he answers it. :)


-I want to SHINE AGAIN. polish me God-

console

i need  consolidation for my soul.
only by writing, i feel better.
i don't know is it because of my period or because there's really something wrong with our relationship. 




well as you all know I've been fighting for everyone to accept my relationship with him.
i always thought that our relationship's different.
i thought that we will never have the so called "4 phase" of a relationship.
i was too naive i guess. i thought it will be smooth sailing.
Of course there are a few rough waves during the journey, but i never though that the ship needed a break.


eventually. one of the captain command the crew to raise the sail. not dropping the anchor yet though.


we were having this conversation like every other nights. it was fine at first. but it came to a point that he said" well, that's all i guess. i have nothing to talk about anymore. (indicating that we should hang up)" 


and i was like"that's it? seriously? you don't want to talk anymore? or are you busy?"


cut the story short. i was offended when he said he have nothing to do, but he have nothing to say, he thinks that we should hang up first. talk again before going to sleep. 
Am i being hyper sensitive over small things? is it because of my menstrual? I have NO idea. Gosh i sounded like a FUCKING Teenager going through PUBERTY! 
FUCK! 


i am RESTLESS!

i can't stay still!
i don't get it!
am i being too pushy? 
or what ever you call "physco girl friend?"


My goodness gracious i just hope this stop!


please don't let the ship sink like Titanic. :(

-please give me strength- 

freaked out

I totally lost it.

i can't believe i actually freaked out.

i called him thousands of times. i couldn't get to him.

i was going mad.

we were on the phone half an hour ago. and now i can't even get through him.

unfortunately his 2nd girl friend fell into the red pail full of water.

:(

i need to be with him right now!

i am worried sick!

he's far away and alone.

Shit! i am talking as if he's my son.

Oh God.

help us.

all i can do now is Pray. really. really hard.

people are asking about us.

about his race and religion.

about our relationship.

my family is ashamed, people are criticizing.

they are mean to us. not even listening and look with their heart.

they don't know what we have between us.

maybe for you it's rubbish and nonsense.

my sisters hated him.

they thought that i love him more than them.

it's not like that.

i love my family and he is like my family.

so i love them both a lot.

"when can they accept me?" he asked.

please tell me the answer. anyone.

it hurts so much to see him leaving, alone, with his head down.

people out there are like giants, constantly trying to step on us.

they want us to die. to end this relationship

because to them, only their relationships are real.

only same race and religion is acceptable.

they do not see the good in him.

as if he is worthless.

he once said to me

"am i some kind of crook or criminal that my name is prohibited to be mention in front of your family?"

what did he do to deserve this?

is it because he's born to be a Malay?

he's a Malay guy and i am a Chinese girl.

we are in love.

and that creates war.

what did i do wrong?

what do you all want from me?

"they wants us to end our relationship, they don't want us to see each other anymore. but i can't do it. i just can't."

honestly. i can't do it too.

i rather get knock hard on my head and lost all my memories.

i can't contact him.

:(

i am sad. depressed and fat.

he is lost, sad, poor and alone.

help us.

anyone.

God. please be with him.

he needs you now.

middle fingers up for having long distance relationship and a phone socked in water.

-dear phone. please get well soon. we love you. we need you.-