Disaster Day 14

Day 14

2 weeks since you left me.
Felt like it has been months or even years. painstaking days :(

Yesterday was as dull as before.
took full public transport to work.
am I pampering myself too much?
got used to having a car. taking public transport seems like a pain.

I was weird you asked me why did i start jogging.
I thought you wanted me to have my own life?

besides, running makes me think more, i can see things clearer.

Had long phone calls with you yesterday.
planning for our next road trip.
This is fun.
until you mentioned him.

Why do you need to mention him and spoil everything?
Why?
Yes, it's my choice to go meet him that night.
There's no explanation for what I've done, i just needed someone to comfort me and he seem like the right person that time.

and yes it's your choice to chose her first before me, 
and it's your choice too to hurt me before. 
It's also your choice to let her into your life. 
It's your choice to make her fall in love with you. 
It's your choice to "help" her with her shit that has nothing to do with you.
It's your choice to push me away and pull her in. It's your choice. 

Yes, I met him but i did not push you away, i did not chose him. 
Yes I met him but all i can think about was you, you. 

Where were you when i was crying and trying to pull you back to me?
Where were you when i was crying and shivering inside out?
Where were you when i needed you the most?
Where were you when i needed hugs?
Where were you when my car went missing and i needed you with me?

Where were you when i want to get back?
Where were not there when i need you.

There's no reason for me to go back to him.
You know how much i love you.
You know how much i want you back.
You know nothing happen between me and him.
You know I can get back to him by just one phone call, but i am not going to do it because i know you are the one for me.
You know. I can, but I won't ever see him again.


you wanted me to trust you. so where is your trust to me? 
do not put me in the same place as your exes. i am nothing like them. they are nothing like me.
they will never, can never love you as much as me. 

I need my partner back. I really do.
where are you?
come back to me soon.

I love you 杰