Hospitalised

I was hospitalised for 3 fucking days.

11 January 2018
I had this weird pain coming from my stomach.
Never felt pain like that before.
Was I too hungry?
Truth is.
I was starving myself for almost 3 days.
Yes. I was.
I did't really eat. I drank coffee. tea. little bit of biscuits.
and honestly this have been going on for quiet a while now.
I never had to guts to admit it.
But yes. I was starving myself because I wasn't happy and also I don't know why.
Why did I starve myself for?
So, I went back home from work, chug whatever medication that I can find at home.
Ate KFC and drank whatever milk that was in my fridge.
Didn't really help I vomited every single bite of that spicy friend chicken.
I took God knows what medication again and this time, the pain stopped.
Did not sleep well but at least my stomach is not acting up.

12 January 2018
I got super hungry the next morning so i cooked myself a big pot of korean instant noodles.
believe me, it was a big pot.
Went to work. Forced myself to eat a subway sandwich and that's it.
Stomach was fine. so I thought. Cool. no big deal anyway.

13 January 2018
Got up a little late, didn't have time to eat.
Went to work had coffee and biscuits, ate honey stars cereals for dinner.
stomach was acting up a little after dinner, until I couldn't take it.
I was in so much pain that I had to excuse myself from work.
Went to the doctor. Told the doctor in tears that my stomach hurts.
Doctor said it was Gastritis.
Gave me medication.
I ate the medication right away.
chilled in my car before driving home.
Puked in the car while driving.
It was fucking epic. Luckily I found a random plastic bag in my car, so I didn't puke all over myself.
Trust me, it was so bad that i basically crawled back home.
Took extra dosage of the medication because I couldn't take the pain.
Stomach felt a wee bit better.

14 January 2018
Woke up ate a little, was my off day, basically chill day for me.
felt super bloated, drank warm tea, fucking fuck stomach started to act up.
This time it was so fucking bad, my back hurts I was sweating.
Called my parents and I was like, fuck this bull shit. I am going to the hospital.
Went to Columbia hospital, fucking hospital suck shit suck dick!
I don't fucking understand why did they even rent out the entire lobby for filming.
What the fucking fuck?
Come on there are other ways to raise money yeah?
and the staffs there was fucking unprofessional lousy ass slow poke.
got so frustrated, asked my sister to just leave that shit hole, wanted to go home and just die on my bed.
but sister dragged me to another hospital near by,
Went to Tawakal Hospital.
registration and also consultation was FUCKING LONG.
was admitted by the doctor, had panic attack cuz waiting for too long and I was fucking paranoid.
Finally got injection, stomach felt so much better.
can't really sleep, a lot was in my mind.

15 January 2018 
Doctor did Endoscopy. Found out I had gastritis no big deal. 
Friends came to visit me was really happy that they came. 
had long meaningful conversation with on of my buddy.
realised that i think i had a crush on him.
or was it the hospital?
Do i really like him? I wonder.

16 January 2018 
Doctor did ultrasound just to make sure he did not miss anything.
Found out that I have 2 tiny stones in my gallbladder about 8mm each.
Nothing to worry about yet. Discharged and need to see him in another 2 weeks.

I am so sorry that I didn't love myself enough.
I really need to thank my sisters for being there for me throughout the entire process.
Ohana. Family. Blood. 
I really need to take care of myself more.
Enough is enough. 
I was immature and stupid. 

Still trying to figure out my feelings for my mate but, was brutally friend zoned. 
I guess i better get over him, don't want to get hurt. 
Soon he will find himself a girl and I don't want to be crying because of that.

He is, the nicest, sweetest person. I honestly admire his talents, and the way he talks to his sister. 
I like the way we joke around, I love his smell.
Need to remind myself that, me and him impossible.
we are just mates. 

I want to be happy too. I honestly do. but I don't think he likes me the way i like him. 
so. I better get over this soon. 
Don't want to make things weird. 
mates will always be mates.
I learned my lesson.
I am sorry mom dad sisters.
I am sorry Fetty. I will love myself more.

-I am sorry Yoke. I love you.-