so, what's next?

So, what's next?
I have been seeing, dating multiple guys for the past 2 years.
funny how all different individuals tells the same story with the same ending.

So, last weekend I met him, my favorite. It was our 2nd time meeting.
but of course we have been keeping in touch, occasionally and our random video calls.

He stood out the most, the top of my list.
because of the way he talks,
so cocky, so confident, so loud and sometimes obnoxious.
but he is passionate about life, super outgoing yet like spending time alone.
He is smart, wise and gave me some of the best advise.
He, I feel, is the type of guy you either like or hate.
I would consider him as an ass hole.
also the only person that I whispered "You are so hot." while making out.
Ironically I always go for ass holes. he knows.

I stayed over at his place, it was fun.
Talked a lot but still have so much to talk about.
He is not the most thoughtful person.
at least not to me, but nice enough to encourage me to be better.

So now, I achieved what I wanted, what's next?

my friend was excited to know if this time both of us got closer.
well, sorry to disappoint, again.
i feel secretly, i wish he'd text.
but we all know he wouldn't.
I for some reasons refuse to text him first.
I feel my heart crumbed a little when my friends feel sorry for me.


I really don't know what's next.
I have gone through all the guys that i like/interested and i have no one on my list now.
does it mean prince charming is around the corner?

I honestly, truly want to stop crossing out guy's name on my list.

-can I not cross out your name?-
- maybe this time, just be stubborn and stay will you?-
- or i probably should stop dreaming about you, yes. I should-