The past

Past.

Your past - your shadow.

Your shadow that I hate to even look at it.

The shadow that never seem to leave us alone.

Everything you do it seem to follow.

Everything you do, got to do with it.

I am selfish,

the fact that I am trying to accept your past is hard enough for me to swallow. 

The fact that your past used to hurt me so bad.

The fact that your past made you who you are today. 

The fact that I love you so much that I pushed everything down my throat.

The fact that it's so unfair that they got so much from you, and all I get is shadows. 

 Bits and pieces of them

memories of them still lingers 

the way that songs, places, things, cars, words, food, feelings that reminds you of them. 

the way you tell me your stories.

they are killing me each time. each time that you think of them when we are together.

Promises and lies.

there's no way, no body can change anything.

I'll just swallow everything alone.

This is going to be a lonely road.

and I'll walk because you are what I've always wanted. 

I put my past away, I thought, we are starting a whole new book.

I guess, you couldn't resist but to add some of your past in.

 

Your dark humor that I never understand.

You have no idea how much I hated the fact that she won your heart before I did. 

because of her,

You pushed me aside. 

You hurt me. 

because of her, i had to suffer alone. 

because of her, you have memories of her stuck in you.

because of them. 

It's just matter of time till I explode. 

I just need to let things out guys. 

call me dumb call me stupid.

call me blind.

then you came back. I welcome you with open arms. not knowing what will happen. 

because. I love you. 

-it's not just the heart, it's always the heart and physical pain-