Forbidden Love

Forbidden~
hmmm as u all know i always have a 'THING' for Malay guys~ hahahahahaha

yeahh~
i know it requires alot of sacrifice to actually be with the one i love.
but i didnt know it would be that terrifying after i read a book called forbidden love. i got it randomly in my library~ ;p
it's about a love story.. Christian and Muslim~ Cool??!!
anything familiar to u?? hahahahaha

it's kinda like Malay and Chinese in Malaysia~
but our rules are not as strik as in Jordan, Arab~ grateful about it! i really cant imagine being tied up like the Arabian woman~
i would go crazy.. even for half a day~ damn!!!

by the way~ this story really struck my hard~ it's like BAMMM!!! something hit hard on my head~
i never really realised what i had brought myself into.. i mean having that 'thing' for Malay guys..
it's not really "forbidden" in Malaysia. but i didnt consider the consequences..
=.=lll i dont know what am i thinking.. well it's not my fault that i am attracted to them. i just cant control myself..

i tried really hard to like Chinese guys ok!
i really do!
but i cant find anything that interest me.. they r stereotype.. the hair style.. the dressing.. the thinking.. the way they talk~ they way they walk~
i dont seem to feel that i belong to any of the categories though~
sometimes i feel like.. i cant fit in~ like i dont belong here... i feel like i am all alone in this empty hollow world.
where am i????

i am lost totally~
hmm but really do enjoying reading the book~ :) although i m not finish yet~ hahaha
this book also talks about women's right!!
yeahh imagine if i were born in Arab~ i have no rights to do anything~
i had to listen to MEN!! that's so not me..
i dont really 'obey' anyone.. hahahahahaha and u want me to be controlled by Men??

hahahahahaha no way~
that's not my Principe of life at all~
and being controlled is no life at all~

well, for me. if i really love someone.. and that someone loves me too~
and if and only if we r not from the same religion i would run away with him~
to a place that we can live freely..
but i dont think my dad would stab 12 times in my chest just like the girl in the book when her father found out that she was dating a christian guy~ and even called her a whore..

ewwww they didnt even fuck??
hmmm
i came to realised that. i am an alien. from out of space. here to observe humans. or am i just a weirdo myself??? I DONT KNOW!

but i do know something.
i am waiting for a prince.. to save me. from everything.. mybe another alien of my own kind. i dont know..

can i sat i leave it all to god??
no~ cuz i dont think god would ever give me such guy~ so there's no use to pray for it.
it will never happen~
i am always dreaming..

forever is.. forever will..

dear god. i do love you~ and i hope that you show me some signs..
i've been praying so hard that.. sometimes i feel like giving up~
please dont let me do that..
please let my faith say strong with you!
Please..
in the name of god i ask for your guidance and protection.. Amen