A letter to my late grandma

Dear mama,

I miss you. I really miss you.
Sometimes i wonder if God purposely keep all the best people with him in heaven.

I am not sure if there really is Heaven and Hell, but i know you are in a better place.
Happier at least.

I wish you were here.
I wish you can take away all these pain, my heart break and misery.

I wish i had more time with you.
When you passed away I was too young to understand.
I was only 7.
7 years with you is not enough mama.
I miss your cooking a lot.

I hope you are looking over us. I hope you, chor chor and chor chor hong kee is looking over our family.
I can't help but wish you were here at times.
I can't help but feel you are the only one that will understand me best.

I miss going to the beach with you pretending to be little mermaid.
I really miss you calling me "anak bertuah"
I miss playing dress up with you.
I miss you combing my hair.
Make sure that I have more than enough food.
You used to back me up all the time when daddy and ma were angry at me.

So many unanswered questions.
How life would be if you are still here.

I wish you can come into my dreams, tell me I am going to be fine and everything I am feeling right now is temporary, that i will really find my prince charming.
Tell me miracles exists and I am right to believe them.
Tell me not to lose hope in life and I am special.
Tell me I am not easily replaced and I make an impression.
Tell me you will always be with me.
Tell me you will chase away all my bad dreams and they are just dreams.



I miss you mama.
19 years passed and i still miss you more than ever.
are we ever going to meet again?