4:34PM

today is a Sunday.

i am not out to the mall or anything.

i am here in a small cosy room with 3 of my friends.

aiming for the best.

doing the best. i think.

to be the best? we really hope so.

I HOPE SO!

i am broke. i have nothing.

no money no knowledge.

am i human??

home.

i want to go home.

to run away?

no, i need vacation.

haven't been on vacation since college.

and just now i was just browsing through my friend's pictures with her guy.

i like it :) they are so loving and natural.

i even browsed through my friend's new born baby picture :)

and then i thought of something.

something that everybody wants.

can we? be together and have a happy family?

can we ? be as natural as them???

why aren't we?

because.

we all knows. no need to explain. it's the same old thing again and again.

how i hate to repeat it.

to have a unforgettable wedding.

to have a happily ever after with you.

i really hope so.

to pass my exams with no re-sit and repeats.

God i really need you with me.

-To fly with colours-

5 Months

Ya udah 5 bulan si~

:)

i can't believe we actually make it this far. 5 moths is long. i think.

despite all the obstacles.

all the i don't know how to describe.

but it's sad that we can't be near though. never ever celebrated together.

why can't we just be close.

for 1 day. 24 hours. 1440minutes. 86400seconds.

why can't we??

my super number 1.

:)

here i am and there you are.

i am here, stressed out with assignments and all.

how i hope that you are beside me. with a cup of hot milo.

and i am the luckiest girl alive :)

however that's not going to happen.

i might as well. dream.

happy to be your girl ;)

-can we ?-

Complication

people say friendship is suppose to be love.

but i don't really see it in real life.

i mean i can't deny that certain things that i see around me is totally the opposite with what i have heard.

i like to day dream.

yes. a day dreamer indeed.

i am not a hypocrite.

once i like something i will, with all my might like it.

when i hate something. i will try to find ways to not hate it but still hate it.

college life isn't complete with good friends and classmates.

they are what makes me want to go to class. despite the lecturers.

but things are not that simple anymore.

complicated.

i am not in the situation either are you.

posting something like that makes us look bad in front of the whole world

because it's facebook.

something between 2 person should be settle within the area.

to read not to read.

to criticise or to praise up to you.

i am solo.

i write, i breath, i eat.

i have the rights.

to object is your business.

words must be chosen carefully, to object the truth.

when white is always pure

and black is always trying to prove that nothing can be darker than it.

and we always know who's the truth.

to pray and to hope. things like this would stop.

friends. i really do mean what i say.

you action is driving me insane.

and yesterday i realised i need you more than i expected.

-stop the guns, stop the shooting. STOP THE WAR.-

July

time sometimes flies

and sometimes creeps itself towards us.

and sorry to say we seldom pay attention to it.

it's July already.

2 more months and i will finish this sem! :)

to go home.

home. why it dosen't sound as exciting as before?

when i am home. and all is in a mess.

without you and with you.

obstacles.

where should we go??

or are we ever gonna meet???

i just can't stop thinking of it.

i miss you i really do.

so badly that words can't even describe.

this thing between us is not just between us anymore.

it affects others too.

there are things that i dare not tell you.

because i want our relationship to be something good and happy and blessed by everyone.

not just you coming like a criminal hiding from police.

what should i say?

finding for conclusion.

-i want our happily ever after too-

Used?

prey or predator.

using or being used.

which are you?

or you are mutual.

win win situation?

i was Ok with that last time.

but this few days kinda felt used. :(

not saying that i am really good in that something. but if you ask sincerely.

i would try my best to help.

but no.

it'd just another.

i exist because you need me.

and after that i am gone again.

it's sad and frustrating.

is your friendship true to me. or am i just another tool?

cruel world, cruel situation.

sitting here. beautiful morning. hate that we can't text!

study CBO.

-Why can't we get free calls for the rest of our life?-

4 Months

hari ini indah seperti baisa. :)

it's already 4 Months

not too long and not too short.

i really enjoy being together with you.

do you know that??

i admit that sometimes you really make me angry.

but that are all small matters.

i know sometimes i make you mad too. sorry :p

future is still so uncertain.

things are changing really fast.

but. i am true to you. and so are you to me.

can i say. let time prove it all??

i hope so.

and i am here again in my little hostel room writing this.

i am waiting for your reply.

but i don't think you are going to reply.

that.. kinda make me.... well. a little mad. :p

call me childish. Yes i am. only to you.

i miss you a lot.

to write a book and a song about us.

that's still long. i guess.

because we still don't know about the ending.

sadly. i am afraid to face it.

are you brave enough?

-Why am i crazy about you?-

what should i do?

what should i write?

i just feel like crying right now.

ass hole! :(

people are telling me not to continue.

but what should i do?

i mean people that are really important to me in my life.

my family and close friends.

and now i really do feel that i am all alone.

it's not because of you.

hmm how do i say this.

Yes it's because of us.

ok.

i am going to put things straight.

sick of myself giving clues that even me myself got confused.

it's about the RELIGION again!

again and again and again!!!!!!!

it's not your fault or my fault anymore.

there are things out there that beyond our control.

the sacrifices.

means that i have to change my religion just to be with you.

there are laws like that here in MALAYSIA.

and i really don't think that it is fair.

this kinda of love is just FORBIDDEN.

can i say i am playing with fire?

and when you asked me. is our ending going to be sad or happy.

it broke my heart.

because i don't know how to answer you.

i am clueless.

booohuuu who cares now. i am going to talk and talk ok!

just to be with the one i love

with a different religion.

i HAVE to leave my family and my own believe and religion.

and how dare they say that they are not pestering people?

how dare they say that???

i know GOD is great and everyone is so eager to worship him

yes this is good~

but why the WAR?

why the FIGHT?

why the KILLING?

corruption is happening everywhere.

we can't see it.

but we MUST see it!

maybe in 10 years time i will feel stupid reading back my blog but.

i seriously feel unfair!

WE RESPECTED YOU ALL. WE WANT PEACE. WE WANT TO LIVE TOGETHER.

yeah so much with the 1MALAYSIA.

SO MUCH WITH ALL THE THINGS YOU SAID THAT HURT US!

YOU HATED US?

WHAT HAVE WE DONE????

i believe that i am not the one facing problems with relationship and religion here.

anyone that is out there. if you ever read my blog please.

VOICE OUT!!!!!

although i know that chances are low. but. i still have faith.

and i will stand on my ground.

so much far my family that i thought that they knew me well.

i am sorry to say that you all are WRONG about me.

with GOD'S WILL i will change a nation!

with GOD with me. i am everything he wants me to be!!!

-it is forbidden-

malam 16June

nothing's special tonight. didn't thought of writing but...

seriously i am not in a good mood.

:(

angry in fact!

rude. uncivalised. and i don't know what more to say.

or maybe i am like that too.

i don't know...

but seriously. quit acting like i don't mind you do stuff that i hate!!!!

cool me down. anyone??

i know. stupid question. no one will even bother to read.

what ever.

i appreciate my work!

FUCK!

FOCUS

UNTUK

CAPAI

KEJAYAAN

reluctant to do any assignment now.

sorry guys. i need inspirations to write.

even for the introduction.

will e-mail it to teacher when it's done. don't worry.

honestly. i am starting to feel the pressure now.

baby. can you just be with me. :(

-STRESSED OUT-

Why bother?

i tried to change the layouts of my blog few days ago.

but obviously it didn't work.

then i tried again. until i finally gave up.

then i thought. why bother?

i am happy with the current state of it.

so it will remain the same...

it's simple and not complicated.

it's my style a little lazy but still progressing.

i just realised that i don't have to be like everyone els.. to make their blog famous.

i write for people that appreciate my work.

not like some people that...

well i better not comment. :)

not to make my blood boil again.

and then it's the same also with things we do.

we need to stand firm on our ground.

not easily be influence by people around us.

Do what's right.

and that's what makes us all unique.

i like him as he is.

despite all the comments that are unnecessary for me to mention to anyone.

when there's no ending in a story does it mean that..

that story shouldn't exist?

this is not some kind of fairy tale. it's real.

people who understands people who don't.

and me myself honestly.. confused.

it's hard to tell.

because no one knows.

i am sick of thinking of the same old problem that isn't a problem at all.

enjoy the world cup~ :) FIFA!!!!

baby. few more days to meet you! can't wait!!!! :D

miss you so much!

-The way we love-

Children

rocker kid

that's Eric

i kinda fell in love with him :)

Yes. all of us have, had been loved and pampered. when we were young.

our parents that love us, our relatives and many more people that care and more than willing to play with us.

I am a very lucky kid. born with a simple but perfect family.

i have wonderful parents and two crazy sisters.

most of all i love them all.

without them i really don't know what's gonna happen to me.

and today. i went to the orphanage in Cheras. Sun Beam Orphanage.

the kids there were really playful!!

and seriously adorable.

am it makes me wonder.

Why?

WHY OH WHY? they are there?

where are their parents?

i don't know their story because i was afraid to ask.

seems to be sensitive though. i don't know.. just..

afraid.

all i can do is keep praying and hope that the LORD will be in them and look over them :)

i am waiting for other people to upload the picturesss so that i can share with you all.

it's sad. and happy at the same time. i had a really nice but tiring day.

thanks to Jia Wen my senior who brought me there.

hope to go to such places some other times. :)

and people.

taking care of kids is really a THOUGH job! omg!!!

*FAINT*

and then i made up my mind.

i am only going to have 2 kids. a boy and a girl.

that's all. no more! hahahaha :)

i came back to hostel around 5 i think. then slept till almost 8.

hey! told ya! exhausted.

well. hope to get the pictures soon :)

-I need you too-

What?!

what!!!!!!

damn i am not in a good mood.

just this few days.

feeling really down.

and sad.

what about you?

are you feeling the same?

because i can tell it from your sms.

i don't know am i too sensitive

or crazy or obsessed.

or what.

i don't even know what i want now.

sometimes. i really do want to just close my eyes and hope that i can be beside you.

but. it's different in reality.

when you say. you love me.

do you really mean it?

or say it because you are also used to it?

how long are we gonna be like this?!

i hate this!

why can't everything be like it used to be.

when i wake up because of you sms.

and to hear your voice first thing in the morning.

when i trusted you.

when can i find the trust back?

i wan't to.

but. i don't feel. secure enough.

it takes time. doesn't it?

damn! i am really emo~

be here with me. please?

i beg you to think clearly. in what ever you are doing.

hey! i care about you! a lot! ok!

but. you seemed. i don't know.

what ever. believe it or not.

up to you!

i am sick, thirsty, and tired.

what a day~

-Emo-

Petang 29 May

Petang ni hujan.

Hujan lebat.

buat apa hari ni?

bangun pukul 10 nak dekat pukul 11.

cari hp tersayag.

macam biasa :)

mana member pergi?

entah la. ada aktiviti masing-masing. ada yang balik kampung.

nak balik jugak. :(

however. here i am. with thunder storm. listening to the songs that we used to listen together.

i wonder. do you really like them?

today.

it should be there.

but why isn't it there???

i am sick of clicking on the same old page

checking and checking.

till i get.. seriously nothing.

i really want to help.

i just don't understand. why isn't it there.

i am sorry.

kinda mad too.

all i want is to see you get what you want.

all i want is to be there, feeling proud and happy for you.

all i want is to be with you. :)

you can always tell me that you love me, if you really mean it.

because. i believe you.

i will just pray and pray for you.

the song i sang. during that night. that 400 people.

i was looking at you. did you notice?

although many may not remember. but i sang with all my heart.

despite the face that my voice is not that nice.

hmm sudah pukul 5.33pm.

apa nak buat?

baca novel. :)

-Be Positive-

3 Months

I know is a little late. but 23/5/2010.

honestly i really can't believe that it's actually 3Months and more for now. hehe

why didn't i update the blog on that day.

hmmm

i don't know. was too busy or excited i guess.

do you know how much i wish. that we can last really long. :)

but. there are things that we can't control baby.

well, i hope that you are happy. ALWAYS. i mean it.

and no matter what remember. i will always be there for you :)

ingat tu!! super number 1! hehe

and! jangan fikir banyak sangat. it's going to be OK!

doa je la! :)

-Ada orang koya Avarta-