Hari Merdeka

Today is Malaysia's National day/ Independence day.

and i was born 20 years ago. this day.

this day used to be the high light of the year.

when i was small, my relatives, family and friends will come around and give me kisses and hugs.

not to forget huge birthday cake and also presents.

as i grow older.

the presents

the laughter.

the fun

the hugs and kisses

all the love.

tend to vanish slowly.

reducing each year.

and the know the day will come to an end where.

today is insignificant at all.

but. thanks for everything.

i didn't want it to be like this.

i didn't want to have to be emo and down today.

I just wanted to meet you.

i don't need any celebrations nor presents.

i just want to be with you.

We are so near. yet the wall. the distance is so far.

i can't even see.

i can't feel you anymore.

you are unreachable.

There used to be fireworks, and parade.

but now. nothing's left.

gone with the development of the country

that is corrupted.

two evil and mean people. the leaders of our country.

yeah. Malaysia Boleh.

they chose Hari Malaysia instead of Hari Merdeka.

we did NOTHING to achieve hari fucking Malaysia.

but the leaders of the times did everything!

blood were shed.

tears were pouring.

to be independence.

i understand that no one cares.

who the hell cares about birthdays anymore?

i am 20 years old today.

thanks to my mother and father.

making me and feeding me.

i am 20 years old today.

I am fat overweight and ugly.

i am 20 years old today.

i hardly make my parents proud.

i love my country the way it was.

without evil people invading without corruptions.

-I am 20 years old today.-

I finished my Diploma

This makes me wants to PUKE!

Why don't anyone sue fucking 8TV?

This is disgusting!

who the HELL will do such a commercial?

Betol aku tak faham! Selama ni aku anggap semua orang sama je.

tak pernah aku nak kutuk, nak maki nak hamun!

Aku terima je apape korang buat.

kadang-kadang ada jugak pasal kaum M yang menyakitkan hati aku!

tapi aku sabar aku terima!

Apa ni? sial la!

kalau betol korang anggap aku macam ni.

terus delete aku dari friend list korng.

aku malu ada kawan macam korng ni!

ada je 2 3 ekor dalam friend list aku yang racist.

aku tak berbudi bahasa macam orang yang buat iklan ini.

aku sabar aku terima.

Sembahyang la 10 kali sehari pun kalau sikap tu tak ubah memang sama je!

tutup la badan tu macam pochong pun kalau gatal tu tetap gatal~

macam la orang yang pakai tudung tutup aurat tu orang baik!

I don't fucking think so!

kalau tak, tak akan wujud la suicide boomer!

may be this is the real world.

i am just too naive to think that we can life peacefully happily under 1 roof.

ashamed! no wonder people are leaving Malaysia for a better place.

curse this and let it be cursed always!

ouh! kalau korang rasa aku cakap pelak, cuba korang cakap BI.

BI je aku tak suruh lagi cakap cina!

Bodoh!

Travel

happy song for depressing souls out there.

Hey.

i know it's been a long time since i last update my

blog.

i've been busy and lazy. despite that i've been traveling :)

not to some exotic places of course.

I went to Malacca it's a small town full of historical traces.

if you study your history well and i bet you know the

story about Praramesuara the little deer and the tree. After that then came the

Portuguese, they were the first to invade Malacca and rule it for more than 100 years. Then came the British and the Japanese and bla3..

I had quite a wonderful time in Malacca. The weather, the people and most importantly the FOOD! the culture and not to forget the architecture there :)

I am literally in LOVE with the Baba Nyonya house.

currently listed as my dream house.

good thing about small town, less traffic and less pollution.

Fruits dipped in rich chocolate

Irresistible DURIAN PUFF!

Next stop Port Klang.

Porky! LOL!

it's famous for it's pork cooked with herbs and tea in a clay pot.

certainly a delicacy.

port Klang is also a small town.

living in a peaceful neighborhood

wooden house. cement floor zinc roof, bathing with a pail scooping up cold water.

people there basically know each other! they are nice and friendly.

not to forget the FOOD there, besides porky the sea food there is also mouth watering.

majority population in these two town are Chinese so, i basically enjoy being a Chinese and eating real Chinese food! :)

hope to go to Penang some day.

I've been eating and going around spending and putting on weight! :-l that's not a good thing.

train heading back to reality

I remembered getting down from the train. feeling the heavy weight on my shoulders again.

why do we have to live with burdens and responsibilities?

I hate to be bothered, this isn't anti social i just need my own space.

I am trying hard to control my temper and my tongue.

and tell me, who love to be told what to do?! I am tired of this. when can this stop? am i going to live this life for another 50 years?

Sick of being surrounded my insecurities. Please just find something and grab hold of it. Not me. I may be Fat but i am not a buoyant. or a log.

I am struggling too. swimming against the current. I mean, who isn't?!

Life's hard. grow up kiddo! you did this to yourself and quit asking people why!

this is insane.

I am not being mean. it's the fact.

you can comment and act as if everything you say is correct but the fact is still the fact.

guess i need to stop acting this way and try to accept people the way they are.

Lord i need you so much!

I really do hope you listen and answer my prayers.

Finals is another 2 weeks. Pray for me. anyone.

i need prayers. I seriously do.

to all my Muslim friends Selamat berpuasa :)

-get the emo out of me-

BERSIH

7092011

Why so unfair?

where are all your sanity?

I thought this is a democratic country.

Where are the democracy?

The video above is about an old lady.

ex government servant.

she went to join the yellows alone.

took a bus. without knowing where and when. she went. alone.

stopped by police. Questioned her.

But she still stand tall on her believe.

What she wants is Justice and Peace.

What she wants is for the younger generations.

why can't they understand? Why don't they listen?

I feel useless.

Why didn't i stood on my foot? when something small blocked my way, i ran and hide.

This old lady. Did not hide. She was attacked by tear booms and chemical water.

i have nothing to say to defend myself. She is the lady of liberty.

SHAME of you PRIME MINISTER and all the EVIL people out there!

Go Burn in HELL

you compare.

-we hate politics-

Paradise

Define paradise.

with you. it's always so perfect.

i hope it never ends.

teenage dream?

you are more than that.

you are the best thing i ever have.

words just can't describe the bond between us.

people will not understand.

maybe they think it's crap.

they are too foolish and shallow to understand.

you are one in a million and one of a kind.

i begin to doubt my sanity without you with me again.

when will be the next bonding?

i guess it will always be an unknown.

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face and I've
Never been this swept away

All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms
The whole world just fades away
The only thing I hear
Is the beating of your heart

'Cause I can feel you breathe
It's washing over me
Suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe

In a way I know my heart is waking up

As all the walls come tumbling down
I'm closer than I've ever felt before
And I know
And you know
There's no need for words right now

'Cause I can feel you breathe
It's washing over me
Suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe

Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way

-I love it when you love me-

Most guys are JERKS

I had a bad day today!

i am not sure when but i am full of negativity!

i cant smile.

i cant think of any happy stuff!

My thoughts are all about cursing words my mouth cant stop cursing!

God i need you right now.

and my mission is to give more love to this world!

i fail! again.

i know i did it 4 times but is this karma?

or should i even believe in it?

Well, back to the point! i find that most guys are Jerks!

they silently steals a girl's heart.
play with it
and lastly RIP IT into pieces!

What the hell are they thinking?!

i guess they just LOVE to hurt other people's feeling.

fuckers out there are you born to hurt? to destroy? please go to hell.

So girls out there!

watch out! your prince charming will come sooner than you think!

so just be patient, wait and most importantly PRAY!

no matter what religion you are i believe that PRAYING is the best solution for EVERYTHING!

calm yourself and let God handle every unknown every uncertainty commit yourself to him and you will have a good life. Just TRUST him.

-i am going crazy without you with me-

My reflection

I made a video yesterday. Edited.

but after replaying again and again.

i became sick of myself!

I was so fake! seriously!

looks like a bitch.

i means it's terrible! i can't bear to watch it anymore. So. i deleted it.

I am a blogger. not a Vlogger :)

i love writing more. don't need to put up any fake accent or any mask.

just to hide who i am.

well, it's father's day today~!

sent Boris a simple text. and made his day. I guess.

I just want to make him proud.

but i don't know how.

i will just continue to be me.

because i am his daughter. not some bitch.

Boris this song is for you :)

i missed watching cartoons with you.

-lazy day-

Forgiveness

There's whole lot of drama going on this few days.

i just can't describe my feelings using words.

you can't understand. but i really do care. i really do want to try!

你最近不说话

怎么了，为什么
是不是有什么事啊
让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单
有点乱
有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁
你想要的我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束
不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路
你最近不说话
怎么了，为什么
是不是有什么事讓你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单
有点乱
有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁
你想要的我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束
不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路
爱我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束
不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路
这一次我们都能很幸福

-we cant live without each other, yet..-

Sex equals to Love?

Question of the day!

Sex = Love??

youngsters now a days.

they got a little mixed up.

Love and Lust.

"hey look at that girl. dang~! her bobs and bouncing. I think i am in love." someone once said.

so ladies and gentlemen. boys and girls what do you think?

is he in LOVE or in LUST?

I heard gossips about a guy in my college.

he's decent looking but. I can't believe what he did.

LOL it's nothing serious. really.

In fact i am the one who is always judging the book by its cover.

Is he trading love for sex?

only god knows.

but. think about it. How many of the young girls and boys are still virgin below the age of 18?

how may single, per-mature, uneducated Mums out there??

how may rape cases annually in Malaysia?

I mean the ACTUAL amount.

Teenagers lack sex education.

is it because of something called religion pulling them backwards?

Don't waste unnecessary money and time on county development. (eg: Nuclear plant)

since when Malaysia need nuclear energy to generate power supply?

didn't we learn anything from the earth quake, tsunami, and nuclear plant failure in Japan?

didn't we know that radiation kills silently?

Care more about the younger generations.

The future is the reflection of the quality of education that you are giving them today.

I am proud of Bahasa Malaysia but, please don't be a fool by being bold.

English is still the main language to communicate internationally.

Switching and switching the language makes it worse.

STOP CORRUPTION!!!

STOP BEING UNFAIR

Why can't you government people think straight?

you are all blinded by money that can't be carry forward when you meet you creator.

and all of you crooks will have to answer HIM.

go to hell and burn.

-i want love-

The bird

I saw a bird last night.

just outside my room.

I think it was hurt or something.

It couldn't fly.

no matter how hard it try.

i wished i could help.

but i did nothing but cry.

just standing there looking.

waiting for time to consume it.

waiting for it to die.

it's really sad to see a creature die slowly.

what have it done wrong to deserve such pain and punishment?

poor little bird.

no matter where you are.

R.I.P

the rain taps on my window-pain

is the sky crying for you little bird?

or is it sad because i am useless,

did nothing to help you.

he said" he'd help the bird if he were here."

i know he will.

I am sorry.

so sorry.

that i did nothing but cry.

-short life of a little bird-

I am BACK

I am back for good. I guess.

I know I've had some mental break down recently.

Just so you know. This blog meant a lot to me. it's my way of telling my stories.

despite that, I find that i am attached to it.

and when she commented my blog.

i couldn't accept it.

and i gave up.

that's what i always do.

GIVE UP.

Honestly i missed writing.

Not that i can't live without it, but. i hate to block any inspirations.

i can't write as fast as before.

i struggled just to make up sentences.

I wasn't like that.

I know stuffs that i write may not suit everyone.

and i can't force people to like me.

So, i decided i pick up writing again.

Thanks to all my friends that gave me support.

someone once told me that" Even i don't understand your writing, but i enjoyed reading them.."

i know it doesn't make any sense.

makes him look more adorable and lovable.

Thank You :)

I got myself a Holga 135BC

I really wish that i can express myself through LOMO.

will post the pictures after finishing my 1st roll of negative.

Thanks again. For singing this to me.

Miss You to the MAX!!

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are

And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her lips, her lips
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

She's so beautiful

And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

The way you are
The way you are
Girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

-She hated it because she thought that she would lose me, i tell her. she wont be, because she is my guardian angle-

Frustrated

Yeah so what if today's 23rd!

it's another usual boring and useless day!

and yeah

you all don't need to suffer with my blog and my work anymore because i ain't FUCKING write anymore!

thanks to my MUM!

she is so encouraging!

So i quit~!

i don't have the talent either!

this is going to be my last FUCKING post!

so bear with it!

FUCKERS!!

-you asked for what you are facing! it's your fault not mine~!!-

i wonder do you ever really understand and apply the quotes that you post?!

or are you just showing...