4 Months

hari ini indah seperti baisa. :)

it's already 4 Months

not too long and not too short.

i really enjoy being together with you.

do you know that??

i admit that sometimes you really make me angry.

but that are all small matters.

i know sometimes i make you mad too. sorry :p

future is still so uncertain.

things are changing really fast.

but. i am true to you. and so are you to me.

can i say. let time prove it all??

i hope so.

and i am here again in my little hostel room writing this.

i am waiting for your reply.

but i don't think you are going to reply.

that.. kinda make me.... well. a little mad. :p

call me childish. Yes i am. only to you.

i miss you a lot.

to write a book and a song about us.

that's still long. i guess.

because we still don't know about the ending.

sadly. i am afraid to face it.

are you brave enough?

-Why am i crazy about you?-

what should i do?

what should i write?

i just feel like crying right now.

ass hole! :(

people are telling me not to continue.

but what should i do?

i mean people that are really important to me in my life.

my family and close friends.

and now i really do feel that i am all alone.

it's not because of you.

hmm how do i say this.

Yes it's because of us.

ok.

i am going to put things straight.

sick of myself giving clues that even me myself got confused.

it's about the RELIGION again!

again and again and again!!!!!!!

it's not your fault or my fault anymore.

there are things out there that beyond our control.

the sacrifices.

means that i have to change my religion just to be with you.

there are laws like that here in MALAYSIA.

and i really don't think that it is fair.

this kinda of love is just FORBIDDEN.

can i say i am playing with fire?

and when you asked me. is our ending going to be sad or happy.

it broke my heart.

because i don't know how to answer you.

i am clueless.

booohuuu who cares now. i am going to talk and talk ok!

just to be with the one i love

with a different religion.

i HAVE to leave my family and my own believe and religion.

and how dare they say that they are not pestering people?

how dare they say that???

i know GOD is great and everyone is so eager to worship him

yes this is good~

but why the WAR?

why the FIGHT?

why the KILLING?

corruption is happening everywhere.

we can't see it.

but we MUST see it!

maybe in 10 years time i will feel stupid reading back my blog but.

i seriously feel unfair!

WE RESPECTED YOU ALL. WE WANT PEACE. WE WANT TO LIVE TOGETHER.

yeah so much with the 1MALAYSIA.

SO MUCH WITH ALL THE THINGS YOU SAID THAT HURT US!

YOU HATED US?

WHAT HAVE WE DONE????

i believe that i am not the one facing problems with relationship and religion here.

anyone that is out there. if you ever read my blog please.

VOICE OUT!!!!!

although i know that chances are low. but. i still have faith.

and i will stand on my ground.

so much far my family that i thought that they knew me well.

i am sorry to say that you all are WRONG about me.

with GOD'S WILL i will change a nation!

with GOD with me. i am everything he wants me to be!!!

-it is forbidden-

malam 16June

nothing's special tonight. didn't thought of writing but...

seriously i am not in a good mood.

:(

angry in fact!

rude. uncivalised. and i don't know what more to say.

or maybe i am like that too.

i don't know...

but seriously. quit acting like i don't mind you do stuff that i hate!!!!

cool me down. anyone??

i know. stupid question. no one will even bother to read.

what ever.

i appreciate my work!

FUCK!

FOCUS

UNTUK

CAPAI

KEJAYAAN

reluctant to do any assignment now.

sorry guys. i need inspirations to write.

even for the introduction.

will e-mail it to teacher when it's done. don't worry.

honestly. i am starting to feel the pressure now.

baby. can you just be with me. :(

-STRESSED OUT-

Why bother?

i tried to change the layouts of my blog few days ago.

but obviously it didn't work.

then i tried again. until i finally gave up.

then i thought. why bother?

i am happy with the current state of it.

so it will remain the same...

it's simple and not complicated.

it's my style a little lazy but still progressing.

i just realised that i don't have to be like everyone els.. to make their blog famous.

i write for people that appreciate my work.

not like some people that...

well i better not comment. :)

not to make my blood boil again.

and then it's the same also with things we do.

we need to stand firm on our ground.

not easily be influence by people around us.

Do what's right.

and that's what makes us all unique.

i like him as he is.

despite all the comments that are unnecessary for me to mention to anyone.

when there's no ending in a story does it mean that..

that story shouldn't exist?

this is not some kind of fairy tale. it's real.

people who understands people who don't.

and me myself honestly.. confused.

it's hard to tell.

because no one knows.

i am sick of thinking of the same old problem that isn't a problem at all.

enjoy the world cup~ :) FIFA!!!!

baby. few more days to meet you! can't wait!!!! :D

miss you so much!

-The way we love-

Children

rocker kid

that's Eric

i kinda fell in love with him :)

Yes. all of us have, had been loved and pampered. when we were young.

our parents that love us, our relatives and many more people that care and more than willing to play with us.

I am a very lucky kid. born with a simple but perfect family.

i have wonderful parents and two crazy sisters.

most of all i love them all.

without them i really don't know what's gonna happen to me.

and today. i went to the orphanage in Cheras. Sun Beam Orphanage.

the kids there were really playful!!

and seriously adorable.

am it makes me wonder.

Why?

WHY OH WHY? they are there?

where are their parents?

i don't know their story because i was afraid to ask.

seems to be sensitive though. i don't know.. just..

afraid.

all i can do is keep praying and hope that the LORD will be in them and look over them :)

i am waiting for other people to upload the picturesss so that i can share with you all.

it's sad. and happy at the same time. i had a really nice but tiring day.

thanks to Jia Wen my senior who brought me there.

hope to go to such places some other times. :)

and people.

taking care of kids is really a THOUGH job! omg!!!

*FAINT*

and then i made up my mind.

i am only going to have 2 kids. a boy and a girl.

that's all. no more! hahahaha :)

i came back to hostel around 5 i think. then slept till almost 8.

hey! told ya! exhausted.

well. hope to get the pictures soon :)

-I need you too-

What?!

what!!!!!!

damn i am not in a good mood.

just this few days.

feeling really down.

and sad.

what about you?

are you feeling the same?

because i can tell it from your sms.

i don't know am i too sensitive

or crazy or obsessed.

or what.

i don't even know what i want now.

sometimes. i really do want to just close my eyes and hope that i can be beside you.

but. it's different in reality.

when you say. you love me.

do you really mean it?

or say it because you are also used to it?

how long are we gonna be like this?!

i hate this!

why can't everything be like it used to be.

when i wake up because of you sms.

and to hear your voice first thing in the morning.

when i trusted you.

when can i find the trust back?

i wan't to.

but. i don't feel. secure enough.

it takes time. doesn't it?

damn! i am really emo~

be here with me. please?

i beg you to think clearly. in what ever you are doing.

hey! i care about you! a lot! ok!

but. you seemed. i don't know.

what ever. believe it or not.

up to you!

i am sick, thirsty, and tired.

what a day~

-Emo-

Petang 29 May

Petang ni hujan.

Hujan lebat.

buat apa hari ni?

bangun pukul 10 nak dekat pukul 11.

cari hp tersayag.

macam biasa :)

mana member pergi?

entah la. ada aktiviti masing-masing. ada yang balik kampung.

nak balik jugak. :(

however. here i am. with thunder storm. listening to the songs that we used to listen together.

i wonder. do you really like them?

today.

it should be there.

but why isn't it there???

i am sick of clicking on the same old page

checking and checking.

till i get.. seriously nothing.

i really want to help.

i just don't understand. why isn't it there.

i am sorry.

kinda mad too.

all i want is to see you get what you want.

all i want is to be there, feeling proud and happy for you.

all i want is to be with you. :)

you can always tell me that you love me, if you really mean it.

because. i believe you.

i will just pray and pray for you.

the song i sang. during that night. that 400 people.

i was looking at you. did you notice?

although many may not remember. but i sang with all my heart.

despite the face that my voice is not that nice.

hmm sudah pukul 5.33pm.

apa nak buat?

baca novel. :)

-Be Positive-

3 Months

I know is a little late. but 23/5/2010.

honestly i really can't believe that it's actually 3Months and more for now. hehe

why didn't i update the blog on that day.

hmmm

i don't know. was too busy or excited i guess.

do you know how much i wish. that we can last really long. :)

but. there are things that we can't control baby.

well, i hope that you are happy. ALWAYS. i mean it.

and no matter what remember. i will always be there for you :)

ingat tu!! super number 1! hehe

and! jangan fikir banyak sangat. it's going to be OK!

doa je la! :)

-Ada orang koya Avarta-

The Promise.

Apa itu Promise?

Promise itu Janji. Ye kot.

hari ini hari selasa.

kelas lewat.

tengok movie the note book kat laptop. Best :)

terharu giler.

nangis seorang-seorang dalam bilik.

nasib baik roommate tak ada. hehe

cerita itu pasal pasangan bahagia.

biasa laa.. that movie is based on the novel written by Nicholas Sparks.

nak tahu detail pergi beli, pinjam, curi, rompak buku tu.. and then baca.

tapi pasangsan tu tak bahagia mana pun.

Noah and Elli

Elli tu anak orang kaya. Noah pulak budak miskin.

tapi. nak buat macam mana kan. 2 orang tu jatuh cinta.

Elli asal bandar. dia singgah kejap saja kat kampung Noah.

konon-konon Summer holiday.

akhirnya. parents Elli tahu laa pasal hubungan mesra anak kesayangan mereka dengan budak miskin tu.

rasa-rasa semua orang sudah boleh teka kan apa yang berlaku.

Elli terpaksa laa balik ke bandar.

Noah pulak stay kat kampung.

setaip hari... Noah tulis surat kat Elli.

tapi Mak Elli tu jahat. dia nyusuk semua surat-surat Noah.

365 pucuk surat! banyak tu.

Lepas tujuh tahun. macam-macam telah berlaku.

Elli... kenal orang baru. dah tunang dah.

Noah. sayang lagi kat Elli. sebelum Elli balik ke bandar dia pernah Janji. kata dia akan beli rumah usang kat kampung dia tu. Lepas tu nak buat renovation.

Noah pegang lagi janji tu. mesti laa. dia berjaya bina semula rumah itu. Cantik :)

Keluar surat kabar pulak tu.

Si Elli. terbaca pasal Noah dengan rumah tu.

Dia drive macam pemandu F1. nak pergi cari Noah.

AKKKHIIRRRR nya. lepas macam-macam dugaan.

Noah dan Elli. Live happily ever after.

TAPI!

tak happy mana pun.

Elli dapat penyakit Alzheimer...

memang dia tak ingat pasal dulu-dulu.

Noah pun tulis laa kisah dia dengan Elli tu dalam sebuah NOTE BOOK.

tiap-tiap hari. dia baca kat Elli.

kadang-kadang Elli ingat.

Kadang-kadang tak.

Kesian.

LAST but not least.

2 orang tu mati pegang tangan.

:)

ermh3 yang aku cerita ni memang tak detail mana.

tapi memang terharu sangat.

aku pulak fikir pasal.... banyak la fikir.

kalau forever and always itu betul. is it a promise we can keep baby??

hmmm

lagu Kimia asik ulang je.

Tak bosan pun :)

miss you so much!

-Ready to Class-

Me.

sometimes.

i really don't know what you are thinking.

sometimes i do feel like opening up your brain!

your heart just to see... what are you thinking.

am i crazy? or it's the distance that cause this thought?

i know it's not healthy. but. i can't control them.

they are like...

ants. crawling all around. kill them for me. will you?

I need you.

what are you thinking.

sometimes i thought i know you.

but, sometimes it just seems like. i don't know anything about you.

this stranger.

is it me? or it's something els?

-Know-

He was there.

here i am. i my room. alone. where's my roommate i wonder. LOL

facing my laptop as usual with his sms and some of his stuff around me :)

damn! i will really miss him like crazy and all~

just hope that i wont be like a zombie or something.

HE ACTUALLY WENT TO THE AIRPORT!!!!

and i thought he wouldn't.

and my phone was off. already checked in.

i was sitting there wondering. and feeling really sad.

But he was there!! SO NEAR!

we can't even meet for the last time.

he stood there. 8.20am 17/5/2010.

and goodbye.

when the plane took off.

i didn't know about that until i reach KL.

that fateful phone call.

broke my heart.

HE WAS THERE.

i am stupid. :(

he's the best!!

that's why he's my SUPER NUMBER 1.

:)

well, gonna start my 4th sem. although the timetable sucks. but. what ever.

PRAY THAT I WILL PASS ALL MY EXAMS!!!

result's coming out few more days i think.

not sure.

but please.

let me pass ALL of them! :)

-When you look me in the eyes-

She's Gone.

have you ever lose a person. So important to you.

the person that, you love more than anything els in the world???

i lost my grandmother. long-long time ago, when i was 7.

that was very sad.

But. have you ever lost someone important to you.

Someone you want to spend the rest of the life with.

Just gone.

No. i am too afraid to lose them.

but a very close friend of mine.

He lost his girlfriend.

she suffered from brain cancer.

the worst thing is..

he didn't even get the chance to take care of her

and he didn't even know about it until that day.

The day that he shed tears for her.

That fateful phone call.

My friend here. He really is a brave person!

i adore him!

he's so brave that he swore that from that day onward.

he will never shed a drop of tear again for her.

and from there. he live his life as usual.

but!

there are things that we don't know.

To her. He says:

the times where he would try to send her IM messages.

times where he would try imagine talking with her on his phone.

times where he search and search for an address to send letters to her.

times where he want to tell her tons and tons of things but can't.

and many more times that he wishes to see her again.

He's so brave! he hide it all from us.

and that makes me feel useless.

I cried. really. in front of them.

complaining about me and him.

he, as usual gave me advice.

and then i realized. i am such an ass to cry in front of him!

i am way more lucky then him.

I should face it. i wanna be as brave as him!

i wish i could.

my super number 1.

I love you. i really do.

sometimes when you look deep into my eyes.

i feel like crying.

because how much i wish to be with you forever is never gonna happen.

scarifies that we have to make. it's too much.

in this country. it's forever in never gonna happen without any BIG sacrifices.

I miss you.

but i have to go back. soon.

i don't know is thing gonna change.

but all i know now is. you are almost everything to me.

i hope you understand. because you are going to read this one day.

and when you are reading this, we probably are far away from each other.

i will always remember you.

this is not a promise but a fact.

-To be Brave-

when no one's at home

I am home alone. Again.

mamcam biasa la, adik-adik sibuk tusyen. mak ayah pulak ada program masing-masing.

tinggal aku je kat rumah.

Moyang pun ada aktiviti dia. TIDO la apa lagi kan. orang tua.

rindu kat si dia je la kerja aku.

sejak-sejak balik Terengganu ni asik rindu je kat MY SUPER NUMBER 1. :)

biar laa dah jumper pun.

Macam tak puas jer. :P

aku risau giler. macam mana laaa lepas balik kolej nanti.

dah dekat-dekat pun rindu dah. nanti balik kolej lagi laa.

nanti betul aku jadi ZOMBI!

hahahaha

hmm kan best kalu rumah si dia tu dekat dengan rumah aku.

aku kesian jugak kat dia. susuah-susuah nak mari rumah aku dah la panas.

PANAS SANGAT-SANGAT!!

si dia pulak naik moto. jauh pulak tu.

paham-paham je laa jalan tu bukan selamat. Risau sangat kalau ada paper jadi kat dia.

huhu

tapi nak buat macam mana. bukan aku tahu rumah dia kat mana.

kalau tahu pun, bukan aku boleh pergi.

hahahahaha

aku rasa aku macam menyusahkan dia je.

:( mari rumah aku...

bukan best pun. hadap laptop jugak. kadang-kadang cakap dengan moyang aku.

takut dia bosan :(

ishhh

AM i a good girlfriend.

WHAT HAPPEN TO ME!!!

:(

kesimpulannya, aku bosan. blog ni pun bosan. post ni lagi la bosan.

Bosan sebab dia tak ada.

bosan sebab aku rindu bangat sama dia.

entah la. cepat-cepat lah sembuh. I NEED YOU!

our love is the perfect crime??

-RUANG RINDU-