Confession of the heart

I am glab to be at home now..

only God knows how much i miss home..



:)

hmmm what's my confession?

after watching final destination.. haha i know i know..
i think that humans r so tiny and weak~ we cant fight destiny, the way we die.. how old we will live..how we look.. wrinkles.. and many many more

but we humans r vry bold! we though that we can handle everything.. we can control the world and the things happening..

but the fact is we are still way behind and weak to take control~

we dont know how where when we will die..
life's short.. our very first destination is our final destination..

dont you think so??
i mean after we r born we have to die..
what's the purpose to be born if we have to die???

haha! that's when i realized that everyone is born with a mission..
and after the mission is accomplished we eventually die...

this is just my theory though..

that's why after watching that movie.. i decided to live life to the fullest.. like my best friend used to say :D

i will complete my mission and die peacefully..
i hope so~
we dont know what will happen next..

today i maybe alive but we will never know if tomorrow never comes....

that's y i will try hard to do the best in everything.. to live :)
my life's not all about study.. life's all about fun! EVEN God wants us to have fun!
do you know that?
so i am gonna say it out after all..
i am prepared~

fuuuuhhhhhh i hope so! hehe

hope u enjoy reading :)
it's getting really late and there's a storm coming.. so i better go off to bed~

night :)

deeper conversation.

Not as delicious as they look ;P
I love you guys!!!

18?
yeah i am indeed 18 now..
lol

it was so different to be far from home.. and even celebrating my 1st birthday at a place that don't seem to be familiar.
with the people that i am going to be close with for quite sometime..

lol
18 birthday.. i was really fun and surprising despite the face that i am born on the national day.. but who cares??

no one.. i am just a soul like everyone else..
no different~

but i am really glad and happy to know the people around me..
they make me feel so like a family..

i really wish not to end this closed linked relationship cuz i know i began to love them..

18 seem old to me.. i dont know why but i just feel old.. i wonder..
well i cant write long cuz i am not using my laptop now..
more update later plus pictures! :D

Dreams

Why do we dream??
i dont really understand though..

i mean dreams always make me uncomfortable with myself..
every night before i close my eyes.. i pray that i dream about u..

but what do i get.. things that i dont expect.. things that i dont want to even think about...

i was so busy this few days.. i had no time to relax.. to take a ddep breath.. to smell.. to DREAM

it's good sometimes to dream but dont be too carried away.. "u can dream but dont make dream ur master" a poem from a dad to his son.. i forgot the title but it's in my form5 literatutre..

:)

i was really dissapointed and even mad at few things last few weeks i wanted to just post it..
but that stupid connecttion in my hostel really kills me.. i was so frustrated that i dont even want to touch my laptop.
i want to just throw everything away~

obviously it's just a kind of emotion.. i wont.. lol~

i am really happy that my dad came today.. i always wanted to eat with him :D especially when i am so far away~ i do miss my family.. my house :(

YOKE sabar laaa nehhh!!!!! brape minggu lagi leh balik!!!!
huhuuu

No shining stars in Kuala Lumpur

ask your self before u proceed reading~ :)

do read while playing what about now-daughtry
is there any stars in KL? NO~

i mean kids that grow up in KL can hardly see stars all they can see in the night sky is just

vivid aeroplane or helicopter's light and they some times mistaken them as stars! lol

and i would like~ ermmhh.. stars wont move that fast..



what i mean is city kids are different.. they are not that close to nature.

and sometimes they really get on my nerve~

no more moral values no more humanity.. zero!

why???

what happen to the education???

FAIL man!!!!

how can it turn out to be like this??

i though we r suppose to live together as one..

nothing to do with our religion or race or skin colour ohhhh who cares..

i am just a lonely blogger that no body really notice my post even..

so why bother...

Kissing???

Angel KissThis is a sweet, comforting kiss. Gently and ever so lightly kiss your partner either on the eye lid or right next to the eyes.

Cheek KissA friendly, "I really like you" kiss. Often the preferred kissing method of a first date. With your hands on your partner's shoulders, gently brush your lips across her cheek.

Butterfly KissWith your faces less than a breath away, open and close your eyelids against your partners. If done correctly, the fluttering sensation will match the one in your heart.

Freeze KissExperiment with this fun kiss. Put a small piece of ice in your mouth, then open mouth and kiss your partner, passing them the ice with your tongue. It's an erotic and sensual french kiss with a twist of cold.

Eskimo KissWith your faces less than a breath apart, gently rub your noses together.Earlobe KissGently sip and suck the earlobe. Avoid louder sucking noises as ears are sensitized noise detectors.French KissThe kiss involving the tongue. Some call this the "Soul Kiss"because the life and soul are thought to pass through the mouth's breath in the exchange across tongues.

Forehead KissThe "motherly" kiss or "just friends" kiss. The forehead kiss can be a comforting kiss to anyone. Simply brush your lips lightly across the crown of their head.

Foot KissAn erotic and romantic gesture. It may tickle, but relax and enjoy it!
To give a toe kiss by gently suck the toes and then lightly kissing the foot. It helps to gently massage the base of the foot while performing the kiss.Hickey KissThe object is not to draw blood, but to gently leave a mark that will prove your interlude was not a dream. This is often included in erotic foreplay.

Hand KissGently raise her hand to your lips. Lightly brush your lips across the top of her hand. Historically this kiss was performed with a bow, which showed deference to a lady.

Hot/Cold KissGet a cold drink and put some in your mouth. Have your partner gets a hot drink and puts some in their mouth. You then French kiss leaving a sensational feeling.

Letter KissSend your lover a kiss in a love letter by writing the letter x several times in a row at the bottom of a letter such as XXXXX.

Mistletoe KissSurprise your lover by capturing them with a gentle holiday kiss under the mistletoe. This is also a good method for shyer individuals to steal a kiss from a potential lover.

Neck KissCome up behind the person you want to kiss. Lightly lick the back of their neck, then kiss the back of their neck a few times.

Neck Nibble KissGently nibble up and down your partners neck. End with a gentle kiss on the lips.

Nip KissThis kiss can create a very erotic sensation. While kissing your partner, ever so gently nibble on their lips.You must be very careful not to bite to hard or hurt your partner. When done correctly, this kiss ignites wonderful sensations.

Shoulder KissSimply come from behind, embrace her, and kiss the top of her shoulder. This is a sensual, loving kiss.

Sip KissTake a small sip of your favorite drink. Leaving a little bit of it on your lips, kiss your partner. It is a unique way to create a sensual feeling and your partner will enjoy it.

Stomach KissGently kiss and nibble on your partners stomach, and sometimes it leads to other things..

Talking KissWhisper sweet nothings into your partner's mouth.If caught in the act, simply say, "I wasn't kissing her. I was whispering into her mouth."

Tiger KissQuietly sneak up behind your partner making sure they do not know what you are going to do. Out of the blue, grab them and gently bite their neck. Make sure to get a few good growls in too. This will surely surprise them.

Tongue KissWhile french kissing your partner, gently suck their tongue while it's in your mouth. This produces a wonderful, erotic feeling for both!Quickie KissWhen you're in a rush. Often the nose gets it rather than the lips.

Upside Down KissYou stand behind your partner (who is seated or laying down) and have them tilt their head back.Then kiss them so that you nibble their lower lip and they nibble yours. This is fun and feels good because you can feel them breathing on your neck as you kiss.

Underwater KissFind your partner under water. Embrace and kiss. It's a unique and wonderful feeling. By the time you run out of air, you'll be back at the top. Continuing the kiss is optional.

Underwater Deep End KissDive to the bottom of the deep end of a pool. Find your partner under water and begin kissing. Continue as you rise to the top.

Vacuum KissWhile kissing open-mouthed, slightly suck in as if you were sucking the air from your partners mouth. This is a playful kiss.

Virtual KissFor Internet lovers. Send an e-card or a kiss via email with this symbol: :-* .

The Wave KissWhile kissing your partner, slowly roll your tongue like a wave, up and down.It can be a little sloppy, but it's a unique feeling and always gets a little laugh when it's done.

Huggies anyone??

'I Love You' Hug
A close cheek-to-cheek hug that says
"I Love You"

even more with an added kiss on the lips.'I Want You Now' Hug
A close hug with a bit of rubbing and grinding.

Big Bear Hug
Pull your partner in really, really, really close, put your arms completely around them, and squeeze tight.

Butt Squeeze Hug
A sexy, passionate hug. Pull your partner in close, lift your leg around their legs and give their butt a passionate squeeze.

Ecstatic Jump-n-Hug
Run at your partner and jump into their arms with excitement!

Encouraging Hug
Pull your partner close and give them a gentle squeeze with a light pat on the back.

Friendly Hug
Put your arms lightly around your partner's shoulders and give a gentle squeeze.

Group Hug
A hug involving multiple people - family or friends - where you all put your arms around one another.

Half Hug
A quick wrap, lightly touching your partner where your arms only go halfway around (hence, half a hug).

Hello & Goodbye Hug
A quick, semi-close hug paired with a kiss on the cheek.

Hug of Joy
A semi-close hug with excitement and movement that often times includes a bit of excitement jumping.

Passionate SqueezePull your partner in closely and give them a passionate squeeze as you gently kiss along their neck.S

nuggle Hug
Usually works best when sitting on a couch, etc. Drape your arm around your partner's shoulders and snuggle up in close!

Spoon Hug
While not normally thought of as a hug, the 'spoon' is essentially your arms wrapped around your partner -- a hug! While lying in bed on your side, pull your partner close and wrap your body around theirs in a 'spoon' position.

Sympathy Hug
Pull your partner close and lay their head lightly on your shoulder as you give their back a light rub.

Tree Hug
Find a large tree (perhaps while picnic-ing), and each partner wrap their arms around the tree to meet the other partner's hands.

Let GO~

Let go... why??

i've been asking myself..
why some of my friends are no who they used to be last time.. before we grow up..
before we finish spm..

i really do miss the days when we were younger.. the days when we cared for each other..
the days when we dont think so complicated.. when we used to laugh and do silly things together..

hmmm how i wish i can turn back time..
but this past month i realised that most of my friends.. they dont seem to look back anymore..

i asked my mom.. and the answer she gave me "they move on.. and u too should let go and move foward and not back ward"

i think about here answer for a while.. means that i cant really accept for that mean time..
but now.. i finally understand..

I HAVE to let go..
let go for a better future..
to let go.. to put new things in your future..
to meet new people.. new situation to grow..

do i have to let go completely??

i dont think so..
i still can keep that memory in my heart and maybe take it out once in a while..
i wont forget my friends.. i mean i m not like some of the people out there who completely erase their previous memory.. no i wont..

that's why i am not changing the address of my blog.. :)
cuz it's easy to remember hahahahahaha
even there's no more 5taqwa.. and few years from now.. no body will remember 5 taqwa anymore.. but they cant deny the momories we had. :)

YOKE.. Let go.. MOve foward :P

makes me think~

i love to think~
not really thinking though.. more to day dreaming.. lol~
despite being busy everyday but i will still give myself atleast a second or two..
just to make my mind drift to a far distance..

or is it maybe after i read the book mr.darcy and me~
hmmm
i m always into old fasion and vintage..
i love antique... i love the time when men were more honest.. reliable and charming :D
those were the days when people really know the true meaning of LOVE..

i studied teenagers or even adults now a days they dont really know the meaning of undying love and helplessly devoted to someone(LOL i said it as thought i know)
to be honest.. i happen to have some oppinion about love...

for me love is something unconditional..
i mean u can love someone unconditionally (like me to my parents and vice versa :D)
u can fall in love so deeply with a person even when everybody's talking bad things about him/her.. you r deaf.. love blocks every bad thing that is going into you~
and when u r in love.. u r really devoted to that someone..
everything about that person seems to be important to you..
even the tiniest bit of all~

love is undying.. and there wont be a expiery date...
love is so not the type of CINTA KONTRACK(omg it's so damn childish)
i personally.. wont and cant accept that kind of.. JOKE???

hmmmm.. i m really sick of doing things that i m doing now..
i hope to take jean austin's advice...
i m trying.. really hard..
hmmmmm

Perasaan ku

perasaan ku??
yeah yeahh i know i am a girl with lots of feelings~
hehehehe


in Terengganu.. my home town.. the place where i were brought up.. i am sorry that i had to leaf to another state that is familiar yet so new to me..
the people here are totally different. different in the sense that their thoughts and life style and attitudes..

i remembered well.. in my mind.. Chinese Malay and Indian lived together as one in my small town.. but i though that they would be closer in the big city~
but i soon found out that i was so wrong...
i cant believe that what i am seeing .. hearing or even experiencing here..

i just dont understand y?
i always thought that we are ONE.. i mean.. where is perpaduan kaum?? where is budi bahasa??
where is all the nilai nilai murni???!!!!

OMG! i know that i am not a budi bahasa tyoe or person but.. this is far worse that i had imagine~

how can this happen??
when are we going to achieve 2020??
i am so so sooooo worried that 13may might happen again~
i am really afraid..the kind of fear that i cant explain..
the fear of loosing my love ones and my friends of different race and religion...

i cant bare it anymore~
everything seems to be ok~
the truth is far worse...

more illustration on next blog.. bila inspirasi ku datang! :D

11 JULY

what's so special about THE DAY??
i dont know..

it's just somebody's birthday~
lol

actually... it's not just somebody~
it's HIM!
that guy~
that seems so familiar yet so unfamiliar to me..
a phase of growing..
a little crush~

a cute guy that i had knock myself onto so hard till i was hurt all over~
i promise myself i will always remember him~
but i guess i am not significant~ just a tiny dust in his eyes~

i love his smile and still do..although i cant look at him carefully anymore
but his features are all hand craft in my head~
it's difficult for to even forget his birthday~

i am just a nonsense just a lunatic to him~
but dose he know that he means so much to me...
i just dont know why~~

it's a week after his birthday~

happy birthday~ the guy beside the window~

RM3

can u buy a heart with RM3??

hmm i really dont know what to say bout this..

am i a hypocryte?

am i money minded..

argghhh!! i can believe he bought my heart by using 1 and almost 2 years of time and rm3.. lol

but i am still cnfused.. he bought my heart by phone calls.. and almost 2 months.. hahahahah

man i am crazy~

WORDS

are the words the truth?
the beautiful words..
so sweet and suiting flowing into my ear.
why cant you just tell me?
or it's my fault that i m blinded...

i am really happy that u said u wish that i were at your house.. and we can talk face to face
i am really happy that u called me
i am really happy that u dont mind
i am really happy that u r what u r now...
or would u change?

i am also happy that i am far away from u cuz i know u missed me :)
i dont know am i the one... but sometimes i hope that i am the only one
i wonder what u talked about with her..
i wonder do u still like her?
i hope that u realised.
i hope that u call me everyday
i hope that the phone bill is free and we would talk day n night

i love the way u talk to me
i love your laughter although i can just hear them

i wish to see u but not your picture
i hate to quarrel with u
i dont wanna make u mad
and i hope u wont ever break my heart again.

i hope i can be loyal and like u with all my heart but no
i realised and awaken when u last hurt me..
and i cant really go back to who i was cuz i find the fun and pleasure being who i am

cuz i am in love with both of u...
i hate telling u lies that u dont even realised.
i am truly sorry..
for me this is just... a game.. a game that i had lost badly but rebuilding it with new strategies.
i hope that u forgive me.
i hope to get both of u.
as if i can~


am i crazy for wrintng these?
i dont know.. it's just what i feel...

H1N1

what the hell man~
what's with the h1n1??

sick of it!
sick of wearing mask
it's damn hot! and a person like me.. sweat like hell wearing it.. huhuu
but prevention is better than cure... right???

but some of the people here..
i mean thoes jerks!
laughing and teasing people that r wearing mask.
what r u trying to prove?
u r not afraid? u r stupid? u r childish? go eat my shoe!!!
damn i hate them...
lol

college life's so far so good.. i dont really have any BIG trouble yet..
but i really do worry bout the flu though~
trying my best to prevent it~ :)

terengganu it still the best! :D
i miss my family so much! huhu
and my friends
y must we be appart??
i really do miss u..
when can we meet again???

although u would call me once in a while.. but there's no 3G here.. lol
i enjoy talking face to face with you~
i really regreted not taking picture with u at the bus stand
and really thank you 4 being there with me...
i think i am falling.. slowly.. into..... lol

wokay3.. enough~
that's privet hahahahaha

call me more ok! some times i do get bored here u know... and stress out..
i suddenly miss ur support and your smile..
i miss the way u give 2 thumbs up when ever i finish a presentation..
i miss it when u look at me
i miss it when we would joke and talk during klas kenegaraan and all
i miss you!

huhuuu i miss gossiping with u in I-3
i miss the laughter
i miss the cat walk and the silly jokes..
i miss getting roll call and getting punish
i miss running with u all and eating together..

I MISS MISS MISS!!! i am going crazy!! help anyone??