freaking sister

I AM BACK IN KUALA LUMPUR.
tired as fuck :(




My sis is with me here. limited internet usage time. :(
not much to update though.
but the same semesters resolution :-S


I PRAY THAT I PASS MY LAST SEMESTERS EXAM!
please!


more updates soon :) 

Interracial long distance

Morning and HELLO :)
hey guys. did yall miss me? I am into writing mood now.


so i finished my final exam then went back to Kuala Terengganu 
had fun for the first week then got sick = =lll i am getting better now though.
it's the change of weather i guess. LOL never thought that i'm weak. i mean i grew up there and now i am not used to the chilly ocean breeze. WEIRD! 

The famous interracial marriage Marion Caunter and SM Nasarudin 

for those who've read my blog post the past years know that mah boy here is not Chinese.
and we are not the near to each other. what i am trying to say is we are in a long distance relationship which makes it even harder. :(  




My parents and family (so typical) obviously strongly oppose with the thing we have for each other since the begging of time. They used to have these talks with me that sate all the disadvantages of getting myself involve with him. they think that he is the wrong idea. 
of course for all the Chinese out there. Their first fear is converting to other religion. I don't know why and what's there to be afraid of. call me naive but i don't see anything that will hurt anyone. I mean a family will always be a family no matter what happens. 
They are afraid of losing me that i will cut ties with them. this is funny and ridiculous! but i wish that they know how much i love them and anything they say will have a huge effect on me. which makes it even even even harder. I'll be happier if i didn't care about anything they say. 
even my boy friend knows that every time i have these talks with my parents we will end up crying over the phone.
how can i tell them it's not as bad as they think it is. :(
maybe is the up bringing maybe is the culture maybe it's the government. I don't know. why do people have this skeptical and negative thoughts about interracial relationships?


besides my family the distance between us is also an issue!
i can't stand the fact that we can't be with each other whenever we need each other the most.
i guess my sister is correct. we need a whole lot of imagination to maintain this relationship.
Like him hugging me to sleep. holding my hand to class. pat my head when i did something good. 
things like that.
sometimes we have this stupid fights which is so dumb! i mean why do we have to fight?
my parents will be super happy to see up split and the distance is killing us why do we need to make it even worse? 
ironic right? 


honestly he is the sweetest guy you've ever met plus he is drop dead gorges ^___^
tall tanned and handsome. what more can i ask for?
Oh God there's just so much good in him that i want to share. but i am afraid that yall will be bored to death by then. LOL 
and imagine the cute babies that we would have if i were to be his wife! LOL 

there you have us :)

i really hope that one day one fine they. they will see the good in him and accept us. :)

Sepet the movie

WOW i really love writing about him huh! one lucky fellow to be in my blog all the time! LOL
Hey for those who are in a relationship or interracial relationship or had been in any kind of relationships do post some comment and tell your stories and how you deal with them! I REALLY WANT TO KNOW!
:)




thanks for reading again :) have a good Tuesday 
over and out! ;)

Boys all around me!!

Hey you guys :)


I just got really HORNY today (ya i know girls you've had those days) ;)
Weeeeeeeeeeee~~


Ok i know i shouldn't be doing this since, you know i got my finals coming up this SATURDAY! but i love this blog so much i couldn't leave it alone :p


We are going to talk about BOYS today! Are you excited or what??! LOL


I've had crush and crushes on tons of boy before i was in a relationship with him. like seriously i literally "fall in love" with ALL THE GUYS, i know SLUTTY.
but i sure have a certain type.


Just so you know I have no interest in Chinese guys :-S i am not being a traitor here! I just don't like em! I like something different from what i am and sometimes Chinese guys really pisses me off! Seriously! 
that's why i am in a relationship with a Malay. Hey! please be clear that i do not have preference over Malays too it's just a coincidence that my boy is a Malay. It could have been an American boy, a British boy ya know the blond hair and the ocean blue eyes (melting) 


so i was crazy over METAL ROCKER EMOISH type of guys when i was like 16,17. like seriously i LOVE drummers, guitarist especially their HAIR! I mean hair is the most important part of the face! Imagine me being bold! when you get a bad hair cut it just ruin EVERYTHING literally! 

Ohhh Boy! Look at THEM! (THE HAIR)

So much for rocker guys. I kinda like guy with clean cut hair, with ABS! ABS ABS ABS! I don't really fancy skinny Asian guy seriously! i mean they can't even protect themselves :-S Guy like this walking on the street will really catch my eyes :) <3 LOVE 

They are just PURE BEAUTY! 

Looking good in ANYTHING they put on! (although i prefer you to be topless) LOL! Honestly he will be soooooooooo Jelly when he read this! ^______^ but he know my choice of guy. PIKACHU I CHOSE YOU! 

eating SUSHI like a BOSS!

But ladies! LOOKS are not what that matters the most! it's their awesome personality that i fall into! Who wants a guy whose face's like an angle but having shitty attitudes?! NO! 

Find a guy who treats you right! Love you for WHO YOU REALLY ARE! not that ass of yours. not your big ass tits! we all want a guy who's committed loyal and someone you can trust and rely on! not some guy who wants to fuck you. like a drunken pikachu! 

NO! 

So, i hope you like my topic of the day! :)

Please PLEASE PLEASE leave comments down beloooowwww, tell me what type of guys makes you wanna scream! :) i really want to know. 

WILL CONCENTRATE on my studies now! WISH ME LUCK GUYS! :)

see you SOON! 

thanks for reading :) -kiss kiss hug hug- 

Little sweetness in this bitterness

Hey :) 
hows everyone.


He came and went back :(
Ok I was thrilled when he surprised me when he magically appear at my door step :)


To all my new readers I just wanna give yall a brief introduction to my life.
HELLO WORLD. I am Yoke. 21 this year, I started blogging few years ago. It's mainly about my classmates and school life. 
After i finished my secondary education I started to write about how miserable my college life is, staying with a bitchy roommate plus a little of my crush (which currently is MINE) LOL a little about national service and shit like that.
I am a very emotional person. Yes i admit. I write when i am happy i write when i am depressed. I am also lazy as fuck. I mean seriously i wonder where did i get my laziness from? is it my dad or my mum? O.o


Ok carry on. I used to write my blog in a way that only me myself and i understand them. but. NOT ANYMORE fellow friends. I am going to expose everything about me here. Well, when i say EVERYTHING i don't mean EVERYTHING. ya know a lady needs her privacy ok! 

                                   THAT'S MAH BOY :)
and yeah. My boy. I am in a relationship with a Malay boy. I hope yall can imagine all the drama that's happening between us and my family :-S it's like a never ending war. damn! it'll be the end of the world if i start telling my family dramas. Oh well, I am hopelessly in love with him (we meet during national service). :( what can i say fate is a really confusing creature. I was LOVE at first sight and i am not exaggerating when i say FIRST SIGHT. It was like my heat skipped a beat when i saw him :)


flash forward to 23 of March 2012 we are together for 2 years and a month :) since we are studying at different place he would come visit almost every month. He usually arrive late at night. like 11pm late. :-S i know it's not that late but hey! i've been waiting since forever! But that day really was a surprise. He texted me about sending his soul to me (ya i know.. weird) and i was like "you'll be reaching late anyways." 
when the clock strikes 5.45pm he texted me again, this time he said his soul is at my front door and asked me to open the door. and BANG!!! HE WAS THERE! STANDING OUTSIDE LIKE A PRINCE CHARMING. <3 


it was fun being with him and all but UNFORTUNATELY. EXAM is near clock is ticking. my first paper is on his birthday! (31 March) SAD :(


But, a smart girl always plan ahead. I celebrated his 21st birthday with the cutest Oreo chocolate cake (that spoil my diet =o=''') but his smile and hugs and kisses and happiness is all that counts. screw diet plan for a day. 


Today i am back on track again :) shed some weight at the gym and writing while waiting for my sweat to dry off. 


Damn this post is long. i can get REALLY REALLY excited when i talk about him <3 :) (BLUSH) 


so, that's all folks. hope you enjoy reading mah post for today. :)


Good Day -bows- 

2012 i feel like starting again

Hello :)
it's a long time since i got a mental break down.  since you all say that the world is gonna end in 2012
i thought why not continue to do what i love. 


am i a boring person? seriously. how can i improve my blog if no body comment on it. 
sometime it's really frustrating and sad! 


damn, i miss writing but i am really getting rusty and all. last post was like. last year. O.O
i love this blog.


all the post all the updates here are from my heart. and i am not going to delete any of them.  


so much is going on right now i just don't know where to start. all i could say is. i am NOT happy. 
:(
cuz i am stupid and ungrateful. 


boy friend drama family issues exam fever 
Gosh. can i die now.


just so you know, i am trying to lose some pounds here. by some i mean A LOT! 
ain't wanna be big mama forever! 


well, that's all. thanks for reading and stopping by. i would really appreciate a comment down there :)


have a nice day. 

Tired

Hey. it's been 4 years since i am writing. 
but no ones ever appreciate it. 
no comments and my views. LOL 
5 person a month. 
i think all of them must be me. 


so. i am thinking of quitting.


I give up alright. i am sick of talking to myself imagining that there are people out there reading.
but the fact is. i don't think there's any one. 


I don't see any responds. 


so. 
Tell me, do you want me to quit? or do you enjoy reading. 
or i don't get any responds at all. i might as well quit. 
:) 


thanks for all the supports. 

-So long and good bye.  

26 November 2011

It was my day yesterday. 
i graduated diploma. :)


i am blessed to have my love ones surrounding me. 
really glad that most of my friends came.


I didn't get the chance to take pictures with them. i wonder what was i rushing for?
i guess i am the one that would abandon a whole forest just for a three. 
although i hated people doing that. but i guess i am the one who is blind and stupid.


i was Ok at first. but, deep down i regretted. 


i got 3 bouquet of SUNFLOWERS :) LOVE them very much!
never thought that we made it.


the convocation was fast. i had to wait under the canopy like a roasting pig in hell. 
luckily i did not put on any make up. 


sick of having guest in the house and all they do is face the computer. 
you might as well do it at your house!


it's really confusing. 


this bittersweet.


my mum and dad are proud of me at least :)


we took pictures, and they will be up SOON.
i can't promise when, but i will try my best to put them up. 


there's nothing much really. 
i just missed my friends. 




mum still hates him like everyone else. 

-i guess i am a long distance relationship kind of girl after all-

total disaster

why am i always staring my blog with an apology saying that i am not writing for a very long time?
LOL this is funny. 


well. it has indeed been a long time since i last updated my blog. 


and as you guys know i have no idea at all for what had happened. 
all i could say is. i was really busy with assignments. 
Advance Diploma is really different. Although i am still as lazy as usual, but i do try to study and catch up. 


it's sad to see the morels of human being evolve into a stage that is unimaginable. 
what happened to the good old moral values?


long gone with the winds i guess. 


Someone once asked me "what trouble you students the most now a days?" 
the first answer was MONEY!


Oh my Goodness! you can't imagine how important money is to us students! 
man let me tell you.


RM2 - bus to and fro college
average RM4 (sometimes it could be more) - lunch
minimum RM5 - dinner 


minus tea minus snacks minus all the fees this is my average spending for a day. 
i wasn't asking for more. i was shock to see that they only gave me that much. i know it isn't easy to earn money. especially raising 3 kids and an old woman. 
i am desperate here. i told them about working part time. but " HELL NO!" was their answer. what can i say? 


today sucks. what a shitty day. 
packs of dogs running around everywhere i went. 
it's a disgrace. she did it without thinking. ignoring everything. 
Love is great. feelings are strong. 
Ok. stop this.


I almost forgot to tell you guys that my Diploma Graduation is on the 26th of November 2011. :)
which is next two weeks.
Do drop by. take a picture or two. Holga and Sam is ready to shoot. :)


We both wanted so much to be there. but. my parents. 
they don't think that this is a good idea. 
but i don't understand. it's my graduation. i have the rights to invite anyone i like! 


we are depressed. actually i am.
God. i don't know what to do anymore. Please help me. 
the way we missed each other. 
my parents wouldn't see it. we are nonsense to them.
the way we want to meet each other so much. 
the way i cuddle with his shirt at night when i sleep.

i should be doing my assignments rather than writing. well i need a break once in a while. 
Ok. i promise i will try to write at least ONCE a week.
hope to increase the traffic here. 


anyone out there reading my posts. i THANK YOU and i LOVE YOU! 
don't be shy and give me some feed back.
i really do need them. 

-Smile- 

What should i call them

I found out that the frequency of me writing is getting lesser and lesser year by year.
Why is it happening? 
i can't answer it myself. 
Lazy? or simply just lack of inspirations.


wanting to shine too much makes you feel more dull. 
so i might as well stay as i am.


i once heard lady gaga said that we should worship ourselves.
Love who we are, because that's all we've got. 


This is true. 
no matter who you are.
How you look like, you are special. 
Really special. because God made you like this. Unique. 
We all are His baby. 


feelings that i couldn't express. I want salvation. 
save me from reality.
Lets run and get married at some exotic island under the most romantic moon light. 
Just me and you. Ignoring the world. 


living in a world with so many faces. I am impressed that i can survive. 
but with him no mask or camouflage is needed. I can be myself and knowing that he's loving every minutes of it. 


Praying to god to make it through everyday has became a routine for me. 
Teaching myself how to put a smile on my face
 not a soul knowing how desperately i needed you by my side.


He's a great guy to take the responsibility, I am happy for her. I really am.
:)
I wish them happiness and prosperity.
pray that they are all healthy.


How do you measure wealth?
I think most of us measure it based on the figures in our bank account.
from now on, i am trying to measure wealth by how happy i am.
the happier i am the wealthier it is. 


i mean, what's the purpose of living if we are all constantly counting our money instead of our blessings. 


It is amazing that i actually felt relived writing it all out. Glad that writing still have this effect on me. 


We shouldn't take life too seriously but there are times that we should act mature.
or else people will hate you or worse you are just their laughing stock. 
Just like how i see you now.


please don't make a fool of yourself just to shine.


Shine with dignity. 


he said that he hope i sees the truth one day. i really do pray for it.

-God bless the world- 

another forbidden story

Hey guys it's been a while since i updated my blog. 
I was kinda busy with college re opening and all.
trying to adapt i guess.


it may not be a new learning environment but i am staying outside now so i have to take the bus to college EVERYDAY just like any other college students :)


this is actually exciting for me.
I can't really explain but, i actually do not have MONDAY blue. LOL
but i think i will probably get bored of all this in a few months time.


Ok. The title of my blog clearly states what i want to talk about today.
I watched a movie yesterday it's called the sorcerer and the white snake
I know i know the title is a bit lame. but i think the story line is amazing. i will cut the story short LOL


this is actually a Chinese classic. a legend a myth maybe.
It is about a white snake who can transform itself into human form, she fell in love with a poor fellow, which have great personality.
I was not only amazed by the fighting and special effects but also the love they had for each other.


So there was this monk, his job is to fight evil spirits and keep them in this pagoda on an island.
he found out that the snake married this poor fellow. 
Which is forbidden for humans to fall in love with Ghosts and magical creatures.


the monk kept trying to pull both of them apart, at first the poor fellow did not know that his wife is actually a white snake. obviously she transformed herself into a beautiful maiden LOL.


but even after the poor fellow knew about the true identity of his wife, he risked his life to safe his wife and all the promises and vows.
the white snake risked her life too, to safe her husband. 


I cried hard during the movie.
their love for each other is so pure. they want nothing in return but to be able to love each other and to live together forever and ever.
they sacrifice for each other just because of love.  
they are willing to give their life. Just to love.


i don't see such love any more now days. especially among young people.
call me nood call me dumb. i don't care.
their love is amazing.


but the saddest thing is they can't be together. 
i remembered the snake said " why is the love between a ghost and a human not counted as love?"
she said " i truly love him" and you can see that through her eyes. 


no matter how hard they love. how hard they try to be together.
in the end.


they didn't make it.
the snake's trap under the pagoda probably for a thousand years.


that's the end of it. a sad love story. 
one of the reason i cried hard is because i thought of me and him.


all we want is to love.
but, this world isn't this simple. 
it's sad but it's the fact. 


but above all i am grateful that i am able to love and be loved :)


-hug me and don't ever let go- 

Advance Diploma

this little girl is really talented. Check her out :) 

This is the first very step for me to complete my dream.
My UK dream. :)


I passed all my papers!
thank GOD Almighty!
the best grades throughout my diploma year. LOL


I can't believe it myself either.
and this made me SCREAM at the top of my lung this morning.
I will not grumble anymore after this as promised :)


I will work my ass up! 
UK wait for me.


i felt relived. as if the clouds are all gone and the sun shines so brightly.
as if i can do anything in the world. 
I felt confident again. 
well, the cancer cell is now officially cut off.
and you all know this thing about cancer, it might come again.
Therefore, i will try my best not to get infected again. Focus on my studies and quit being a quitter. 
Quit grumbling and blaming everyone.


I made my parents proud :)
for the first time i felt their happiness.
My sisters too are amazed by this miraculous out come. 
he said"my girl." and he felt proud saying that. 


It all paid off. 
nights and nights without sleeping
and all the excess weight i put on. 
well, i am gonna take care of the weight problem SOON. i think.


Oh, another good news for you guys.
I finally MOVED OUT from that stupid ass hostel! 
I am a free bird! 
everything seems fine. so far so good.
I LOVE my new apartment.
it's spacious and comfortable.
Although it's like a hunted house before my friends and i cleaned it up but, 3 days of intensive cleaning this is is finally fit for us to call HOME.


the swimming pool is just at the back of my huge balcony. isn't it fantastic? 
and the Gym too. time to shed this excess weight of mine SOON. LOL


I thank GOD for all this.
All the credits goes to THE Creator.
because he listens to prayers.
I've been praying real hard.
and he answers it. :)


-I want to SHINE AGAIN. polish me God-

console

i need  consolidation for my soul.
only by writing, i feel better.
i don't know is it because of my period or because there's really something wrong with our relationship. 




well as you all know I've been fighting for everyone to accept my relationship with him.
i always thought that our relationship's different.
i thought that we will never have the so called "4 phase" of a relationship.
i was too naive i guess. i thought it will be smooth sailing.
Of course there are a few rough waves during the journey, but i never though that the ship needed a break.


eventually. one of the captain command the crew to raise the sail. not dropping the anchor yet though.


we were having this conversation like every other nights. it was fine at first. but it came to a point that he said" well, that's all i guess. i have nothing to talk about anymore. (indicating that we should hang up)" 


and i was like"that's it? seriously? you don't want to talk anymore? or are you busy?"


cut the story short. i was offended when he said he have nothing to do, but he have nothing to say, he thinks that we should hang up first. talk again before going to sleep. 
Am i being hyper sensitive over small things? is it because of my menstrual? I have NO idea. Gosh i sounded like a FUCKING Teenager going through PUBERTY! 
FUCK! 


i am RESTLESS!

i can't stay still!
i don't get it!
am i being too pushy? 
or what ever you call "physco girl friend?"


My goodness gracious i just hope this stop!


please don't let the ship sink like Titanic. :(

-please give me strength- 

freaked out

I totally lost it.

i can't believe i actually freaked out.

i called him thousands of times. i couldn't get to him.

i was going mad.

we were on the phone half an hour ago. and now i can't even get through him.

unfortunately his 2nd girl friend fell into the red pail full of water.

:(

i need to be with him right now!

i am worried sick!

he's far away and alone.

Shit! i am talking as if he's my son.

Oh God.

help us.

all i can do now is Pray. really. really hard.

people are asking about us.

about his race and religion.

about our relationship.

my family is ashamed, people are criticizing.

they are mean to us. not even listening and look with their heart.

they don't know what we have between us.

maybe for you it's rubbish and nonsense.

my sisters hated him.

they thought that i love him more than them.

it's not like that.

i love my family and he is like my family.

so i love them both a lot.

"when can they accept me?" he asked.

please tell me the answer. anyone.

it hurts so much to see him leaving, alone, with his head down.

people out there are like giants, constantly trying to step on us.

they want us to die. to end this relationship

because to them, only their relationships are real.

only same race and religion is acceptable.

they do not see the good in him.

as if he is worthless.

he once said to me

"am i some kind of crook or criminal that my name is prohibited to be mention in front of your family?"

what did he do to deserve this?

is it because he's born to be a Malay?

he's a Malay guy and i am a Chinese girl.

we are in love.

and that creates war.

what did i do wrong?

what do you all want from me?

"they wants us to end our relationship, they don't want us to see each other anymore. but i can't do it. i just can't."

honestly. i can't do it too.

i rather get knock hard on my head and lost all my memories.

i can't contact him.

:(

i am sad. depressed and fat.

he is lost, sad, poor and alone.

help us.

anyone.

God. please be with him.

he needs you now.

middle fingers up for having long distance relationship and a phone socked in water.

-dear phone. please get well soon. we love you. we need you.-